'AITA for not telling my wife prior to lunch with family, that I was paying?'
"AITA for not telling my wife prior to lunch with family, that I was paying?"
My wife and I, along with my mother and aunt went out to lunch today. The previous day, my wife and I had agreed we would try to pay for our own share of the bill rather than having my mother or aunt get it. Last night, around 11pm, after my wife had gone to sleep...
I had a conversation with my mother that I would just grab the check rather than mess around and fight over the bill. I did forget to mention this to my wife (I work overnights and had just started my shift, and by the end I had forgotten).
So anyway, at lunch today when the check came, they asked if we wanted separate checks or all on one? I responded, all on one is fine, then my wife said she had thought we were getting our own. I said we could just get it. This maybe happened over 2 or 3 seconds and I didn't think much of it.
After lunch she was mad because I put her in a position where she said she came off very inconsiderate with her comment about getting our own checks (and thus, others would be paying their own).
I assured her no one thought that and it was not a big deal, but was still angry that I had put her in the position and she would have never said anything if I had told her prior to lunch. I apologized for not letting her know in advance, as I never want to hurt my wife's feelings, but I maintained it wasn't a big deal, no one thought that she was being inconsiderate at all.
It's not about the money at all, everyone at the table could easily afford treating everyone else, she is mad about the position I put her in. I really don't think this is a big deal, the whole interaction was 3 seconds tops, and no one thought anything of it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
hadMcDofordinner said:
Ok, so you just happened to talk to your mother and change the thing agreed to with your wife and then, like, you just forgot to mention it to her until you are all at the table. Right. Soft YTA for agreeing to something with your wife and then letting your mother convince you to do otherwise. Be an adult, keep your word.
SnooDoughnuts4691 said:
You agreed to one thing with your wife and did the exact opposite without talking to her. Left your wife out to dry and embarrassed her. YTA.
UnPracticed_Pagan said:
YTA. IF you literally just had not had a conversation with your wife the night prior saying you’d pay for your own portion only I’d say NTA…However, you literally went against the conversation you had with your wife and then didn’t inform her. YTA for that
GabiCoolLager said:
YTA for doing the opposite from what you told your wife when you could have mentioned that to her previously. She is right to get mad, because it feels terrible to be put in a position where you are the only one who doesn't know what is going on.
athiestvegan said:
YTA. You and wife agreed to something. Talking with your mom, you changed the plan. You didn’t tell your wife that you and mommy had overridden the plan you made with her.
You dismissed her feelings when she told you how she felt. Is it normal practice for you to weigh your mother’s opinions/feelings more significantly than your wife’s?
UndebateableMom said:
YTA - It was a big deal for her and you negated her feelings. Also, how do you have time to call your mother to chat about dinner but not send your wife a text message to say "I don't want to forget to mention...."