"AITA for not pretending to be my coworker's boyfriend?"
So I am a 23 year old guy, and I have coworkers. It's a mixed group of people, but there is one person I particularly hate. I'll call her Judy(26F). Judy get's on my freaking nerves.
I have never expressed any interest in coworkers but she always says stuff like "oh you're short it's gonna be difficult for you to find a girl"(deep insecurity of mine, I am 5'7") and "you're not even 25, and have a dad bod".
I am a waiting till marriage type (I am religious) and she always says "what if you wait all this time, and end up with someone who you can't satisfy" and outta pocket jokes like this. She even said "a nice women will have to settle for you".
We hang out outside work a lot too, so in our group, everyone makes jokes, but hers feel so personal man. She also makes fun of my interests and says "no woman is gonna want a man who's only interest is gaming", etc.
She literally is only rude to me man. Out of all the other girls and dudes there. It's frankly demoralizing and annoying. It's so immature. I told her "yo you gotta chill" and she makes jokes about me being sensitive.
Anyway, we went out for drinks today. I was being a wingman for my friend, and I was talking him up to this girl. Judy, who thinks I am talking to this girl for myself, swoops in and says "so much for being a virgin and waiting till marriage, huh".
Alright, embarrassed me in front of strangers for no reason. I am not unhappy with the choice I made, but I don't want it being brought up, it's a personal and sensitive matter man. Anyway, that ticked me off, so I ignored her for rest of the night. Played poker with some old dudes after that.
Judy comes up to me out of nowhere, with some random dude. "Actually, here is my boyfriend. Honey, you wanna leave?". I looked at her confused. I realized what was going on. I am an escape plan for her.
I did not want to be used by her just cuz she doesn't wanna deal with dudes hitting on her. I said "I am not her boyfriend bro, shoot your shot", and went back to my poker game. She muttered, and left. She is texting me that I am not a good man for not standing up for her when a dude was making her uncomfortable.
She said she would never talk to any regular man that behaved like that ever again, and I should be grateful she isn't deleting my number (oh my god, please don't, who will crush me and attack my insecurities relentlessly if you do that??).
We were in a bar full of people, nothing could've happened. She just wanted to use me to avoid an uncomfortable situation, and considering how she mocks me relentlessly, and treats a pile of garage with more respect than me.
She doesn't even give me the respect a basic animal, let alone a human deserves. I don't see why I have to play a "man" for her when she constantly mocks me for not being one for my beliefs or things I can't control. She hasn't told any of my coworkers yet, but this is infuriating cuz now I have to think of the narrative she will paint of me.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. And this is all stuff you should take to HR or a supervisor because none of what she is doing is appropriate.
Alone_Sea1228 (OP)
Man she IS HR. Her and her cronies run that department. "She just means it endearingly" alr bro, so why is it literally only me man. She doesn't do this with any of her friends, or any of the other guys. She is targeted man. I think I may need to go above her.
NTA. She is a bully, plain and simple. She goes out of her way to make you feel insecure, and does not stop. Don't be insensitive towards someone and then expect them to be sensitive towards you. Is she like this to your other coworkers as well? Or is it just a fixation with you?
Alone_Sea1228 (OP)
She mostly only hangs around her group, which is all women. But she does interact with guys, and it's usually very cordial and respectful... except for me of course, because my bad for existing. My bad.
She was initially very respectful to me, because we have the same ethnic background cuz our parents are from the same part of the same country. But then she become a deranged psycho out of nowhere like a month in. Idk what I did to tick her off man. Exist? My bad for existing.
ESH I wouldn't have a problem with you correcting that you're not her boyfriend but the "shoot your shot" comment was uncalled for, given you knew full well she wasn't comfortable with that guy & looking for an out. You didn't have to give her one but to encourage someone else's bad behavior was an ah move. Women have had to deal with trouble- yes- even in places full of people.
Do you think she has a crush on you and is trying to make it sound like she'd be doing you a favor by dating you when she finally shoots her shot? Usually men pull that crap but it isn't outside the realm of possibility for a woman to do so. NTA.
NTA. This woman obviously thinks you’re a joke and is only concerned with your “honor & nobility” when it conveniences her. Your being a good person is completely irrelevant to her outside of the context of it benefitting her.
She doesn’t care about you or your feelings, and you have absolutely no duty towards her outside of basic human respect (which may not even be warranted). Try to get ahead of this at work, let your closer colleagues know the deal (they should have an inkling if she trashes you as hard as you say she doesn’t care), and let the rest of the BS fall by the wayside.