'AITA for not supporting all the choices my daughter made over her wedding weekend?'
"AITA for not supporting all the choices my daughter made over her wedding weekend?"
My daughter, Anastasia, got married a week ago. In the months leading up to the event, she was understandably anxious, which her father and I tried to help her through as much as possible. Originally, Anastasia planned on having a wedding weekend.
She married on a Sunday but wanted everyone there that Thursday to kick off the weekend with a few activities. Most guests were coming from across the country. First, she changed the welcome barbecue to basically just cold cuts and chips, even when her dad and I offered to buy the stuff she originally promised.
But she said no. Then she cancelled all the activities and said she was too stressed to do any of them. She said it was nothing the family did, just her stress. While I understood her side, I did also understand the side of her guests who were upset they spent all this money to come early, have accommodations for a full weekend and now, they had very little to do.
Then, a few members of the bridal party who had flown in out of state with plus ones stated they felt bad for their partners for basically abandoning them. They ended up skipping a few events because Anastasia had told them to treat Thursday and Friday as a vacation then took that back and expected them to ignore their partners.
Anastasia was pissed and began venting to me. I tried to be understanding at first. Eventually, she only had myself, her maid of honor and one bridesmaid attending a movie night she arranged.
The bridesmaid ended up leaving early because she felt bad her partner had basically been cooped up in their hotel alone (there really isn’t a ton to do around here). She and the other bridesmaids promised they’d be there for the sleepover they had always planned for the night before the wedding so everyone could get ready together morning of.
After this, Anastasia threw a fit, saying she felt abandoned by most of her bridal party. Her maid of honor was reassuring her that she did the right thing and they were being aholes. They both looked to me and my husband for support.
Eventually, I said I understood her bridesmaids. I also understood why our family was upset. While it’s understandable she’s stressed and why she didn’t want to do the originally planned events, she did cause a lot of people to waste money and time coming down here. As well as put her bridal party in an awkward position.
Anastasia refused to discuss it more. The rest of the weekend went on as she wanted. The wedding was beautiful and everyone had a good time. Then Anastasia and her husband went on a short honeymoon. They returned on Friday and we had dinner on Saturday.
At one point, Anastasia confronted me privately and said I was wrong for not supporting her. She said I was supposed to be on her side. I said I would’ve been but she was teetering on bridezilla territory. Just because it’s her special day doesn’t mean how she handled things was okay. She insists that I was in the wrong for not backing her up. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
jippyzippylippy said:
NTA. She was beyond rude to her guests, flip-flopping on the decisions when it was too late for them to gracefully back out of that train-wreck. Not good. Her "special weekend" became their nightmare.
OwlPal9182 said:
NTA. You do not tell people what they want to hear when they are making bad decisions. That only leads to future bad decisions. She needs to learn from this and realize she made some poor choices, nothing super bad, but definitely very inconsiderate.
Honeybee-18 said:
NTA. What classless behavior on your daughter’s part.
LemonthymeTime said:
NTA. One of the hardest parts of truly being on someone's side and supporting them, is calling them out when they are wrong and being present in whatever capacity they need + you can provide in coming up with solutions.
Support does not mean carte blanche yes-manning everything they want or say. Support means helping people grow even when it is uncomfortable, and providing a place of reflection when they lose sight of themselves (both good and bad).
roseds- said:
NTA. You didn't dismiss your daughter's feelings or concerns but chose to be honest about the impact of her decisions. Supporting her doesn't mean blindly agreeing with everything she does...
it means providing honest feedback and guidance when necessary. Your intention was likely to help her reflect on her actions and improve her approach in the future.
JJ-Gonz said:
Nta. I think you did the right thing by trying to reign her back into reality in a gentle way. Good on you for sticking to your guns after the fact. I'm more than capable of making friends with other husbands and fending for myself, but I'd be pissed if we spent extra money for a few extra days of nothing as well.
throwaway-rayray said:
NTA - sometimes the kindest and most supportive thing you can do for someone is be honest. Her behaviour was bad and damaging to friendships and family relationships. Calling her on it gives her a chance to walk it back.