Family turmoil as poster changes baby name after sister-in-law uses her long-adored favorite. AITA?
"AITA for deciding not to use my favorite girl name for my daughter like I always wanted because my husbands sister decided to use it for hers?"
Beautiful-Ad4218
My husband and I (30m&f) welcomed our second baby into the world a few weeks ago. We had originally planned to give her a name that I have adored since childhood.
But then my husbands sister had a baby girl and she decided to give her daughter this name. It came from nowhere because she always preferred timeless names like Elizabeth, Emily, Emma, Katherine, and so on. The name she ended up going for/my favorite girl name is Seraphina.
A lot of people knew it was my favorite and it was our girl name. When I was expecting our son we had mentioned it would be our girl name. Even before having kids friends and family knew that was the name I adored.
But I was never fond of family members sharing the same first name. I know it happens. I know it's not the end of the world. Nobody owns a name. I also know that in some families it is very common for relatives to have the same first name. But I personally don't love it. So after SIL had her baby we came up with another name for our daughter.
My ILs had been surprised when SIL had her daughter and announced the name. Most people had expected her daughter to be Emily because she talked about that name a lot. Seraphina came from nowhere with her.
When we announced our daughters name, the actual name, after she was born, we did get asked why we had chosen not to use Seraphina and my husband told them we had decided to go with something else during the pregnancy because we felt it was for the best. No specific reason given, at least not that he brought up around me.
But his mom and his other sister and one of his brothers did make comments to SIL about it being her fault. They said it was pretty clear our change came because she used the name we intended to use. SIL ended up fighting with her mom because it was always clear I was never SILs favorite person and she accused her of doing it spitefully.
This has come back around to me because SIL has now come for me, saying I should have used the name too, I shouldn't have let her get blamed for stealing a name when nobody can steal a name.
I told her I never accused her of anything like that. She told me I didn't need to because the name Seraphina was something everyone knew for years that I loved and then all of a sudden I finally have a girl and use a different name. And it happens just after she also decides to use the name for her daughter.
I told her we're entitled to change our minds just like she is. I also told her I don't have to answer to her. She told me I created drama for no reason and there is no way the change idea came from her brother, that it was clearly me who got butt hurt over it.
She told me to get over it and there could have been two Seraphina's. She also accidentally admitted that she had been waiting for me to confront her on the name. She caught herself before finishing and just went on about how I had changed the name to stir the pot and make her family turn on her. She also accused me of using the girls as pawns in this whole thing. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
rackoftheyear
She CHOSE the name to stir shit. Not that she's owed an explanation, but choosing a different name because you don't want 2 cousins with the exact same name is perfectly reasonable. It was a transparent stunt that everyone saw right through. She messed about and found out. NTA NTA NTA.
SportQuirky9203
Yep! And had the OP stuck with her original name choice, her horrid SIL would have given her shit for that instead. I'd recommend staying as far away from her as possible.
She's nothing but a hateful instigator who's mad her scheme backfired. I feel terrible for OP's niece having such an unpleasant person for a mother. You're obviously NTA, OP.
TheBestEver543
She sounds exhausting. OP did the right thing by avoiding the drama. SIL would’ve made a fuss no matter what. Definitely NTA, OP. Distance is the best move here.
MrDarcysDead
SIL’s plan to make OP look bad failed miserably. She knew what she was doing when she chose the name Seraphina for her child. She had worked it out in her mind that OP would confront her. Then, SIL could play victim in front of the family and make OP look bad in the process.
What she hadn’t counted on was that OP has more class and maturity in her pinky finger than SIL has in her whole body. So, instead of OP starting a war that wouldn’t change anything, OP handled the disappointment like an adult and chose a new name, which exposed SIL for the sad, vindictive person she is.
Remarkable_Pianist99
SIL: How dare you! You didn't take the bait I laid for you and making the wolves come for me instead. I want to make YOU the bad guy! 😭😭😭. Now everyone knew and started calling me a bad human.
Sakura_No_Seirei
NTA. It sounds like your SIL decided she wanted to cause drama with her choice of name and then reacted badly when you and your husband didn't respond to her baiting you both in the way she wanted.
Slayerofdrums
NTA. Your SiL sounds deranged....and like she actually chose the name for her child to get one up on you. If she knew you wanted that name, and knew everyone else knew, she dug her own grave. Of course you chose a different name for you child...you did the best thing for your child. Just ignore her behavior...not worth it getting into all this drama.