'AITA for not waiting for my partner at the station after he was questioned for what he did behind my back?'
"AITA for not waiting for my partner at the police station after he was questioned for something he did behind my back?"
My boyfriend (28M) and I (31F) are both from country A, where the currency is controlled but only loosely enforced. I work in a nearby country B and get paid in $B.
One day, a rando online reached out to my BF, asking if we'd like to exchange $B for $A. BF asked me if I'd be interested.
I had him inquire about the exchange rate, but since it was much better than the Google rate, I told him it was probably a scam and thought nothing more of it. A month later, I got a call from the cops in country A saying they had detained my BF for illicit foreign exchange and that I needed to come in for questioning.
I excused myself from my work meeting and traveled for 2.5 hours back to country A, only to be told by the police that my boyfriend had gone ahead with the exchange without my knowledge, and the other party was indeed a scammer who was trying to launder money (hence why this was even on the p#$ice radar).
I was questioned for hours about whether I'm an active scammer and if my work and income in $B were legitimate. When the police were finally done with my part, it was past 9PM. My BF was kept for more questioning, so I told my him I needed to leave to catch the last train back to country B as I had some important meetings the next day.
Since my BF was technically a victim of the scam and the amount he exchanged was fairly small, he was eventually released without charges at around 1AM, as we were both expecting. However, now he's complaining that I didn’t wait at the station until he was released for "something he did on my behalf as I'm the one who might need $A."
From my POV, I'm mad that he did something I explicitly told him not to do, which caused me to miss most of my work day with no notice, and in spite of this I still travelled for 5 hours that day just to help clarify the situation, which showed plenty of support and care. AITA for not waiting for him to be released?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Ninjahidingintheopen wrote:
NTA. He should be apologising profusely for wasting your time, getting you questionedby police and losing a day of work. If he's turning this around to pretend he's some kind of victim here and blaming you it's absolutely worth dumping him. Massive red flag.
OP responded:
Thanks, that's what I thought. He's trying to spin it like
This only happened because I work in country B.
I only promptly showed up at the station to detach myself from further investigation
Both of which I find ridiculous and I agree it's a massive red flag...
Rikkitikkitavelbomel wrote:
He did a stupid. He's embarrassed he did the stupid, especially because you told him not to do the stupid. His doing of the stupid interfered greatly with your day and reputation at work, not to mention c#p-involvement.
You were more than right to be pissed and wanting to minimize future impact from his stupid on your life by catching that train. He took it upon himself to do the stupid on his own, he can solve his stupid on his own. NTA.
Parasamgate wrote:
So instead of admitting that his stupidity got you both in a bunch of trouble you didn't need and apologizing for that, he's upset you didn't give yourself more trouble on his behalf and stay behind in a different country to do I'm not even sure what for as long as it took for them to release him?
Why did he need you to help him at all he seems fully capable of making decisions without your input. He can't admit when he's wrong and that's a big problem.
Sue_Donhim wrote:
NTA. He made his bed. But you have some thinking to do: he wanted to do something you said no to and did it anyway. Breach of trust, big time. Do you really want to question your trust for him for life if you marry? Mmhmm, lots of thinking to do.
Calm_Storm69 wrote:
NTA. Your boyfriend made a reckless decision after you specifically warned him the offer seemed like a scam. His actions, not yours, caused all the trouble, including the police investigation that dragged you away from your job and forced you into hours of interrogation.
Despite that, you still made a huge effort by traveling several hours to support him and help clear things up. You had every right to leave once your part was done, especially since you needed to get back for important work meetings.
It’s unfair for him to pin his situation on you or expect you to sacrifice even more of your time when his lack of judgment was the root cause. His complaint sounds like deflection of blame, and your decision to set a boundary was both reasonable and justified, especially since you value clear communication and respect for boundaries in your relationships.
WholeAd2742 wrote:
NTA. Dude literally ignored your advice, and then got you caught up in his BS when the authorities wanted to question you.
Should have ended it there.
WeAreAllMycellium wrote:
He ain’t your husband, thank goodness because dumping him just easier.
PropellerMouse wrote:
Good heavens. I'm not certain that harm has not been done, by the bf, to both of you on some level: For the rest of your life, if for any reason the law were to look at you for any scam or grift or the like, won't there be a shadow on your record from ( even given you are not at fault here ) involvement in this?
To be crystal clear, I strongly believe you've done absolutely nothing wrong - yet might the law not think otherwise, if some " type of crime related" allegation were to arise, ever.
The risk he subjected you to is wild. I don't see how "you could use the money" had anything to do with anything, and the fact that even now AFTER subjecting you to all this, he refuses to take responsibility, refuses to apologize profusely, and thus can't be carefully planning to live so nothing like that could ever happen again...yikes.
That is terrifying. That could have gone absolutely horrifically ( either from the law, or from retaliation from those in that line of work, ) and I really hope it all washes off for you. You are NTA. Your bf's idea you should have stayed that night to enhance his comfort is stunningly entitled and " tone deaf."
I hope he has a mountain of huge redeeming qualities, first among which is being willing to consider that he might of made a mistake. Is this man worth it? Just asking you if you've considered asking you that question, not seeking an answer myself. Good luck stay safe. Fish in the sea, and so on.