'My husband went on a last date with his ex a week before we got married to make sure. AITA?'
"My husband went on a last date with his ex a week before we got married to make sure. AITA?"
His ex was always “the one who got away” according to everyone around him. He ended things because he didn’t see a future with her, but everyone around him was shocked because she’s so good and beautiful. Then we met and I soon understood that everyone from his side preferred her.
I even heard some call me the Camilla, although I am neither much older nor less attractive (in my opinion, I love how I look even if I don’t tick all of the beauty boxes like tall, blonde, blue eyes etc like his ex). He never given me any reason to doubt him however.
He gave me the impression that he knew exactly what he wanted. Was secure enough in his heart that he told me he loved me a few months into our relationship and I never felt like he was lying or that I wasn’t enough.
He is fully aware of what people think about him leaving his ex and he gave the impression that he thought they were silly and childish. He told his mom that I am who he chosen and if she wanted a part of it, she needed to clean up her act.
We got married 3 years ago and only now I found out that he went on a date with his ex, a few days before our wedding. He wanted to know for sure that she wasn’t like everyone around him thought, the one who got away. He wanted to make 100% sure.
His mom told me gleefully when she visited our new baby and she looked at my daughter and said she wondered what would have happened if he changed his mind after that date and she was visiting their baby now. My husband and the one who got away’s. With a sigh but gleefully. You know what I mean.
I haven’t spoken to him for a week and I hate silent treatment but I just can’t talk to him. It isn’t something I am doing to punish him. Or manipulate him. Or get the upper hand and control him. I just can’t look at him or talk to him. AITA for this silent treatment?
Edit: He was there when it happened. He told his mom to shut up. Then he admitted he went on the date and admitted the reason his mom told me was the truth.
Camilla is the woman King Charles chose over princess Di. His family called me Camilla and are still calling me Camilla. That should be proof enough that yes, he was the one who ended the relationship.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Your husband is an AH but your mother in law loathes you. To think she held onto this information until you were happy with a new baby, totally vulnerable and then decided to drop this. That is calculated evil.
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
It sounded more like a spur of the moment at first but maybe you’re right. Not sure anymore.
No. She sat on that for years. It didn't just pop into her head. She was waiting for the perfect moment.
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
That’s evil.
NTA. Why can't people just be honest? If he had told you he had lunch with his ex before you got married, would you still marry him?
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
The short answer is no. I would not have married him. I would have known that it would always be a sore moment and a what if and I wouldn’t want to live like that. I think I am way better than what if.
Use a divorce lawyer and parenting app. You don’t have to talk with him ever again. Had a friend do that and it helped her mental health and made the divorce easier for her to handle.
I fantasize about this but I know I am not in my right mind right now and I don’t want to make hasty decisions.
Did he also sl$$p with her just to make sure.
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
He says he didn’t sl$$p with her.
Do you believe him?
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
I don’t know. I asked him and he adamantly denied it but he confessed everything else. I truly believe that if he did, his mother would have made sure I knew to get rid of me. So this is why I don’t know. Her not rubbing it in my face is my “truth.”
It sounds like you don't even know what transpired on this date, right? I mean, you could let your husband explain and spend the rest of his life showing you that you were always his first choice. And one way he needs to do that is cutting his nasty mother out of your lives.
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
I will never know for sure will I? I will only ever have his account and his mother’s account and they are the same in that he wanted to make sure he took the right decision.
My bet is that if there was something more his mother wouldn’t have hesitated in telling me the hurtful details but she too said it was because he wanted to make sure.
Anything about the ex rejecting him or me being a backup is speculations in the comments probably to add more insult to injury. Some people thrive on seeing hurt people hurt even more.
A good marriage counselor will get it out of him. You have to seek professional (not at your church) psychologist counseling.
GreenFar5824 OP responded:
Can a marriage continue when you know it wouldn’t be the same? That it would be a bit worse?
Can you not message his ex for clarification via social media?
I don’t think she likes me very much to give me any honesty. She calls me a pig on social media.
What did he admit too?
What he described was that He got cold feet(he didn’t use these words), but that he was getting lots of doubt from his family and best friends about ending up with me and not his ex so he wanted to make sure. Then he told them he was sure. This was a few days before our wedding.