'AITA for not removing a statue from the backyard while my mom was visiting because it upsets her?'

"AITA for not removing a statue from the backyard while my mom was visiting because it upsets her?"

My wife Cece and I live across the country from my family, so my parents have not spent a lot of time out here. This past Christmas mom and dad treated themselves to a trip out here for two weeks. A few years ago Home Depot was selling plastic statues of a folk saint called Santa Muerte. Cece likes her and built an outdoor altar where she leaves offerings and can hang out.

Her mom also liked the saint, and I think this is something that connects them after her d**th. There are a lot of ideas and associations with SM. Bad groups have co opted her as their symbol, but she does not belong to them.

She is a figure for weirdos and outcasts of all kinds. But still the bad associations do exist. A lot of it is media hype.

My parents were here for a whole two days before Mom noticed the statue. When she did, she said “Oh!” like she was scared and went back in the house.

She kept looking nervously out the kitchen window. Then she asked if we could take it out and hide it because it scares her. I said no, that’s Cece’s, and it’s just a statue. Mom had Dad ask me to move it. Again, I said no. For the rest of the trip, Mom refused to go in the back yard and wouldn’t even stand near the windows where you can see it.

She would make a big show of turning her back to the window. When they were leaving, my dad told me that he was disappointed in me for not caring that my poor mom felt scared the whole trip. I said it was rude of him to expect me to cover up something that means this much to Cece, and that it was just a statue.

It is in no way scary to look at. We are also NOT a religious family. I was not baptized or anything and have gone to church like twice. I am wondering if I am TA for not accommodating my mom since they came all the way out here for once.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

OhioPoloTHIC wrote:

Is your mom okay? Is she normally a little high strung or is this out of character for her?

OP responded:

You know, it had been a long time since we spent so much time together. Our visits are typically only up to a long weekend. She has changed since when I lived with them as a kid, and has become a little more nervous and scattered. Not medical condition level or anything, but a bit more quirky overall.

Big-Range9664 wrote:

NTA at all, the way your mom was acting was overkill. The statue was not doing anything to her and she should have understood that, all she needed to do was avoid it while she was out in the backyard. Overall though I think its worth the conversation to see if theres any understanding that can bridge what your mom is feeling - maybe she doesnt understand the significance/ importance.

Marionberry8474 wrote:

NTA. I can see why a Santa Muerte statue could be startling, especially to non-Mexicans, Mexican cultures have a very different way of thinking about death than most Anglos do. But she was being dramatic, it’s just a statue, and she remained “frightened” of it for weeks?

That’s a call for attention. And your dad is accustomed to catering to it. Your home, your decor, your shrine. If she was that frightened by a statue perhaps she should have left, or stayed in a hotel.

parodytx wrote:

NTA. Mom is performing and expecting you to cave in with the likely respect your elders arguments and the like.

Stick to your guns and remind her she need no longer visit you if it upsets her so much, or she can just get over herself.

I_Have_Notes wrote:

NTA, it's your home and your wife's home. Your mother was being manipulative by spending two weeks making a scene over a statue. Instead of asking questions and trying to learn more about the meaning to her daughter-in-law to lessen her fear, she decided to make it about her and made everyone uncomfortable.

Additionally, your dad probably only said something because she wouldn't stop complaining to him and now he's also going to hear about all the way home and is annoyed. He would rather you placate your mother to keep the peace, the way he probably does, and that's not your job.

NamasteNoodle wrote:

Your mother is old enough to regulate her emotions. And if she can't respect your home and your right to decorate it any way you want then she doesn't need to come over. But expecting you to change to make her feel better is classic codependent behavior. She sounds like a bit of a bully. Don't remove the statue. Let her know that she's an adult and she can start acting like one.

MidsummerZania wrote:

NTA, your parents really need to grow up. While it holds no significance to you and your family, it holds significance to Cece and that's all the justification you need for it being there. Your parents were rude to ask after the initial no and are poor guests if your dad is going to try and lecture you about it. Your house, your rules.

superwhovianlock wrote:

NTA. Your house, your rules. However, at the very least you should've had a conversation with Mom about the spiritual meaning because I could imagine how the statue of a female skeleton clad in a robe holding a Scythe might be a little bit...unnerving.

Especially since she's known as 'Our Lady of Holy Death'

And while you yourself may not define yourself as a religious person, the same may not still be true about your mother. At the very least a conversation needed to occur.

West-Birthday4475 wrote:

NTA. Your mom decided she was scared of Home Depot garden decor. She decided without any information that a Saint was something to be feared without knowing anything about the meaning or significance. That’s silly. Is she afraid of most Catholics? It’s also accusatory and insulting to your wife’s faith, beliefs and personal history.

Flimsy_Narwhal229 wrote:

NTA. Altars are sacred and should be respected. However, you should probably explain the significance of the altar. If your parents don't understand because it isn't their culture/religion and they don't understand it's connection to your late mother-in-law, I could see how they'd think you were being petty. If they still don't get it after that, though, it's their problem.