'AITA for not telling my wife I work with her favorite celebrity?'
"AITA for not telling my wife I work with her favorite celebrity?"
I (M31) recently had a large argument with my (W32) wife during her birthday that has my friends and family divided. For context, I work a public facing role centered around the engagement of high net worth individuals. It is not uncommon for me to work with large influencers/celebrities, but my role isn’t specifically geared towards people in the entertainment industry.
My wife has been obsessed with a particular musician for the entirety of their career. To the point that she can recite lyrics for most of their discography by heart, and has spent whole days trying to meet them in person by tracking them through their instagram posts when they visit our city.
I have recently begun working with this person, and I have met them in person for strictly professional meetings. I purposefully withheld this information from my wife, as I now have the personal contact information, address, and several other private details that could easily be accessed through my work phone/computer and thought it was inappropriate to share with a super fan.
At her recent birthday party, I received a phone call from this person’s rep. I excused myself from her party and walked into a private room. However, I failed to notice that my wife followed me and overheard our entire conversation.
When I returned to the party, my wife was belligerent, screaming, crying and cursing at me to her guests and her whole family. She asked “how I could not tell her I’m working with _____ when they have been her idol since she was young?”
I told her that she had crossed a line by listening to my conversation and that I wasn’t interested in discussing this in front of the entire party. The party awkwardly ended about 30 minutes later.
I have tried discussing it with her, but she is adamant that I am in the wrong for this disagreement because it is publicly available information that this musician is associated with my job. Because of this, she feels I didn’t trust her enough to tell her they were in my portfolio, which is true.
She told me that she has “lightly stalked” this celebrity when she was going through her first divorce, and she stopped when she became stable again. I did not reference this in our argument as I did not want to shame her, but we both know that is the reason I did not tell her.
Our friends and her family are 50/50 with half believing I am justified in not telling her due to her reaction, and the other half thinking it was cruel not to tell her and to dismiss her feelings in front of everyone. Am I the AH?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA - she admitted to “light stalking!”
NTA. And your work phone and laptop should not be easily accessible to anyone! Lock down your security please.
Does she generally have a histrionic personality or was this a one time thing? You're def NTA, but your wife seems to have issues to work through..this is not a normal reaction.
Absolutely NTA. You laid out some really troubling behavior from your wife that would make me "hide" information like this for the sake of my own job.
She stalks this celeb, trying to figure out where they are/will be based off their IG posts, spending days on this effort.
The 'light stalking' during her previous divorce further shows she has an unhealthy parasocial relationship with this celeb. She became UNHINGED when she found out. I'd understand being upset and a little hurt, but she has what sounds like a world-class meltdown.
There is no way I'd feel OK sharing this info with her, as all evidence points toward her doing something insane and inappropriate to get at this celebrity. You could lose your job. Ruin your reputation. No one will want to work with the guy with the "crazy obsessed wife".
NTA. You are not obligated to share your client list with anyone, including family. Now you have to watch your back so your wife doesn’t start tracking your movements trying to suss out how to meet this celeb. Good luck.
Maybe consider giving this account to someone else because given she has stalked the celebrity before and had such an unhinged reaction, she could start showing up at your job. And try to get her into counseling, stat!
What would have been the outcome if you did tell her. She would have gotten excited and asked you constantly to meet them, get their autograph, get a picture with them etc. How would she have acted when you would continuously tell her no because it could jeopardize your job which she would not believe and continue to insist about.
You did not tell her to stop a fight and she is the AH for not realizing it. Maybe you could sit down with her parents and try to get them to help you get her to understand why it was kept from her. Hopefully she was just caught up in the moment and after she has time to calm down she can have an actual conversation with you. NTA.
NTA you know your wife more than anyone. The fact she was screaming and throwing a temper tantrum like a child because you didn't tell her you were working with someone she admitted to 'light stalking'...
Plus, you'd be risking your job. By how she acts, guarantee she'd be begging you to introduce, or follow you in order to meet them. You were right not to tell her.
Your wife intentionally followed you to eavesdrop on your private phone call and upon finding out that you did not disclose confidential information to her that could get you fired and black listed from the industry, had a complete melt down in front of people and publicly disclosed this confidential information. NTA.