'AITA for not publicly apologizing to my cousin on FB for the dress I wore to her wedding?'

"AITA for not publicly apologizing to my cousin on Facebook for the dress I wore to her wedding?"

So this is absolutely crazy and just happened to me this past weekend. I just need some outside perspective to see if I’m in the wrong and should apologize or if I should stand my ground and “tear the family apart”. This will be a long one.

Okay, so last weekend was my (F23) cousins (F25) wedding. She has been with her fiancé (M30’s) now husband, for about 2 1/2-3ish years. We got the wedding invitation in the mail during the summer and had noticed that there was a dress code. She wanted everyone to wear fall colors and had a link to a website that had approved colors on it as well as her wedding registry and venue address.

Fast forward to a week before the wedding, I look on Amazon and find this burgundy floor length dress and some black heels. The colors were approved on her dress code so I thought all was well and tried them on for my husband (M23) and he said I looked great. (picture of the dress here)

So, this past weekend was the wedding. We go and watch as they exchange vows and clap as they walk down the aisle and then we all meet back up at the reception. I thought all was well and once we get to the dining hall I notice that it’s like a buffet style for people to get their food and drinks.

I notice the line is way too long for me, so I send my husband to give our 2 kids to my parents so him and I could go congratulate my cousin and her new husband. When we walk up to my cousin she does a double take at me and after we congratulate them, she asks if she could speak to me privately.

My husband was chatting with her husband so I just said, “yeah sure.” And we went out the side door to talk outside in private. Once the door shuts it’s like all the fake smiles and warmth disappeared and she starts berating me about how I wore “red” to her wedding to try and signify that I wanted to sleep with her husband!!!

To preface, I have been with my husband for 9 years! We have been together since we were 15 years old and we are both about to be 24. We have 2 kids together, (M5 & F6 months). I have also never met her husband, we lived 2 hours away from them and the last time I saw her in person, my son was a year old and she didn’t even have a boyfriend at that point in time.

She went on to say that I was a slut and that I should be ashamed of myself for wearing something so revealing and that my husband was probably so embarrassed by me. Now, at this point I was getting very mad. I had wore a color that she approved of on her list and in my opinion, I thought I looked great and modest and so did my husband.

I’m 5ft even, I’m currently breast feeding my daughter so my breasts are a little over a DD and since I work out regularly my waist is slim and I have a decent size bottom. My hair goes down to my butt and it’s brown with blonde and purple highlights.

She is also very beautiful, but her body is a complete 180 from mine. She is 5’5 has maybe an A cup, she’s got a small waist and almost no booty. But she could still pass as a model, her skin is perfect and her hair is to her shoulders and she’s blond. In my opinion we are both pretty in our own way.

I told her that couldn’t be far from the case, I had never met her husband and was very happy in my own relationship. I had been with my husband for a very long time and I loved my little family.

She was not having it tho and kept yelling at me saying I was nothing and that she was embarrassed that I came to her wedding in such a distasteful dress and that she was going to tell her daddy on me for ruining her big day by trying to look better than her.

At this point I had started to cry. She made me feel gross about my body and embarrassed because I just was standing there and she refused to listen to me. I know she was getting loud too because it didn’t take long for my husband and my mom to find us. My mom had my daughter in her hands and said that she was looking for me because my baby was getting hungry and fussy.

Once she looked at me she immediately knew something was off because I rarely ever cry. My husband took my daughter from my mom and walked over to me and grabbed my hand and asked if I was okay. My mom looked around and asked my cousin what the heck was going on and why I was crying.

My cousin threw her hands up and said that I was acting like the “victim” bc she “exposed” me for dressing like a tramp and trying to seduce her husband and that I was so obsessed with him I had to name my son after him.

My son and her husband do have very similar names. Let’s say my sons name was Samuel, her husbands name would be Sam. It’s not the same name, but it’s a longer version of her husband’s name. My husband then laughed at this and told her that our son was named five years ago, 2 year before she even met her husband and that there was no relation to the name.

At this point it probably been about 20 minutes, and I know guests start to wonder where the bride is and that’s when her dad, my uncle, comes outside with her husband to see us.

So picture this, I’m standing there next to my husband, I have mascara running down my face. My mom and my cousin both have their arms crossed glaring at each other and my husband is standing there feeling uncomfortable holding our fussy daughter.

My uncle immediately goes to me and hands me his handkerchief from his pocket while my cousins husband goes to her and starts to whisper in her ear. I have no idea what he said but I wipe my eyes and tell my uncle that my husband and I are leaving and that he can ask my mom (his sister) what happened.

We get back inside and grab son from my oblivious dad and say our goodbyes and go to the car where I feed my daughter and then change both of the kids into pjs for the 2 hour drive home.

The next morning, my cousin sends me a barrage of text messages, facebook messages, and snapchats demanding that I publicly apologize on Facebook for dressing so scandalous to get her husbands attention at her wedding and for trying to make it all about me by leaving early embarrassing her.

When my mom and uncle told a few people about what she did and because her “daddy” didn’t take her side when she tried to yell over my mom about what happened. So far, I haven’t answered her messages, but she keeps sending more and more everyday.

My husband is completely on my side and is very baffled about this whole thing. My husband and I have been together like I said for 9 years, but this was his first meeting of this side of my family. I am adopted and I only have my uncle on my mom’s side. Her parents have already passed away and my aunt is literally a crazy Karen, but that’s another story and we are NC with her.

So would I be the ah if I just decided to go NC with my cousin and refuse to apologize for the dress I wore to her wedding? Or should I just say sorry and save face because of holidays with my uncle? Idk what to do. But I’m definitely leaning to NC bc I don’t want this behavior in my kids lives. I don’t want them to think it’s ok to act like this. But if I’m wrong, I’ll apologize.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Sea_Roof3637 said:

The dress is beautiful, do not apologise for your cousins insecurity. Your uncle is on your side against his daughter which says something. NTA.

PaintTrick8217 said:

$10 your cousin found out her new husband cheated on her so she’s hyper sensitive to anyone around that could possibly be perceived as a threat. If anyone needs to apologize it’s her. NTA.

DeepAccountant1441 said:

Don’t apologize but send her a link to a therapist. She needs it.

PSBFAN1991 said:

Hell no. It was one of her approved colours. She’s obviously just jealous and feels some kind of way about you looking better than her whatever that means. She ruined her own day. that marriage won’t last long with her attitude.

And x0killer_queen0x said:

IMO you followed her “rules” and i think it’s a beautiful dress and definitely not red. unfortunately i think she may have just targeted you and i’m really sorry you went through that. NTA