'AITA For Not Sharing the Surprises in the Dingy House that Was My Share of Inheritance?' UPDATED 4X
"AITA For Not Sharing the Surprises in the Dingy House that Was My Share of Inheritance?"
Unlikely_Cap_713
I 37F have two siblings 43M and 29F. For the sake of the post, I will call them Mason and Brittney. Our father died when we were young due to an undiagnosed heart problem.
His parents had gifted them an old family homestead on a lot of land at their wedding and helped a lot to keep our family above water before they passed. Our mother finally found her feet after about 5 years of deep depression and did well for our family.
But she was also very frugal. We had good clothing but no fancy vacations. Our mother had ignored signs of bad health for years, even when we tried to get her to go see someone for it. She passed away recently due to late stage cancer, leaving us with a lot.
My siblings each got more than 150,000 in money, sentimental but expensive items, and furniture. I did not get the money. I received the house, the land and some items.
The house and land (which had been sold off bit by bit over the years due to mom's declining health and inability to properly tend to it) is worth far below the 150,000 my siblings received.
I had moved in with mother near her end, and it really was only supposed to be temporary as I believed the house would be sold after her passing and the money split three ways.
I already had a plan to roommate with a friend and her family after mom's death to make that process go more smoothly. Most of my stuff has been sitting in storage for almost a year.
As the only one who worked from home, I could watch the home health workers and nurses to make sure they were being kind, doing their jobs, and not stealing. Mostly, it was to make sure they treated my mother with respect and kindness but my brother did worry about someone walking off with her wedding ring since she was so attached to it.
We all agreed for it to be placed in with her ashes. So I made a little set up and took care of her. My siblings came by frequently, 3-6 times a week, each of them. Mason had 2 kids and Brittney only has 1 but they visited as well, though not as much near the end because it was hard for them.
So in the weeks leading up to her death, my mother had me pack up what items went to who in large boxes and set them off to the side. My siblings hated me doing this but understood it was what she wanted.
The will was read, they checked their boxes to make sure my mom didn't miss anything when telling me to pack, and they left me to my house. Weeks passed and I finally felt like I could start doing things to the house.
Now, I did say the house was dingy. Its not worth 150,000 but the housing market is crazy so I thought it was a bit of a luck. It needs repairs: the roof, the chimney, the water heater, some pipes, the doors and windows for heating purposes, and everything inside is so darkly painted or made of wood that just sucks out all of the light.
I immediately had people checking the roof, the chimney and the water heater. My siblings offered to lend me the money but I declined as I had been saving for a while to buy an apartment or something small since it is only me. I could also rent rooms for the local college students to get some of that money back.
I picked out paints for different rooms but decided to leave the wood flooring. As I started going through everything in the house, which had specifically been left to me as stated in the will, I began finding things. Money in books, and there are so many books.
Money taped under beds, money folded into the "fancy sheets", money hidden in the tea pot and cups that has been passed down int the family which we had never been allowed to touch in fear we might break them.
I found jewelry in different boxes, hidden in the attic, the vents, in sock drawers. Some of it was so gaudy it had to be costume but I put it all together (thank goodness I did) and took it to be appraised.
The worth of the jewelry is nearly half of what my siblings got, even the would-be costume jewelry is worth something. Even now, I'm still finding things. I found antique items, fancy watches, untouched clothing and bags with price tags still on them, belts and shoes still in their boxes.
All of this was tucked away, apparently hidden, and not talked about. Some of the clothing still had recites, and since neither I nor my sister can wear them I took them back to see if I could get the refunds or started selling them online - since, again, everything left in the house was specifically left to me.
I took the cash and used it to help pay for the immediate repairs, and it almost covered the whole thing. I looked through the jewelry and kept what I liked, which was very little as I am not into that sort of thing, and put aside some for my sister and my brother's daughter.
I liquidated the rest and put that into savings. I also put aside some of the bags and belts and watches for my siblings and their families. We can't fit the clothes but those things are easier to swap around.
