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'AITA for not telling my parents that my adopted son was my biological son until there was a financial reason to do so?'

'AITA for not telling my parents that my adopted son was my biological son until there was a financial reason to do so?'


"AITA for not telling my parents that my adopted son was my biological son until there was a financial reason to do so?"

My parents have never liked my oldest son Nathaniel. He was my godson and the child of my best friend and her wife. My friend Sarah had been out and proud since she was 12. Her parents were super supportive and were the best allies I could imagine even before she told them.

Sarah and I went to middle school and became friends. I had a massive crush on her until she explained she was into girls. First I was confused then I accepted it and our friendship changed and got stronger.

My parents hated her. Not for breaking my heart or anything. Just because she was gay. I told them I wasn't going to stop being friends with her and that I would rather be friends with her than their kid if they tried to make me choose. Fortunately for my parents Sarah and her family moved but we stayed in contact with email and MySpace. Out of sight out of mind for my parents.

Sarah and I both applied and we're accepted to the same college. Two years in we moved out of dorms and got an apartment together. She was the best wingperson ever. Sorry for the backstory.

She met and married her wife. They needed a donor. I fit their criteria. I agreed so long as we had a contract that took any financial responsibility away from me. They agreed and I became uncle Kaiden. I was in their son's life from the moment he was born. Well not the moment. When he came out of the room, not the birth canal.

I also became his father figure and godfather. We were going to tell him when he was old enough to understand. Then I met my wife and got married. She knew the whole story because I didn't want her to think I would keep such important details of my life a secret. We have two children together.

I am LC with my parents for multiple reasons, their homophobia is low on the list of them if that gives you any idea how my parents are. They attended our wedding and have spent time with both of our kids. We did not deny them the opportunity to be grandparents. We just don't go out of our way to include them.

Sarah and her wife passed away in a boating accident. Nate was with Sarah's parents at the time. I became his guardian and adopted him ASAP. He was 12. I make sure he sees his relatives on both of his mothers' sides. I will continue to do so until he is old enough to go by himself. It has made for a confusing and bittersweet family. None of them knew I am not just his dad but also his father.

My parents on the other hand have always tried to exclude him. I have made it clear to them that he is my son and I won't put up with their shi#. I also didn't tell them the truth because I was afraid they would tell him before we were ready.

We told Nate when he turned 16. He laughed and said he had figured it out a long time ago, but was humoring me and his moms by pretending he didn't. He has always been a smarta$s. He also said he was more than happy with his two sets of grandparents and did not feel he was missing much with my folks. My wife's parents love him too.

It came to a head in February. My parents received an inheritance from my grandmother passing away. They don't need the money so they contacted me to see if they could put money into the kids' education funds. I thanked them and agreed. I told them that they could send me the money and I would split it up into all three accounts.

Nathaniel has a good fund that we topped off since we got money from his moms' insurance. We also rented out their old house and use that money for expenses. My wife and I both work and have pretty decent accounts for our kids. But extra money won't hurt.

My parents said that they only wanted me to split it two ways. Just my kids with my wife would be getting money. I then said thanks, but no thanks. I would not be excluding one of my kids because they were terrible people.

They ended up opening accounts by themselves for my kids. Nothing I can do about that. My grandparents also set up a trust fund for their descendants to draw from when they turn 18. It isn't a lot of money but every little bit helps these days.

Nate is graduating next year so we submitted the paperwork to get him that money. My uncle is one of the trustees and he told my parents and they freaked out that I never told them that Nate was my kid. I take them they were assholes because they knew I adopted him and that fact alone made him my kid.

Huge argument. "YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. HOW COULD YOU KEEP HIM FROM US?" Blah blah blah. I said that for five years they have always behaved badly towards him even though he was my son why would I include them more in his life.

They are saying that they will sue for grandparents rights. I laughed in their faces. I literally have a letter from them saying that they do not consider him their grandchild.

As I said we are LC with them but my sisters both think I am being overly cruel even though they also see our parents very little. I think my son didn't miss much by not interacting with people that absolutely would have said shitty things about his original parents. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Magdovus said:

Grandparents rights over a 16 year old who doesn't like them? Not going to happen.

MNConcerto said:

NTA, adoptee here, you don't treat non-biological children or grandchildren differently. F your parents, you warned them and gave them plenty of chances. Adopting a child makes them YOUR child, full stop.

Prestigious-Maybe-73 said:

NTA. It sounds like keeping all of your family away from your parents is for the best. Good luck with that. You sound like a good dad. Well done not lying to your wife. I can see where some people might. You made the right call.

Knickers1978 said:

NTA. They treated your son like shit when they thought he was adopted for YEARS, to a child. Things won’t suddenly change just because they found out he’s actually descended from their magical gene pool. They showed you who they were the whole time. Scummy people who hold things against children, and homophobic to boot. They don’t deserve the truth.

1000thatbeyotch said:

Your son is almost an adult and can make the decision on his own whether he allows them into his life. Kudos to you for helping your friend and also stepping up when she and her wife passed. Your parents are the big AH here. It doesn’t matter how a child is brought into this world, what matters is the love behind that decision. NTA.

Big_Zucchini_9800 said:

NTA you handled everything perfectly. The only reason they don't have access to their first grandkid is because they were dicks, you didn't make them do that!

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family drama?

Sources: Reddit
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