'AITA for not picking up my ex's daughter from school when I picked up our son?'
"AITA for not picking up my ex's daughter from school when I picked up our son?"
Ex cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son (8) and because of this he has a daughter (8) with his affair partner, now wife. We are not on good terms and I do not have a relationship with my ex's daughter. I have never spoken a word to her or spent any significant time in her presence. Ex and I split custody (50-50) of our son.
Two weeks ago I got a call from the school during his custody time stating nobody had picked our son up from school and asking if I would. When I got to the school my ex's daughter was also there and the teacher was with her.
She told me I was on the approved list for pick up for ex's daughter and would I take both kids. I said no and I told her I did not want to be on the list as I would never pick the other child up from school.
She told me she would pass the word along and it would be taken care of and I had to call to follow up on this. My ex never told me he or his wife added me to the authorized pickup list for his daughter.
When he realized I had not picked up his daughter with our son he was furious. He asked me how I could leave her behind when I would have our son unplanned anyway. I told him via our parenting app that I picked up our son as I would always do if needed, but his daughter is not my child and I will not be their emergency school pickup.
According to him, my ex's daughter was there until 7 because I refused to pick her up with our son. She's a child and I understand that's not ideal. I don't feel bad per say but I wonder if I would be considered an AH for being unwilling to do it this once?
This is not something I want to be a regular thing and it's the first time it ever happened. Ex's wife was apparently delayed out of town and ex was working.
AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - I feel bad for that other kid but thats not your responsibility at all! Also, him not picking up your kid… thats bad. Make sure you document that in case you need to rework custody.
NTA. They added you to the list without asking you first? The AUDACITY, especially considering the circumstances of the divorce. "Ex was working," eh? Then he can jolly well leave work to handle his own responsibilities rather than saddle you with them. Invite them to kiss both sides of your ass and grow the F up.
Yazzimonnnon (OP)
I was blown away when she told me. Why me? And did they seriously want their daughter left in my care or think I'd want her in my care. It's the way neither of them answered calls from the school either. That's why I was contacted to begin with. It's all documented anyway but I'm hoping they don't try to add me back onto her pickup list.
Wow, he can't even pick up his affair baby. Nor can his affair partner. Sad for the kid, but this is all on your POS ex.
Yazzimonnnon (OP)
They can't even answer the phone when the school calls.
Although I agree that the daughter is innocent, she is NOT your child your son is. Therefore you have no legal responsibility over her m and you don’t owe your cheating ex nothing, not even to make up for his poor organization and poor parenting it seems. That little girl have two functioning parents, none of them were able to call the school to let them at least know they couldn’t pick her up.
They had the BALLS to put you on the picking up list for their affair child because she happen to be in the same school as your son and it’s convenient for them, as if this happening isn’t literally because your ex decided to sleep with another woman, conceiving another kid through infidelity while you was literally carrying his son.
I love that you already use a parenting app. Just follow the custody order, use grey rock method and keep on moving. He can't coordinate picking his kids up from school. So clearly his opinion is null. Lol what a lil weenie.
Seriously look up grey rocking. He texts about the kids being there until 7, I would completely ignore it. It's like some stranger person expecting you to care about their life and be codependent with them. Like, no thanks?
And why couldn't he or his wife pick up the kids? Does the wife pick up your son as well during dads time, or is it always dad?
Yazzimonnnon (OP)
Normally his wife picks them both up on his time. She was out of town and got delayed in traffic on the way back and didn't make it back for several more hours. He was at work. Neither answered the school's calls.
Honestly NTA. Emergency situations happen, but it’s not your responsibility to suddenly become a parent to a child you’ve never had a relationship with. You followed the rules and boundaries you’ve set.
Yes, it sucks that his daughter had to wait, but that's on him and his wife, not you. You're responsible for your son, not covering for the family your ex built out of betrayal.
I would also worry about the legal ramifications of you being responsible for a minor that you do not have authority over making medical decisions. What if something happened to her?
Does she know anything about her allergies and does she avoid them? Would she purposely eat something to make herself sick and then blame it on you? I know that this is unlikely, but you don't know what your ex tells her about you, and I have a naturally suspicious mind.....