I invited everyone over and gifted them the items, telling them I had found them while I was cleaning everything out and thought they may like to have them. Everyone was happy to get them, and there wasn't much bickering among the kids.
They asked what else I found and I explained the jewelry I kept and the clothing I was selling off. My brother got a weird look on his face and asked if I had found any money. I told him I had, but tried to downplay it as mostly change and loose bills.
He asked to see the money and I grabbed a giant water refill container I had started storing all the coins in. He told me that was a lot of coins and asked if I was going to use it for the laundry mat since I left them all loose. I rolled my eyes because I have a washer/dryer set.
I told him there was no point in cashing them in until I cleaned the whole house. He told me to let them know so we could all split that and the money I got from selling the clothing. When I asked why, he said "So we can split it."
I asked him why I would split it when they all had gotten large cash inheritances, sentimental and expensive things, and some other things? I literally got the house, the problems, the clean up and the nice things I did find that I thought they might like, I handed over without being asked to.
He told me I didn't have to be a greedy AH about it and to never mind. My sister gave me the side eye but didn't say anything. But I feel guilty for misleading how much I had actually found, even though it was all put towards making the house better.
To be clear: all of my mother's debts were paid and she had money set aside for the funeral service and cremation.
So AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Dizzy_Eye5257
NTA.
No. She left them money. She left you the house AND contents, and all the work.
lightinthedark82
This is the answer. You were even generous and gave them some nice stuff you found. Some people are just ungrateful.
jewel_flip
NTA. You got the house and all it contained. If the money they received was well invested, would you expect to get a third of it? Nope. Did they offer to compensate you for the house being worth less than the cash they received? Nope.
You could have done nothing to the house and never found the cash. But the fact is the house and its contents belong to you. They can be bitter about it but that’s the way the will was written. It’s a bit crass of them though.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
Unlikely_Cap_713
Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and bits of advice. I felt much better after reading so many of the NTAs comments. I also took to heart the "shut your mouth" comments, even if a few of them seemed a little rude.
Onto the update.
My house (still feels weird saying/typing this) already had outside cameras due to when I moved in and installed them. But I did go and add more to the property line, inside the house in key spots, and around the garage.
I also put up no trespassing signs while I look through companies that do proper fences. The property is just small enough I can swing the fence. I did change the locks as soon as I read the advice to do so.
I hadn't thought about that, since I work from home. Mom also kept a spare hidden in a plant because my sister used to lose everything constantly so I made sure to remove it and not replace it with the new one.
Its a good thing I did all of this because two days after my initial post, I had to run into town for groceries and a few quick errands. I live on the outskirts with neighbors a bit of a distance either way so they wouldn't notice anyone stopping by.
I got a notification on my phone about movement and I checked because I wasn't expecting any packages. My brother was getting out of his car, looked around, and checked the windows. He tried his key in the door and got upset it didn't work. He checked the flower plant and kicked it over.
The cameras around the house let me communicate so I just said, "That was rude" into the speaker. He jumped and spun around to see nothing. I asked him what he wanted and he demanded to know why I put up cameras. I said, "Because I'm a single woman living in the woods? Ya dumb idiot." He shifted from foot to foot before saying he would be back so we could talk and he left.
I messaged the video evidence of him trying to get in while I wasn't home to him, his wife, my sister and her fiancé. With the message I sent - I changed the locks because I don't know who mom gave them out to - like her friends - and I have cameras. Because of this attempt to get in while I'm not home, no one will be getting the new key. I don't just randomly try to get into your house when your not home."
He sent me a lot of nasty texts after that, trying to shame me for doing that. I told him he shouldn't be doing things he doesn't want others to know about, and that its a reflection on him, not me. He told me I was a bitch and blocked me.
My sister thinks I went too far by telling his wife, because she is threatening to take the kids to her mom's. And she thinks I went too far by showing her fiancé because now he doesn't want him to have keys to their's for emergencies. Somehow, I get the feeling this isn't over yet. Time to adopt a very big dog.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's first update:
Cuddly_piranha
OP please get a head start and just let the police know what’s going on just so you can have a paper trail. Him trying to break in is wild and it would be best to be two steps ahead.
