'AITA for not prioritizing my baby after his birth?' 'My entire focus was on my wife.'

"AITA for not prioritizing my baby after his birth?"

When I tell you this woman went to hell to back to deliver our child! It was apparently an "easy" delivery, yet it was more gruesome than my worst nightmares. I had read it all but was truly unprepared. So in the heat of the moment, I forgot to look at our baby.

It may sound cruel, but I was fine with the nurse telling us that the baby is healthy. The woman I had promised to love & protect was crying, howling, looking like she was fighting death all because of me. My entire focus was on her & her doctor.

My mom asked me how the baby looked when he came out. She apparently wanted to relate back to how I looked. I said I don't know & told her why. Apparently I was in the wrong for that.

She told my wife's mother, who echoes the sentiment. Apparently, I got the rare opportunity that most men in their era never did & screwed it up. One of the comments was passed in my wife's earshot while we thought she was asleep.

She wasn't, heard it, & started crying over how I don't love our child. That, I don't mind. She's still zonked out on hormones & pain. Luckily she quickly fell asleep & hasn't mentioned it since. I guessing (hoping) she didn't register that interaction. But yeah AITA & a whipped husband who messed it up?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Dense-Passion-2729 said:

NTA my husband and I had a deal that if for any reason during the birth medical staff walk away with the baby he is 100% to go with the baby. I had an unplanned c section and they took my baby away to weigh her and he absolutely refused to go with them.

I was so upset with him that was not what we agreed. He tells me she was in eyesight he could see her and that she was safe and immediately brought to me but that in that moment his concern and fear was 100% for me.

Our baby was born healthy and well and I was cut open and semi-conscious. He said he does not apologize and would do it again he will never apologize for worrying for or protecting me.

I know he approaches our baby (now toddler) with the same fierce protectiveness. It is not either/or, he has enough love to go around and I know had our baby not been 100% healthy he would have gone with her immediately as we agreed. You can love and want to protect them both OP.

AgnarCrackenhammer said:

NTA. My Dad fainted when I was born. My mom still jokes with him about it, but it didn't stop him from being a great Dad for the past 33 years. Everyone reacts in that moment differently. The thing that's important is you were present and making sure everyone involved is ok. No idea why you're getting so much crap for this.

Salty-Initiative-242 said:

NTA something similar happened when I gave birth. My husband was hovering over *me* and I was trying to send him over to hover over the baby. The baby is 11 now and I look back and laugh.

At the time, I knew I was ok and I was concerned about the baby; my husband explained to me that while he of course loved the baby immediately, he'd known me a lot longer and I was the one who was still getting stitched up and worked on, he could hear that the baby was fine. He's proved over and over how much he loves our kid since then.

ExpensivePanda66 said:

NTA. Why are these mothers ruining one of the most important moments of you and your wife's life? They need a dose of reality; it's not about them.

LoveyPudgy94 said:

NTA you were relieved that your wife and child were okay. Not everyone has a successful birth and that's just plain out stressful. Shame on the grandma's for making unnecessary drama on a special day.

stellaluna2019 said:

NTA. I nearly died in childbirth and my son went to the NICU. My husband was told by the doctors to stay with me because I was going to need him more and my son was in excellent hands.