'AITA for not respecting the fancy soap policy in our bathroom?' 'It's Cold War: Soap Edition.'

"AITA for not respecting the fancy soap policy in our bathroom and accidentally starting a soap-based arms race?"

So my wife (30F) bought this absurdly expensive soap from some a little shop. It came in a tiny frosted glass bottle, wrapped in twine. With ridiculous branding like "hints of pine, regret, and artisanal disappointment" or something like that. She placed it on the bathroom counter and told me "this is for guests."

We don't have guests. Ever. Ok, maybe once every 2 months. I told her that, but apparently the idea of a guest potentially seeing that we use commoner soap is too horrifying to bear. So the fancy soap was enshrined like the Mona Lisa, untouched.

Fast forward: I run out of my regular cheap-o soap which came in a cracked plastic bottle with a pump that wheezed like a dying guinea pig. So, in a moment of desperation and dirty hands I dared to touch the holy grail.

Was halfway through using a single pump of the fancy soap when she walked in looking at me as if I was defiling the sacred artifact or microwaving the Fabergé egg. She said I was wasting it and that it’s not for everyday hands. I was pissed. Then I did the unthinkable: I went out and bought my own fancy soap. $30.

Grapefruit and cedar, smells like if a lumberjack went to therapy. I put it proudly on my side of the sink. I declared that this is my new soap and only I have a right to use it. Suddenly, it’s Cold War: Soap Edition.

That evening I saw over her shoulder she was searching more soap bottles on Etsy. Like she wanted revenge! At this point I now want to invite some guests over to make sure they use my fancy soap and not her haha.

Now she’s mad I’m mocking her and says I'm turning cleanliness into a competition. I told her she started the soap caste system, I just refused to be born into the lower class. She hasn’t spoken to me in two days. But I smell amazing. Tell me AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

kmflushing said:

Please never break up.

corvus_corone_corone said:

Can I just say, I hope you and your wife have many, many more issues you want to write about. This is SO hilariously well written! I am in tears. Literally. Thanks for giving me a laugh! NTA.

Erik0xff0000 said:

We'll be expecting weekly updates in this soap-opera.

happymomma40 said:

NTA I'm just glad to see other people are as immature as my husband and I are. Thank you for that!

lego-lion-lady said:

NTA - why is she making such a big fuss over soap?? You yourself even pointed out to her that you guys almost never have company over, so you could even tell her that if she so desperately wants ppl to use her fancy soap, maybe she should invite them over herself!

Lost_Preparation_835 said:

ESH - But only a little, to turn the sink into a battlefield. Your wife became unnecessarily strict with a meaningless rule. But you decided to escalate the conflict instead of talking seriously. Now you both have $30 soap and an uncomfortable silence floating between you...that at least smells good. Speak like adults, not like medieval merchants defending their spices.