'AITA for not trying hard enough to include my sister-in-law who was being snotty all night?'
"AITA for not trying hard enough to include my sister-in-law who was being snotty all night?"
So I didn’t get along much with my SIL Lina. She says stuff like “if I don’t make fun of you that means I probably don’t like you, cos it’s my love language” But she is my brother’s wife. He asked me at Xmas if I could try to spend more time and include her in things because she has a hard time making friends. I don’t like to let people feel left out.
I was having a girl’s night a few weeks ago and invited her. Like skincare masks and some bubbly wine, I asked others to bring whatever else. She showed up with a board game called Carcazon and a bottle of Jack. None of us are into board games BUT no harm in giving it a try, so I told her to get it set up! It was not a hit, and Lina gets very annoyed by people not getting it.
She asked if I at least had a Switch or something. I said no, so she just sat on her phone and drank. We kept trying to get her involved, but she was not interested. I asked her if there was something she’d like to do and offered her a paint by number or diamond art and she said she wasn’t 6.
She got drunk after only being there for an hour and started making fun the playlist. Look I don’t care if you don’t like Taylor Swift, I lost interest when I grew up too, but calling her a fat drunk c**t is gross. Then later on it’s a Lauryn Hill's song and she starts asking us what’s with the crappy music.
I had enough!! But I yelled out “Lina is there anything that you DO like? All you’re doing is being nasty to us.” Well she clammed right up then like 15 minutes later she gets up, I see my brother’s car out front. Lina leaves, no goodbye.
The next day my brother calls me and is like “So you couldn’t even TRY to do nothing Lina would like? She said all you guys did was sit around and act prissy and offended by everything she said.” I said SHE should of said something to me BEFORE she came.
I would of told her to bring her Switch bc I know some of the girls at least can play Mario Cart. He said I just made her feel rappy about herself and I should just play off her comments like a joke and serve it back. I said I’m not a man, and I’m not going to act like one. He said I didn’t even try to make her feel welcome. I think that I did. AITA. PS I did this by voice so sorry if it's badly written.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lurninandlurkin wrote:
NTA. If your brother is so concerned, Lina and him could organise their version of a social gathering and invite people over to tey to find friends for Lina with similar tastes. There's no point going to a gardening group and trying to talk them into the virtues of nascar, she needs to go join groups with similar tastes to make friends.
OP responded:
Oooh...that's a good idea. Maybe she would have an easier time if it wasn't an already existing group of friends, too.
CutenessAggression wrote:
NTA. She struggles making friends because she has an abrasive personality. That’s not your problem to deal with.
Lil-Angelgurl99 wrote:
So you said it in your first paragraph...she has a hard time making friends. I think the behaviour is what she does in a social situation which is why she has a hard time making friends.
She doesn't want to put effort and expects something else. You can go back to your brother with a text and correct him on the facts of the night. Let him know she acted like a complete asshole and should be ashamed by her drunken a*. NTA who wants to willingly put up with this crap?
reappress-1976 wrote:
NTA It sounds as if yall are just not into the same things and that’s okay. What ISN'T okay is her acting like just because she doesn’t like something, no one else should like it either. You need to explain to your brother that it isn’t fair for him to expect everyone to allow her to.
splinter2424 wrote:
NTA. My love language with my people is "gentle bullying." With my friends and family, this is how we all talk to each other. It's all said with love and good fun. HOWEVER - I would never speak to someone I didn't know the way I speak to my friends.
She's just a jerk. She came to a night you planned, without even trying to do the things planned. She just decided it was beneath her and was a huge jerk. I wouldn't ever invite her again, unless it was a family thing and I had to.
Fluid-Attitude5279 wrote:
Lina lied about what happened to make you look bad when shes the one who behaved badly. You can lead a horse to the bubbly wine and easy conversation, but sometimes the horse wants to get mad that making fun of the music isnt winning her any favors. Nothing to resolve there as long as your brother is eating the crap she feeds him about how people "treat" her. NTA. Let her be horrible to someone else.
sevenumbrellas wrote:
"She has a hard time making friends."
I mean...her behavior is pretty clearly why. You tried to include her, you even gave Carcassone a shot!
I'm a pretty avid board gamer and Carcassone is my fiance's absolute favorite game...I wouldn't bring it to a party. It isn't a great game for non-board game people. It doesn't sound like you and Lina are compatible as friends.
It's not your fault that she doesn't have other friends, and it's not your responsibility to change your plans to make her more comfortable. I wouldn't invite her to another girls' night, and I would tell your brother that you found her behavior really unpleasant. NTA.