'AITA for cutting off my mom because she told her boyfriend I was lame like my dad?' UPDATED

"AITA for not talking with my mom because she told her boyfriend I was lame like my dad?"

So, last year my mom (38f) left my dad for her old boyfriend Mike. He got out of jail and mom and dad were arguing a lot and she left to be with him. I've met Mike a few times but generally when I'm with mom or at her place it's just her and me because she says she doesn't want to share her time with me with anyone else.

Except since they've got together, my mom has changed a lot. For one, she dresses different and is way more affectionate. When she picks me up from school, she's always wearing Lululemon and will wait outside the car and hug and kiss me in front of everyone before we can go and sometimes she hugs me in the morning until I wake up.

She's made me start going to the gym with her, made me start taking my uncle's Taekwondo classes and on Sunday makes me wake up at 6:00 unless it's raining to go on runs. She always makes me get so tired in the gym and my uncle is harder on me than anybody else in his class and the morning runs ruin Sunday for me.

I've told her all this but she says it's for my good and especially gets upset when I complain about my uncle. Two days ago I tried phoning my mom about something I left at her place and she didn't pick up. She butt dialed me after and when I picked up, I could hear her but she couldn't hear me and she was taking to Mike.

It was just small talk but then Mike brought me up and I heard her say to Mike straight up "He's so lame just like his dad". And then he asked if my mom would choose him over me and she said something like "obviously I'd choose my son" and that he needs to start being active in my life so I end up like him and not my dad.

It made me so mad and I still feel that way and yesterday she surprised me by picking me up from my uncle's class to take me to Dairy Queen and I just couldn't talk to her. She got really worried that something was wrong with me and when she dropped me off at my dad's I know they got into an argument. AITA for not telling her?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

ShortWoodpecker8701 wrote:

NTA because why would a mother insult her own child? She doesn’t have the right to force you into stuff she thinks makes you interesting, especially when it’s wearing you out physically and mentally.

It’s nice that she’s being affectionate but i think it’s in an attempt to make you more into what she’s making you do. She left your dad because he’s “lame” then that means you being lame in her eyes makes you leave-able.

OP responded:

I think she said that about me because I've told her how all this physical stuff isn't me and I'm sure my uncle's told her about things in his class too. But I don't think she would leave me.

ShortWoodpecker8701 wrote:

I would hope so. I’d recommend telling her about what she said and how it hurt you and see if she’d try to calm down on the physical activities.

OP responded:

I don't want her to get mad at me for spying on her and her boyfriend because she might say I should've hung up.

pure_minute_2100 wrote:

Look if you don't talk to her, about what you heard, she might start thinking your dad saying stuff, and turning you against her, so which could affect him legally depending on where you are. Also i get the physical stuff isn't for you, but stick with the taekwondo and working out, in the long run it will be good for your discipline and health.

But go at your pace. Also make it clear that you have no desire to get to know her felon boyfriend, and don't want to go to jail. Throw that in her face. Maybe don't go to your uncle gym if you feel he just bulling, make it clear that you feel it damaging your relationship with him.

OP responded:

Everyone's telling me to talk to her so I guess I have to. I doubt it'll make her stop sending me to taekwondo, I just was never into physical sports and stuff but she wants me to be and ever since my uncle told her that I have a lot of potential and am getting better, she's been pushing me to try harder.

She has this idea that I could even make the Olympic team since my uncle has consulted their coaching staff years ago. He's just a very strict guy and he's really protective of my mom.

pure_minute_2100 responded:

You could always pit them against each other, why did her new boyfriend go to jail, depending on if its a violent crime, you can imply to your uncle that you're worried he might hurt her. And that she might even trying to have you fight him.

OP responded:

My uncle would kick his a#$ if they ever fought and I'm pretty sure Mike's afraid of him too since we all had a dinner and he was really quiet and polite to him the whole time. I don't know why Mike went to jail and when I asked my mom just said it doesn't matter because he was innocent and I don't know how she knows that but she believes it.

1RainbowUn1corn wrote:

NTA, but you really should tell her what you heard and tell her to stop trying to make you into someone you are not. Why would she want you to be like some dude who's been in PRISON? Smfh.

OP responded:

I don't know but she's happier with him than she ever has been with my dad. They used to date when they were in high school and I guess she always wanted to be with him.

Three weeks later, OP shared an update.

I'm not really sure what to type but I feel like I need to write about some things that have happened. When I was writing my last post I was reading the Expanse books and pretty much there's stuff in the second one about moms not seeing their kids. I know that's so different from my situation and it's not real but I think that it's what got me really emotional and scared and I didn't realize that until I looked back at it.

So my dad pretty much told me that I needed to talk to my mom because he didn't want to deal with her and she was going to pick me up from school so we could work it out. When she did I just tried talking to her like normal or lying but she knew I was lying and seemed really worried.

So, I told her everything and it made her cry and I felt really awful but then she started apologizing to me which was really weird. She told me that she shouldn't have said that and she was wrong to say it and that I'm not lame.

She said that I'm her only child and that sometimes she gets jealous of how much I'm like my dad she and wishes I was more like her. She ranted about how much she hates my dad and how he ruined her life and it was his fault she said it. And then she started saying she'd die without me and promising that she was going to make it up to me and never say something like that again.

And since then, she really has tried, like she'll come to school randomly during lunch time and drop me off lunch or make special dinner for me or even help out with my uncle's classes (she's not as good as him but knows the lessons). But literally the week after she also forced me to go to counseling with her and is making me go with her every week now.

All we do there is talk and we've talked so much now about what she said that and how I felt about it that I'm kind of annoyed by it. So yeah, I don't really like it but she seems to think it's helping and she even said once she should've made us go the moment she left my dad. Beside that, Mike proposed to my mom and she accepted and she honestly seems happier than she's ever been.

She's been hanging out with his daughter and his niece a lot too to plan her wedding. I'm still not close to him or anything but I don't know, I don't feel like I can say anything with how happy my mom is. I mean, she's calling all of our relatives to tell them the news and telling me to start writing my speech. Dad's been pissed off ever since he learned.

And the worst part is that after she made me admit this in the counseling she listened to the therapist and wants me to start going to sessions by myself. She said my uncle will take me on the days that she's going to book for me so I won't feel any pressure from her. I just hate it, I hate talking about these things and I wish I didn't have to.

The internet continued to offer their feedback.

GJardeen wrote:

Oh man, your mom sounds really intense. While I’m glad she apologized I hope you remember that you don’t need to get sucked into her emotional tornado. Her relationship with your dad is not your burden to bear, and neither is her relationship with Mike. Good luck navigating this.

OP responded:

She doesn't usually talk about my dad.

PotentialDig7527 wrote:

Is there something wrong with your Mom? Is she drinking or doing dr#$@s, because she doesn't sound normal.

OP responded:

She doesn't drink or do d#$gs. Why would you think that?

swinging_dix responded:

Because she's having a mid-life crisis. You know that s#$t she said about you being lame is what she really thinks, right? No matter what she says now, she's just lying to save face. When she called you lame, she felt safe to say what she really thinks because she was alone with her loser, ex-con boyfriend. She had absolutely no reason to lie in that moment, and every reason to lie after you found out.

Agoraphobe961 wrote:

NTA. Tell the therapist that your mom is both comparing you to your father while at the same time she is ranting about how much she hates him/it’s all his fault/etc. that every time she rants about him, it feels like she’s ranting about you.

OP responded:

She barely ever talks about my dad and we did talk about that with the therapist. We've talked about that so much now that I wish it never happened.