'AITA for not standing up for my family when we were excluded from a vacation?'
"AITA for not standing up for my family when we were excluded from a family vacation?"
My mom and her husband are quite well off. When they travel they want the best of everything and they understand it isn't affordable for everyone, so in the past when they wanted to do a family trip, they would pay for my sisters and I.
I'm the oldest of 3 and my mom's husband isn't my father (but he is my sibling's father) We don't get along and don't really speak, but we maintain a civil relationship for my mother's sake.
My children call him by his first name and really don't interact with him either. I'm aware he would probably prefer that we never came on family trips, but he would also never put my mom in that position.
We recently found out that my family is doing a huge trip to Egypt for his 60th birthday in October. We were not included which I think makes sense as we have no relationship with this man, and this isn't a normal family vacation.
My wife is furious. She says we are being snubbed, my mom is playing favorites with the grandkids, and that I need to stand up to them. I told them he is perfectly polite on family trips and is allowed to spend his birthday with his wife and children, not some people he doesn't even speak to.
I pointed out when my mom turned 50 a couple years ago, we were treated to an incredible trip. She began to tear up and said it was awful that my sister's kids would have this experience and ours wouldn't. I absolutely refuse to say anything to my family. It feels entitled when I've never even wished this man a happy birthday.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NoImagination7892 said:
NTA. I think you have a healthy view of the situation. While it does suck that you aren't included on this trip, it is specifically for his birthday, and they have included you in other trips. If it were to celebrate your mom, it. would be different.
Visible_Traffic_5774 said:
NTA- you sound reasonable and it would be entitled if you spoke up. If she wants to go to Egypt, she can start saving.
ComprehensivePut5569 said:
NTA - Your wife is acting entitled. Ignore her tantrum.
NervousAd7170 said:
NTA seems like she just wants to use your family for the expensive trip and doesn't care what the family actually wants. It makes complete sense that your mother's husband wouldn't want to pay for such an expensive trip for someone who doesn't actually have a relationship with him.
(Kinda like paying for a complete stranger to go on a family trip). Good for you for standing up to your wife instead of making a very awkward argument with your mother's husband.
Amazing_Reality2980 said:
NTA if you don't really have a relationship with him, then it's unreasonable to expect that you would be included. This is not your mom's event. While it would be nice if you were included, you're not entitled.
Your wife is just jealous and she needs to chill out. If she wants to be included in everything, then maybe she should try harder to build a relationship with him. He's not doing anything wrong though to just invite his own children and the people who he's close to.
FrannyFray said:
NTA. You have a relationship boundary with your stepfather as it should be. It would be hypocritical of you now to act friendly in order to go on a trip. You would be seen as a mooch. No, your wife should have some pride and not force the issue. Never beg someone for attention.
Interesting-Set2429 said:
NTA - Your wife feels very entitled to someone else's money that you don't even have a relationship with. Why doesn't her parents pay for your family vacation to Egypt?