'AITA for not staying the night with a guy after I was third wheel on a date with his MOM?'

"AITA for not staying the night after I third wheeled on a first date with a guy… and his mom."

Last night I (26f) went on a first date with a new guy (28m) I’m talking to. I have known him for a couple of months, but we haven’t started “talking” until recently. Last week he asked me if I wanted to go to a hockey game with him and his mom and it actually sounded fun to me.

I have never been to a hockey game and I didn’t really mind that his mom was going because he had those plans with her first anyways and invited me to tag along. His house is a 2 hour drive from mine and he lives close to the hockey arena. The plan was for me to stay at his place afterwards so I wouldn’t have to make a late 2 hour drive back home.

I assumed that when he invited me to a hockey game with him and his mom that we would be sitting together. But I assumed that wrong. After I arrived, he said that his friend and his friends girlfriend were coming too. He said he had a set of 2 seats together and a set of 3 seats together.

The 2 seats were a little closer to the court, so he said he wanted his mom to sit with him in the 2 seats first and that I would sit with his friend and friends girlfriend in the 3 seats. (Keep in mind - I did not know his friend or his friends girlfriend. I just met them last night).

There are 3 periods in the game, so he wanted his mom to sit with him for the first period of the game and I would sit with his friend & friends girlfriend. Then we would switch and I would sit with him and his mom would sit with his friends for the second period. And for the third period we would switch again.

He had bought the 3 seats together first for him, his mom and myself. When someone offered those 2 seats closer to the court, he bought those too. And THEN invited his friend and friends girlfriend to come so I would have someone to sit with.

After the first period, he changed the plans and him and his mom came to sit with me in the 3 seats and his friend & friends girlfriend went to the 2 seats. I believe his friend said something to him about it because his friend also thought it was strange to make me sit with them when we could all 3 sit together and they could go to the other seats.

I am glad this change happened because I felt like it was just weird to have me and his mom switch places like that. And the 3 seats together were really good anyways. They were lower level and we could see the entire court.

Let’s backtrack a little bit: During the first period, my mom who was keeping my dog texted me. Anyone that knows me knows my dog is my absolute baby. He is 12 years old and has been with me through so much. I love him so much and will drop anything to take care of him. I have even called out sick from work before when my dog was sick so that I could stay home and care for him.

He has degenerative disc disease which is a problem in his spine. The discs in his spine can get inflamed and cause him immense pain where he is not able to walk at all. So, when my mom told me that my dog was having a flare up and was not doing well, I immediately knew that I would need to go get him from my mom and take care of him after the hockey game.

While my mom is a great caregiver for my dog, I would feel much better being home with him and caring for him myself. He has ended up in the animal hospital for multiple days before because of his condition and I didn’t want that to happen again.

So, I told my date after the first period that I would probably have to go home tonight and take care of my dog instead of staying. I explained to him what was going on. He immediately seemed annoyed, saying it’s “just a dog” and that “the dog will be fine” and “you better stay the night with me.”

And WHOA - I immediately felt icky with that response. I could forgive the feelings towards my dog being “just a dog”, because I am aware that people who aren’t dog parents may not understand the love that we have for our pets. They are family. But his statement saying I BETTER stay with him really didn’t sit well with me.

After the game we took an Uber back to his house. He started arguing with me about me wanting to leave to take care of my dog. He raised his voice at me as well, saying “If your dog is that important then just go. Get out. You’re wasting time just sitting here.” He also said “You could at least give me a back rub before you leave.”

I was utterly stunned at the words coming out of his mouth. I gathered my things and walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind me. A moment later he came out of his room and rushed downstairs to lock the door behind me. He was still raising his voice and fussing at me saying I was full of BS.

I walked myself to my car which was across the parking lot in his townhome complex. I got in my car shocked at what had just went down and started driving away. A few minutes after driving he called me and started fussing again. He told me it was a “slap in the face” for me to leave when the entire night was all about me and he was doing everything he could to make sure I had fun.

Honestly, I disagree with that statement because of how he handled the seating arrangements. But, I was not even upset about that anymore. The reason I was driving home was because my dog was in pain and I wanted to be there with my dog. I tried to explain it again once more but he started yelling and cussing again on the phone so I hung up. So, AITA for driving home instead of staying at his house after the date?

Edit: There are a lot of comments asking why I’m even asking AITA. When I originally wrote this post, I was still feeling guilty for bailing the original plan BECAUSE of the manipulation tactics he was using. Hindsight is 20/20 and I know differently now.

She later shared this update:

My fur baby is feeling better this morning.

After reading these comments, I do want to clarify that I felt icky all night. And even if my dog hadn’t been sick, I do feel like I would NOT have stayed at his house with the behavior he was showing.

But in my head I always feel like I need extra excuses or reasons. I understand now that I really didn’t even need to explain myself to him regardless. I would have left last night. Thank you all for showing such kindness and support. This was definitely the weirdest date I’ve ever had and now I have a great story to tell at Thanksgiving. I’m glad me and my pup are both safe today!

Edit: I have known him for 10 months now. It is just recently that we actually started talking and I agreed to go. I would NEVER actually stay at someone’s house on a first date if I had just met them.

Second update:

The consensus I have gathered from these comments is I’m NTA. Thanks for that and all of your kind words. This is my first time really using and trying to understand Reddit as my only experience with it is listening to the THT podcast… I have realized that I used the wrong Flair for this post. Maybe I should have wrote this as a personal write in instead. I clearly KNEW the whole time that I was NTA and that this dude was psychotic.

But regardless, his words and demeanor did make me feel guilty FOR MAYBE A MINUTE because of the manipulation tactics. I’m not going to say anymore but I am amazed at how helpful it's been to post here! Haha. The dude was blocked before I ever even wrote this post to begin with. Thanks y’all.