'AITA for not telling my best friend the REAL reason I’m not at his wedding?'

"AITA for not telling my best friend the real reason I’m not at his wedding?"

I (29M) was supposed to be a groomsman for my best friend (30M) as we’ve been tight since we were kids. This weekend, he’s marrying his fiancée (28F) who I’ve known since they were dating long distance in high school.

At his bachelor party last weekend, we started off at my place and transitioned to bar hopping and by the end, my best friend was drunk and the guys (all our mutual friends and some of his cousins) were egging him on to do a last kiss before marriage dare.

For extra info, I'm not a fan of that "custom" at bachelors or bachelorettes bc it honestly makes it look like you’re being held hostage to marry the love of your life, plus it’s just disrespectful to your partner (but that’s just an opinion I have and to each their own, but I knew my best friend shared it too).

Still, I figured if had be, my best friend wouldn’t do it because I know he loves his fiancée very much. To my literal shock and horror, he turned around, grabbed and kissed me.

Not even a dumb peck like he actually dipped me and held it for a few seconds until everyone was laughing obnoxiously. I didn’t kiss back, I just froze and laughed it off when it finished. Later, I realized I wasn’t having much fun anymore and bailed early, taking some of our drunker friends home with me.

The next day, his fiancée first texted me on insta, then on Whatsapp asking to talk, and then called me. She wasn’t yelling or anything, but was just kind of awkward. She said she knew about the kiss, and that while she didn’t love it, she was glad it was me and not some random girl.

She said if he’d kissed another woman, she’d have taken it as cheating and dealt with it worse. I agreed and backed her point saying I wouldn't have encouraged or allowed that. But at the same time, she admitted she didn’t feel comfortable with me being at the wedding now either, because it would just be in the back of her head.

I was admittedly stunned at first, and then mad, then upset, but came to the conclusion that it was her wedding at the end of the day, and told her I got it and wouldn’t go. She thanked me for understanding, but also asked me not to tell my best friend that she was the one who asked.

I have already sent the text backing out, giving reasons regarding work and my best friend was very upset and asked me if I could back out in any way. I freelance, by the way, and he knows this, so my lie wasn’t a good one and he went from upset to straight up mad at me for bailing out on his wedding day for work.

All our mutuals have texted me in our shared wedding group chat and have asked me to reconsider and told me there's no way I’m skipping his wedding for work I myself manage, some being harsher and some passive aggressive, all very valid.

Now I’m stuck looking like the ahole when I was literally asked not to go, and also asked not to say that I was asked not to go. Everyone around me thinks I’m this ahole for prioritizing work over my best friend's wedding and I honestly don’t know how to navigate this without losing people.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Bubblegumsplant said:

NTA but bro don't do this to yourself and come off as the bad guy. He shouldn't have kissed you, that was disrespectful to his fiancée, but his fiancée shouldn't be asking you not to tell people either. She needs to own her decisions. You are literally shooting yourself in the foot. Just come clean.

Jessicanne505 said:

I would tell my friend the truth. She shouldn’t be lying to her soon to be husband, and she shouldn’t have you lying for her.

No-Nobody-5115 said:

NTA. You’re stuck in a no-win situation. His fiancée asked you not to come and not to tell him why, so now you look like the bad guy for bailing. None of this was your choice, but you’re taking all the heat. At some point you’ll need to decide if protecting her secret is worth risking your friendship.

LuisaPepa85 said:

NTA. But tell the truth. It’s not your fault and don’t let anybody think bad of you because the bride is a coward and the groom clueless.

you-dingles aid:

NTA, but tell him. He deserves to know the consequences of his actions. Tell the fiancé that, respectfully, he is your bestie for restie and you don’t want to lie to him. I’d be mad and hurt to find out that my now-spouse...

...and a dear friend who was supposed to be member of our wedding party were keeping a shared secret from me. Dishonesty at the start of a marriage is catastrophic, so I can’t understand her wanting to hide a secret right now.

Tough_Tangerine7278 said:

I’d text her to give her the heads up that you’re going to be honest with folks, because you aren’t going to take the fall for his kiss that you didn’t even want. Then tell everyone the truth. Screenshot it. It’s HIS fault, he ought to take the fall, and it sounds like everyone knows anyway. HE is the AH; not you or the fiancé.