Pghchick0294
Your brother is angry because he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Definitely get a big dog.
Gennevieve1
Figures. He was caught with his hand in the cookie jar and now he lashes out. Let him be mad. It's not your fault that he tried to sneak into your house to steal and got caught.
Three days later, the OP returned with another update.
Unlikely_Cap_713
Firstly, thank you everyone who made new comments and gave more advice. I particularly enjoyed the entire mini-thread about the geese guards. Super amazing and cute idea.
But I have a terrible fear of birds. So I am adopting a bonded pair of doggos from my local shelter. Once my name clears from the "cruel to animals" list of "these gross people aren't allowed to adopt" list, I can take them home.
No pictures yet, I'm afraid. I really wasn't set on making another post. Or if I did, it would be when this is all washed and done. I did start a paper trail with both the police and a lawyer, who is a family friend.
I documented the attempted break in, didn't press charges but had them speak with my brother, and have him put on notice. He ended up getting new phone numbers, yes with an S, to contact me to berate me and shame me for "siccing those pigs on (him)".
I took all of those messages to the lawyer and sent off a few things: a cease and desist for the alarming numbers of calls, texts, social media DMs and emails he sent me. Some were full of rage about how I "took his kids from him" and the others were about how he "knew you rat witch found money in the house".
Not once did he mention the post and honestly I'm done enough with him that I don't care if he sees it because LAWRENCE SAYS YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS MASON (fake name).
Anyway. My sister "Brittney" (fake name) asked me out to coffee and apologized for taking Mason's side. She just didn't want the friction and thought the three of us could have worked it out together instead of getting others involved.
She and her fiancé have the understanding that he handles his family and she does her's. I guess, for like disputes and things. So by sending it to him before she had a chance to even react to it, it felt like overstepping because I didn't give her the chance to do literally anything before her fiancé was losing his mind.
I did apologize because I hadn't thought of it like that. I asked her what she would have done if I had just sent her the video and she said she would have sat on it for like a day to think about it and then probably would have asked me for more information or talked to him to see what the hell he was thinking.
She also said I was a "f'ing moron" for saying the gifts I had given everyone had been from the house. I should have said something about a bonus at work or something.
I have no reason to trust her but it makes sense so I am going to cautiously keep in mind that she does have a harder time getting thoughts and emotions across in a "normal" way. Our parents weren't into the whole "test your child for xyz" so she has been struggling with the idea of being tested for certain neurodivergent tendencies.
All this said, I found something really weird and I don't want to open it. In the basement, tucked far into a corner and buried behind a bookshelf and under boxes and boxes of things is an ancient looking freezer.
It was and still is plugged in. Its running. It was buried and dusty in a way that I know there is no edible food inside of it. But you ever get that feeling that something just....isn't right?
Do I open it? Do I pretend I never saw it? Do I have someone else open it? Any ideas about why it was hidden? My one friend joked it was my grandfather's game box and it has decades old deer inside of it. Is that a thing?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's second update:
JezzLandar
2 options with the freezer. 1/ get your friend to open it with you. 2/ go to the police, all apologetic & tell them you know you're being silly, but honestly the freezer is giving you bad vibes and could someone come out to set your mind at rest/find the body/kill the zombie 😁
friendlypeopleperson
Don’t involve outside people just yet. What if there are gold bars in that freezer? Or silver coins in the frost? Or a package of cash wrapped in butchers paper (freezer paper)? There was a fad years ago where people hid their valuables in their freezer. Maybe it’s still a thing. I’d open it myself.
Vivid-Farm6291
Wow your brother is not a good person. So he and his wife broke up? If yes I suspect his behaviour in the video was the last straw for his wife. As for the freezer, open it with your friend, seems your mother kept a lot of stuff so chances are it’s cheaper meat she bought and never ate.
