'AITA for not showing a lot of empathy for my ex about his mom?'
"AITA for not showing a lot of empathy for my ex about his mom?"
My ex and I, I'll call him "Steve," dated for 4 and a half years. I was still in high school, still technically a minor as I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. It ended pretty bad as he put his hands on me and tried dragging me down a flight of stairs.
His sister thankfully intervened and I never went back. Anyways, I moved out of state 5 years ago and have had no contact with him since the breakup, which was back in 2019.
Blocked on all fronts. I've been in a healthy, happy relationship with my current bf for almost two years now. At the beginning of this year, my ex has started contacting my family and friends to get in touch with me. He even had some girl message me on FB, asking me to unblock him. I didn't respond and blocked her.
He's messaged my sisters, my brothers, my cousins. He even asked two of my sisters out on a date which, I thought was weird but, to each their own as I don't have that much of a close relationship with my siblings anyways. I told them to just ignore or block him, that I didn't want to hear or know anything. Then, he started requesting to follow me on Instagram from various accounts.
I messaged him, asking him to please stop, leave me alone, and live his life. Blocked every account. But he kept trying as recently as today where I got another follow request from a new account of his. He messaged me brother two weeks ago and my cousin just last week asking about me. Now I'm starting to get anxious.
My stepdad reached out to him and warned him. I've had male cousins tell him to stop. He blocked my boyfriend after he cursed him out. But he just won't stop. Today, after he requested to follow me (I didn't accept) I asked him what it is he needed to tell me. His mom and I had a pretty close relationship.
She even told me just cause him and I weren't together, didn't mean we couldn't still talk. Eventually though, we fell off and lost contact. Especially with my move. He told me she was ill. And though I am sad for her, I still don't want anything to do with him after what he's been doing this year.
My friends, though they don't like him, think I'm being too hard. Saying that's his mother and she can't control what he does. And I get that. But I also see this as a way for him to try and wiggle his way into my life, even if just for a second. And I can't have that. I do wish his mother well and am praying for her. But I cannot be in the same room as her son as I no longer feel safe. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Upbeat_vanilla_7285 wrote:
NTA. Tell him message received but do not contact you anymore else am going to file stalking charges.
OP responded:
Can I do that from another state? Because if so, I will gladly start the process.
Bulky-Engineer4068 wrote:
NTA. Your friends saying you’re too hard are missing a key piece. This isn’t a neutral ex from a clean breakup. This is someone who put his hands on you and is now showing obsessive, boundary-violating behavior.
OP responded:
That's what I told them. They doubled down but did manage to make me feel a bit guilty. I know my safety is a priority though.
Suspicious_Lie651 wrote:
NTA - I don’t even know how you’d be the arse. He harassing you and your family and friends there is nothing wrong with you blocking him.
OP responded:
I've blocked him on everything. Even changed my number at least 5 times since moving here in case he somehow found out. It's getting to a point where I don't even want to be on social media anymore, fearing he might find where I live.
Amazing_reality2980 wrote:
NTA he was dangerous with you. It's totally understandable that you don't want any contact with him at all, even through his mother. I would tell him if he contacts you again you're going to file a restraining order on him. And if he does contact you again, go to the authorities and file the complaint. He does not have the right to harass you like this.
And find better friends. They're literally trying to get you to stay in contact with someone who was violent with you. That's horrible and no true friend would encourage you to do that. Dump those friends.
OP responded:
Would I even be able to get a restraining order if I am in another state? I recently had one denied for someone actively stalking me in person. If I can do anything to keep him from contacting me, I will try.
ThirstTaffy wrote:
You’re NTA at all, compassion doesn’t mean reopening the door to someone who hurt you and keeps violating your boundaries. You can feel sorry for his mom and still choose your safety and peace without guilt.