'AITA for not talking to my family anymore after they took my ex husband's side?'
"AITA for not talking to my family anymore after they took my ex husband's side?"
I (30f) got divorced in 2023. It was very sudden and awful. Basically my ex husband (35m) and I got in a fight about work (he wouldn’t get a job) and my social life (he didn’t like that I went out with friends sometimes).
I will fully admit that I was pretty fed up with my ex at this point and I finally let him know how I feel, in not so nice terms. He left in the middle of the night after yelling at me in front of the kids, calling me names, and chasing me.
I called my dad while all this was going on because at one point I was in my car with the doors locked while my ex banged on the windows and yelled at me to “get out of the car and talk to him like an adult." My dad said I should get out of the car and talk to him, but what I really wanted was for my dad to come protect me from this very angry man…
I ended up asking my ex to leave and go stay at his mom's for a couple days so we could cool down and I could process. 2 days later, my ex showed up at my house with a trailer, took everything that belonged to the kids and himself out of our house, and took the kids away.
He wouldn’t let me see our 3 kids for almost 2 weeks and I only was able to see them by getting emergency custody via the court and having a sheriff go get the kids from his house. He told anyone who would listen that I had cheated on him (which never happened) and used that as his excuse for leaving.
He told our kids that I had kicked them all out and I didn’t want them anymore, and he even called my 6-year-old son an “ahole” for wanting to stay at my house. Since then we have reached a 50/50 custody agreement but my ex continues to bully me, belittle me, and tell our kids lies about me.
He has a fancy lawyer (either paid for by his mom, or he’s hoping I’ll pay it when he “wins”) and I can’t afford one so he just keeps coming at me in court and I feel so defeated. My parents and my sister have been in contact with my ex since the divorce, they’ve hung out with him at the kids school events, and been in contact with him via text, all behind my back.
My mom told me that “he will always be her son” which makes my stomach churn. It just feels like the ultimate betrayal to have my family be chummy with someone who hurt me so much and is actively harming me. I’ve not seen my family in months and have only spoke to them a few times via text. I miss my family but I can’t seem to get them to own up to what they’ve done or see my side of things.
My kids miss my family and ask to see them, but I just can’t. I feel so unsafe around them and I don’t trust them to tell me the truth. So am I the ahole for not talking to my family anymore?
Or am I right to protect myself from them? Any advice or encouragement is greatly appreciated. I think I really am just looking for a little support after everything I’ve been through.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Interesting_Low3179 said:
NTA. Document everything. You will need it.
janus1981 said:
NTA. Your family is awful. I’m so sorry.
Decent-Muffin9530 said:
If they want to see your kids, they can coordinate with your ex.
hushykitten said:
NTA. Your ex blew up your life, scared you, weaponized the kids, and is still twisting the knife. Any family member who can watch that and still choose to buddy up with him is showing you they’re not a safe place.
You’re not cutting them off out of spite, you’re protecting your sanity and your kids’ stability. Boundaries aren’t cruel when people have already shown they won’t stand up for you.
Decent-Muffin9530 said:
When people show you who they are, believe them. Great job.
Comfortable-Focus123 said:
NTA - As I have heard and said, just because someone is related it does mean you have to be close to them (including parents). Your parents have chosen their side, and you should not trust them.