'AITA for not telling my husband that I've been making his food less spicy?'
"AITA for not telling my husband that I've been making his food less spicy?'
Hi everyone, I'm writing here cause I need opinions. I (F 35) have been married to my husband (M 40) for 10 years. I come from a heritage that eats spicy food, but my husband doesn't, in fact, my husband can't handle spice much.
In the first years of our marriage. I would watch him go red, sweat, tear up, etc. every time I cooked my cultural dishes. So I decided I would make the food less spicy and make my plate spicy.
Now here's where the problem begins. My daughter (4) recently tried eating my food, I told her she shouldn't eat my food cause it's too spicy and she should eat her dad's. My husband and I always believe in being upfront with our daughter, so when my husband heard this, he looked confused.
Later, he asked me why would I lie, and I basically told him I didn't. During this, it became clear that my husband thought he got used to the spice. He told me I lied about this when I didn't. I just never told him.
he has been upset with me every since. His been replying with short responses, which is triggering to me as my mom would ignore or respond to me in short responses as a child. I genuinely thought I was helping him still enjoy my cultural food but with less spice.
My biggest fear is our baby girl noticing or him being upset at me to the point we can't fix it and losing my husband due to me not communicating.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Due-Background8370 said:
Husband needs to grow up NTA.
Quiet-Champion3649 said
Well he obviously wants you to feed him the same as you’re eating. Fire him up girl.
[deleted] said:
I like food that's salty and my husband does not. Because of that, I often add salt to food on my plate. I cannot imagine a situation where this would be considered a lie.
AwkwardDuckling87 said:
Having a hard time imagining an ego so fragile it's damaged by not being able to handle the spice level it thought it could. NTA.
Beneficial-Eye4578 said:
He probably felt proud of himself that he’s able to tolerate more spice. So it took him off guard. He’s sulking like a young child. Give him a few days to sulk and then explain you did it because you didn’t want to see him suffer and at the same time. You wanted to enjoy your cultural food. But also talk to him about his behavior after. This silent treatment is not a good communication skill.
Evening_Eagle425 said:
NTA...seriously juvenile. My wife and MIL tone mine down when making cultural dishes, and I'm grateful for it. Cooking his specifically to his tastes is a kindness.
Cabanna1968 said:
Just stop altering the food you cook for him. Giving you the silent treatment over a minor misunderstanding is juvenile. Buy him some chicken nuggets and boxed mac 'n cheese. Let him eat like he behaves. Juvenile. NTA.
Bored-Turnip said:
NTA. If my partner did that for me, I wouldn't care. In fact, I'd be thankful for them being considerate.
DanaMarie75038 said:
NTA. Your husband is being a child. His upset because his food is not as spicy?! And he can eat it! That is not a measure of his manhood if that’s what he is worried about.
After reading the comments, OP updated the post to include:
My husband has made it clear that he hated spicy food he has always complained about. I apologized, but he still is reacting. To preface, this happened 4 days ago. I didn't remove all heat. I just lowered it.
My daughter has IBS, so I'm scared of giving her spicy food. He has reacted like this before when we got in a disagreement on his time with gaming, but it wasn't this bad. I am a music and drama teacher. I am not a stay at home mom.
I cook in the house as he can't cook. I appreciate everyone's comments and opinions. I understand that I'm wrong for not communicating. I've realized from this that communicating is something that I need to work on.