'AITA for not telling my wife the name we picked for our child is in a TV show?' UPDATED

"Am I in the wrong for not telling my wife the name we picked for our child is in a book/tv show?"

Okay, so this isn’t the usual “I wanted to name my kid Anakin, Leia, Gojo and my spouse didn’t know where it came from” situation. This has turned into a real issue between my wife and I, and both of our families are refusing to take sides because they feel no one was intentionally in the wrong.

I’m just looking for an outside perspective on whether what I did was that bad. For anonymity, I won’t be sharing the name or the series. The context: My wife (35F) and I (33M) just had our first child two weeks ago. We had our baby’s name picked out before she even got pregnant. My wife has kept a list of names for years, and when she showed it to me her #2 choice stood out.

It also happened to appear in a childhood book series I love and has some relevance to my heritage. She knew about the heritage connection, but I never mentioned the book series.

We both genuinely loved the name and agreed it would be our first choice, no pressure, no convincing, very mutual. Since we’re both on maternity/paternity leave, every couple of days we take an hour to relax together and watch TV with the baby. It’s our way of decompressing from the new parent stress. I make snacks and drinks, we take turns holding or feeding the baby, etc.

Recently, that book series I loved was adapted into a TV show. My wife never read the books but was interested in watching the show. While watching, she realized the name we chose appears in the series. While not a main character but a recognizable one. She asked if I had known, and I said yes, but that since it wasn’t a main character I didn’t think it was worth mentioning.

She became extremely upset and said she never wanted our child’s name to come from a book or TV show. I tried to explain that at this point, almost any name could be connected to some fictional character somewhere. That didn’t help. She started crying (quietly so as not to wake the baby) and has barely spoken to me since, except when it’s strict about childcare.

I’ve tried apologizing multiple times, but it’s been two days and she’s still very distant. This is completely out of character for her. Previously we usually talk through issues, even difficult ones. I’m starting to worry because this reaction feels intense, especially soon after giving birth.

Edit: Cause I see a lot of people saying it already, we did have a discussion about names, it was never brought up she didn't want a name from a book/tv/movie. Also the name while maybe uniquie in US (Not that much) in at least 2 other cultures including my own it is not unusual and we both liked that part of it

Edit 2: I will give an analogy to give some context if the series was hunger games and we named our child Effie

This is what people had to say to OP:

raethehug said:

You guys need sleep. This is so weird.

chefjeff30 said:

From what I understand it was her name suggestion and it just so happened to connect to your heritage and a tv show/book character. I don't think you did anything wrong personally. I doubt you withheld that information knowing it would upset her, it's not that important that you'd have to mention it, in a similar situation I'd just thought it was cool in my head and not really given it another thought

LittleTatoCakes said:

I don’t believe you did anything wrong. Your response was reasonable as at this point, almost every name is used somewhere.

But if you feel this is an intense/out of character reaction, she may need to talk to her doctor about PPD (postpartum depression). Remember, it took 9 months to get her hormones all jacked up to have a kid. It takes at least 9 months to un-jack them.

And eyebrain_nerddoc said:

Your wife is dealing with pregnancy letdown hormones. Just apologize, be kind and loving to her. She will laugh about this when her hormones are back to normal. Source: was intermittently crazy when pregnant and postpartum.

One week later, OP shared this update:

Hey everyone. After all the helpful advice I thought you might want an update and it may not be what you were expecting. A lot has happened in the last week, and I’m only now physically able to respond. There has been a lot of pain, difficult conversations, and some healing, but this is still going to take time for both of us.

First, several comments mentioned PPD and offered suggestions on how I could help my wife. Two days after my post I went out to pick up a few things to help her relax and create some separation between “mom life” and her personal life.

Unfortunately, that trip did not go well. I was involved in a serious car accident and I don’t remember much because I was in and out of consciousness. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with my wife asleep beside me holding my hand.

When she woke up she immediately started apologizing and blaming herself. She said she didn’t think she could ever forgive herself if I hadn’t made it, especially since she hadn’t told me she loved me before I left.

I asked about our baby, and she told me they were with my parents and that I didn’t need to worry about that right now. We sat together while the doctors explained everything: I had a concussion, a bruised rib, and a broken arm. Thankfully, pain meds helped a lot.

After we were alone, my wife finally told me the real reason she’d been so angry the past few weeks and it had nothing to do with the name. Some additional context: while my wife was pregnant I used that time to get into better shape. I wasn’t severely overweight and already worked out, but I wanted to step it up knowing I’d have less time after the baby arrived.

During this my wife became increasingly resentful because she was struggling with body image issues during/after the pregnancy. She believes postpartum hormones made those feelings worse, and in her mind, she convinced herself I might cheat on her.

She had started seeing a therapist before our fight but when she finally realized where the name came from she just snapped. I don’t blame her for any of this I just wish she had told me sooner and not after something this serious happened. We both cried and spent the rest of the day talking until I was released from the hospital.

We’re back home now and communicating much more openly. We’re definitely in a better place though we both agree that couples therapy could help solidify the progress we’ve started. Thank you to everyone who offered advice, and I hope you all have a wonderful New Year.