"AITA for not telling my friend my exact pay rise at work?"
I’m currently between contracts and doing bartending work. A close friend (10+ years) posted that her workplace needed a bartender. I picked up a shift, and a couple of days later management offered me a bar supervisor role.
Before signing the contract, I told my friend I planned to ask for a slightly higher wage, matching what I earned elsewhere. She’d recently taken a large pay cut (nearly a third) to become assistant manager with more responsibility, and I told her she should have been firm about being paid her worth.
While signing my contract, the manager explicitly told me not to discuss my pay with other staff to avoid upsetting people who’d been there longer. When I came back downstairs, my friend asked how much I was on while other staff were nearby. She guessed £14, then £13. I said ‘a bit more’, but didn’t give the exact figure because people were in earshot.
A couple of days later at the staff Christmas party (again, not a private setting), she expected me to tell her then.
Recently, she called me furious after going into the office and looking for my contract. The difference was 65p more per hour.
She accused me of lying, hiding it from her, and said it made her question our friendship over ‘something so small’. I explained I wasn’t hiding anything but she asked at an inappropriate time, and if she’d texted or asked privately, I would’ve told her. I also feel 65p on minimum wage isn’t life-changing.
For more context: about 4/5 years ago, my dad was critically ill for months and later passed away. During that time, this friend group cut me off and spoke about me behind my back, which deeply affected my mental health and trust. We later reconciled, but it left scars.
She’s now using that history to say she can’t trust me, calling me selfish, sly, and accusing me without asking calmly. I told her I’m disappointed, that I wasn’t hiding things or lying, and that she should have fact-checked before accusing me. I said that I’m really disappointed and shocked with this argument, that’s her choice, but I won’t accept being accused unfairly. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
shamim271 wrote:
I would of. Why do you care if they know? If you don't trust them to tell your employer that's one thing but talking about how your company told you not to and stuff sounds like excuses. My main point is, this won't affect you negatively but might help them but you chose not to anyway which makes you a bit of a crappy friend.
But hey what do I know, I am sure some random people's opinion who don't give a crap about you is more important than a 10+ year friendship.
OP responded:
I don’t care if she knows, she’s also the assistant manager. We’d had a long conversation before I signed the contract, and I said that I was going to ask for more and she should to. She asked me straight after I came back out, in a room full of other staff straight after members while we were closing the bar. I would have told her in private.
2bcu wrote:
NTA. It’s illegal for your employer to ask you not to discuss your pay with your employees (NLRA). However, that doesn’t then mean that you are required to discuss that information if you don’t desire to do so. It’s your personal business.
Your “friend” isn’t a friend. She’s entitled, jealous, and not kind to you. You don’t owe her that information about your pay as it isn’t her business. She shouldn’t have taken a pay cut if she cared about it so much. Get a new friend and congratulations for sticking up for yourself.
west-kaleidoscope129 wrote:
The fact she went to the office to seek out your contract means she may have broken GDPR laws. Your employer can ask you to not share your salary with others but they cannot legally make it a rule (Equality act 2010).
However, if your boss gets wind of it they could find any reason whatsoever to sack you since you've not worked there for 2 years yet. They can't sack you for sharing this information but they can easily find something else, such as "no longer needed."
NTA - It's non of her business. But your boss needs to be careful! If they're asking for wage secrecy it could be that they know they're breaking the Equality act 2010. Especially since she had to take a paycut to get a promotion and you got a payrise for yours. If you're male and she's female this won't look good for your boss.
billytheventhusiast wrote:
How does the assistant manager not know how the hiring process works? She wasn't in the interview?
NTA ultimately. She decided to screw herself over for a position that sounds like too much work for the pay and is blaming you. She might have leverage to make you disappear since you did go against the hiring bosses wishes. Not saying it's right, just the reality of the situation.
Low-Side6370 wrote:
NTA. You are under no obligation to tell anyone how much you make. Not only that she invaded your privacy by deliberately looking for your contract.
ApprehensiveBat21 wrote:
I'm going against the grain and say ESH. Hiding salaries only helps the employers screw over everyone else. I will share my salary with everyone and instantly lose respect for people who aren't willing to do the same (as it's usually people who think they are higher than their peers).
If she were my friend I'd want her to know, so I can understand why she's upset you don't have her back. That being said, she definitely shouldn't be demanding it, which makes her a bigger AH than you. It's ultimately your right to decide what you are comfortable revealing or not. The biggest AH here is the employer, who shouldn't be asking you to conceal it (it would be illegal to do so in the US).