But if your mother was handy with a bat and held grudges and there is a missing person report on someone she knew, ask the cops to open it. Hopefully this is last you hear from your brother. He is the type to never think that he is the problem, blaming you for him loosing his kids is like huh?
Two days later, the OP returned with their final update.
Unlikely_Cap_713
I wanted to thank everyone for the words of advice and ideas how to go about finding out what is in the freezer. I also have a mini update on Mason (fake name). I will get the freezer out of the way because I know so many are eager to hear about it.
I called over my lawyer friend Lawrence (fake name, neat lil play on words yeah?) and explained that I needed more information on a few things but would need a house call because of the contractors coming and going.
When he arrived and no one was there, he looked annoyed until I explained the freezer. He told me if we found a body, he was bailing but was laughing as we went down to the basement. This was all yesterday.
We put on gloves and the masks. He held the camera, and said all this identifying stuff like date, time address, ect. I opened it. Inside were important documents sealed in a lot of plastic.
There were also old bottles of moonshines, frozen pressed flowers in a book with dates, a bit of cash (coins, specifically) and an ancient looking porcelain doll. The documents were birth certificates and death certificates going back quite a while. It looks like I would have had another sibling if they had lived, and I would have had three more aunts if they had lived, and a few other even older relatives.
We figure the flowers were from the funerals or services, considering the dates attached the pages the flowers were pressed. The bottles....jars, really... of moonshine looked old. The only reason I knew it was moonshine was thanks to Lawrence.
He said alcohol doesn't usually freeze and he opened it, and told me based on the smell. The coins will be appraised very soon, as I am also still going through all the other coins I have found in the curtains, and other odd places. Thank you to the redditor who told me to look in the curtains.
As for the doll, it looks very old but in good condition. It was in a box and wrapped with cloth, old newspapers and more. Lawrence thinks the hair on its head is real and human, because it certainly isn't synthetic.
I had to dry it off after it thawed and there is a name smudged on its foot. Its sitting on my living room coffee table right now. I'm not sure what to do with it. The news paper dates give us a vague idea of the time frame it was put away in and its old.
Onto Mason. His wife has filed for divorce. She is going for full custody. She has the kids with her at her mother's. She reached out to me and explained that Mason had told her the only thing left was the house and it was willed to all three of them, and that he was waiting for me to buy out his part of the house. But when I sent that message, something seemed hinky. So she started to dig.
Mason has maxed out all their credit cards, the house is now on a reverse mortgage when it had been paid off, and he opened a few in her name. He didn't use that "life changing money" left to him to pay off any of that.
She isn't sure where the money went but when she locked down her credit, it left him unable to use the cards he took out in her name and it sparked a massive fight. I can't even begin to imagine where the money has gone. He doesn't have new cars, new devices, new anything.
Their two kids 14F and 10M are both old enough to understand what is going on. They won't talk to him until he tells them why they are losing their childhood home, why he hurt their mom, and where all the money is. My niece knows all the accounts are empty, including her college account and she is furious. My nephew isn't as worried about college (understandable).
Mason keeps messaging me about how "its all (your) fault" and just overall being nasty. I would have blocked him if it wasn't for the fact we are collecting evidence. My sister admitted he is ranting to her about it all but she doesn't want to get him upset at her because they live just a few blocks away from each other so its easier for him to come knocking on her door.
Despite that, she will not be staying with me. My fence should be starting built any day now. I will be getting my two doggos tomorrow. I think I have everything I need. So, that is everything so far.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
LeftPhilosopher9628
Holy guacamole. I’m wondering if maybe Mason has a secret second family.
CocoaAlmondsRock
First, protect your doggos. I wouldn't put it past a desperate man to hurt them in revenge. Second, get lots and lots of cameras -- with sound -- and make sure he knows it.
This isn't about catching him doing something wrong; it's about preventing it from the beginning. I'm betting he's a gambler. A bad one. The finds in the freezer sound amazing!! I bet you can find out more about the doll if you post pics somewhere.
muddledthoughts
I definitely vote gambling...terrible gambling.
