"AITA for not telling my friend that I had moved?"
Some background - I started distancing myself from Rachel early last year. I really like her as a person, but she is just not a great friend, and our relationship felt very one sided. She flakes on every plan that we make. She takes weeks to reply to very simple yes or no questions. She never checks in. She vents to me about stuff (which is totally fine) but she doesn't listen when I want to talk.
I put a lot of effort into our friendship and it just wasn't reciprocated, so I pulled back a bit. I had a lot of health problems last year and just didn't have the energy to keep putting myself out when I wasn't being treated with respect.
The issue - I told Rachel in late 2024 that I was moving out of state early this year. I have mentioned it several times throughout 2025 when we talked, as well as made a few comments on Social Media that I was moving, so she is well aware. I only saw her once in 2025 because again, we would make plans and she would flake the day of almost every single time.
I slowly stopped making plans because I didn't see the point. I tried one last time in November, saying I'd really like to see her. We made plans, and an hour before she texted me saying she was in a funky mood, but that she missed me. I decided that was kind of it. I was busy wrapping up my program, getting my house ready, and seeing people who actually made time for me.
I moved in January and we are getting settled in. I posted a picture on Instagram of me and my best friend by the water. Rachel reached out the other day asking where I was at in the picture. I told her I was back home and we had moved in January. Rachel got really upset.
Saying I should have told her, that she was upset she couldn't see me before I left. I explained that she was aware I was moving, that I offered to see her before I left and she flaked, and that she normally ignored my texts for weeks at a time so I wasn't really sure what a personal announcement would have down. She was furious and told me I was an AH and we kind of left it at that.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Someoneyoudontknow70 wrote:
NTA. What would it even have mattered? It sounded like she didn't want to see you off anyway.
OP responded:
It's really weird because we always have a great time when we do hang out, but she just really doesn't seem to want to put the effort out to get there.
Happy_Woodpecker_420 wrote:
Definitely NTA, I have had similar situations happen. As you get older you start to keep the good friends closer, and let the bad friends go.
OP responded:
I feel that. I have a habit of getting into really one-sided friendships, but I'm learning to let it go and just have "fun" friends and then "good" friends.
IHaveBoxerDogs wrote:
NTA. That friendship died a natural death. It was time to put it out of its misery.
OP responded:
Haha I'm afraid you're right. I'm just going to leave things as is. If she wants to think I'm a jerk so be it. If she couldn't make the effort when we lived 40 minutes apart she definitely won't make the effort when we live a flight apart.
Dangerous_Cow_7372 wrote:
I was totally ready to call you TA just by reading the title but the thing is you did tell her and give her opportunities to hang out (which she flaked on). It also sounds like she never messaged you to hang out despite knowing that you were going to move. NTA.
OP responded:
She did make plans to hang out I think twice (since 2024) but she backed out the day of both times.
Discount_mithral wrote:
NTA, but:
"Saying I should have told her, that she was upset she couldn't see me before I left. I explained that she was aware I was moving, that I offered to see her before I left and she flaked."
When she said she was upset she couldn't see you before you left and you explained it to her - you shouldn't have wasted the energy. Just reply with "Well, you knew because I told you. Sorry plans in Nov. didn't work out."
Personally, I'd block her. Games like this are for children, not adults. She was a shitty friend and continues to be one even after you left. Move on with your life. Why would you care if an AH calls you an AH? It's projection and not worth a second thought on your part.
hesherlobster27 wrote:
NTA. I think she reacted so harshly because she knows you are right. You called her out on her flakiness and being a bad friend and she didn't like hearing it because she knew it was true.
klavierkillah wrote:
NTA. She treated you as a stand by friend. She cancelled plans because something better came up. She vented to you because she had nobody else at that time and didn’t listen to you because you served your purpose. She was only furious with you because she was the last one to find out and she realised that the friendship is finished.
You weed these people out of your life as you get older and your standards become higher because you can’t be bothered with their crap. I had a friend like this for twenty years and my life is so much easier without her.