'AITA for not taking the chance to know my half siblings or my deadbeat father's wife and stepdaughter?'
"AITA for not taking the chance to know my half siblings or my deadbeat father's wife and stepdaughter?"
My father left me and my mom when I (21f) was 4. He moved to the next town over and he lived there for 3 years without showing any interest in seeing me or being my parent. My mom thinks he left because she kept pursuing child support and he wanted to continue avoiding it.
While he was living in the next town over he got married and became a stepdad to a girl. It was talked about around our small town a lot and kids at school would bring it up. Some made fun of me for having a father who would raise another kid but not me.
It hurt my feelings a lot and hardened me to him and anyone associated with him. Once I was a teenager I swore there was nothing that would make me want anything to do with him or his family. But I had no idea if he was still married or if he had other kids. All I knew was he didn't live there anymore and he used to have a stepdaughter.
Last year I was contacted by a teenager on social media who told me she was my stepsister and that her siblings wanted to get to know me and that her mom was interested in meeting me and facilitating a relationship between us.
I ignored her message and I think I blocked her once I finished reading it. Several months went by and sometime around April of this year I got a message from someone else on social media, a different platform this time, and it was my father's wife.
She told me she had four children with my father and that her oldest daughter considered him her dad. I didn't read it much at first because I was angry she was contacting me. But before I blocked her I decided to read it.
She told me she wanted to find a way for me to meet her children and for us to get to know each other. There was also an apology that she had been unaware of how badly my father treated me and my mom. It didn't soften me to the idea and I blocked her.
In August my father and his wife came to town for a vacation. Or that's what she claimed. They saw my mom and talked to her and mom asked to be left alone. His wife asked mom to please let me know they wanted to meet with me and talk.
She told me but I wasn't interested. My father showed up to the house when I didn't reach out. His wife left her number with my mom for me to call and I didn't. Which is why he showed up.
He told me his wife and his kids really wanted to get to know me and I didn't need to speak to him while doing it but they weren't responsible for his actions. I told him I wanted him and his family to leave me alone and if they didn't I would involve the police.
They left me alone after that but then an invite to their place for Christmas arrived at my mom's house. There was a note saying that if I wouldn't get to know anyone else then please at least get to know her kids, and if not all then at least my half siblings.
She wrote that it hurt them to know they had another sister and they didn't know her and that they desperately wanted a relationship with me. She said I could get to know them over Christmas or I could spend a few hours with them if I flew out. She even had plane tickets and the address attached to the invitation.
I didn't go. I spent Christmas with my mom and I never responded to the invite. The next day I got a DM on social media from his stepdaughter (I think?) asking why I had to punish everyone for my father's actions and why I'm refusing to get to know my own family.
I didn't reply but it's clear now at least one of them is pissed off at me. I'm hoping it means they'll leave me alone. But AITA for not taking the chance to get to know them when they really did try?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Now you know where he is and you have his address. If you help your mom hire a good lawyer, you can sue him for all the child support he hasn't paid.
Try to ask him to pay up the child support I bet that'd make them leave you alone real quick.
What is with all the to me bizarre "you should get to know the kids of your non-parent that you've not had contact with in years or decades"? How can you miss someone you've either not known existed at all or never met. Also, his wife is an AH for staying with a guy who treated his kid this way.
NTA. They’re only thinking about themselves and not you. Going could open the door to sibling relationships - or not. You could be hurt further by their interest just being curiosity The other issue is that you have had years upon years of hurt after hurt by the neglect and abandonment by your father and further facilitated by his wife.
She could have insisted child support be paid, gifts sent for your birthday and Christmas. Every gift given to her daughter by your father was a gift but given to you. All financial support he gave to her daughter was financial support not given to you. Reverse see never did anything until it is suiting her that she has reached out, now you’re too old for child support, really makes her suspect too.
Would you be able to go visit them, see the life they live and know they chose to exclude you from that all these years? So NTA not to go. But if you do, start seeing a therapist before to help you prepare as well as to help you deal with whatever emotions come afterward.