The freezer content sounds like a cool find. At least it was nothing gross.
A few days later, the OP returned with their final update.
Unlikely_Cap_713
Hello everyone! I'm sorry its been a bit since I updated. Between the fence, the new doggos, and problems with Mason, I just didn't have time to update. So to start, I am very sorry to say that I have forgotten my doggy tax.
When I have time or remember, I will post them on this profile. One is a pittie and one is a German Shepard. They are both high energy but not what one would consider "pups", though they are my pups.
Next, thank you everyone for your wonderful insight and ideas. I did pass along to my (soon to be ex) SIL about checking her children's credit. I checked mine as well. The kids have smaller problems with their credit now, thanks to Mason.
She locked down credit and I sent Lawrence (my lawyer, fake name) to speak with her and he set her on a path of wrecking Mason with one of his lawyer friends who specializes in this sort of thing. My credit was not touched but I have locked it down, and I warned my sister of the same but I haven't heard back.
To clear a few things up quickly. When my SIL told me they were "underwater on the house" I had translated that to a "reverse mortgage" because there was a big celebration years ago about them finally paying it off.
When SIL locked down her credit, she jumped through hoops and got the several cards that she did not open shut down. I don't know those details but it was done very quickly. Yes, several. So for the confusion, I do apologize. I wanted to keep things short.
I won't be able to do much in terms of trust funds for my niblings, unfortunately, but I am the trustee or overseer of the ones my mother had set up for them. Debating heavily on telling them/my SIL because word might get back to Mason.
I fronted three month's worth of rent for my SIL so she could get her own place so that the courts had no reason to look at her with suspicion. Mason is quickly going to lose the house and I don't want any reason to chance her custody.
Another reason I did that was so that she and the kids could get to somewhere he didn't know about. All contact is now through lawyers. Mason went to her mother's house while they were all out to a school function and destroyed the place.
They are still trying to figure out if anything was taken. Furniture, pictures, and decorations were smashed, clothing (including his own kids') were shredded, and he threw mud all around the house. He popped tires on my SIL's car, and threatened the neighbors.
The neighbors called the cops, there was a problem during the arrest, and he and one of the cops were sent to the ER for stitches. How he managed bail money, I don't know. But I suspect he bullied our sister Brittney into it.
Because she has been radio silent during all of this. I think he may have taken up staying with her. The house is going to be taken any day now, and my SIL is fighting to keep her car. That was what my SIL told me.
Mason has been nonstop messaging and calling me. He even started a smear campaign on social media, getting our extended family to ream me out for not supporting a grieving man who just lost his mother, his wife, his kids, his house and his dignity.
When I spoke with them it quickly became apparent he circulated one hell of a BS story that painted me as a wicked sister who stole everything from him and that's why I could afford to do all the work on the house. Like, I have a drug problem and dried up everything he had for drugs, rehab and more. All. BS. Even after talking with them, not very many believe me.
My fence is being built, and work around the house is still ongoing. I added a home security system and a few hidden baseball bats because some of the DMs I got about what he could do scared me. I added extra locks around the house and am considering getting rid of the sliding glass door or getting something to lock it like a gate.
Lawrence warned me putting too much going forward might harm my case of a restraining order and slander. So if I update it might not be for a while unless something wild happens.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response the the OP's final post:
2ndBestAtEverything
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that this has taken an even bigger turn for the worse. Hate to say it but I think it might be best to give Britney a timeout and focus on your SIL and nibblings. TBF, I think you already know that. Enjoy your two new best friends and getting settled into your new normal.
soullessginger93
If you have proof that he is making threats against you, it might be enough to revoke his bail. It's worth talking to your lawyer about.
Rosalie-83
This. Send all those threats on to the lawyer. Bail has conditions if any of those conditions are related to contacting you op or even threats in general he’ll go back in, where frankly it would be best for him to be.