'AITA for not wanting to attend my childhood friend's wedding after a last-min invite?'
"AITA for not wanting to attend my childhood friend's wedding after a last-min invite?"
So, I-26F have this childhood friend, let's call her Arya. We grew up together, ate on the same plates, pursued the same hobbies, goals, everything.
But over time, we drifted. Even though we went to the same college, she stayed distant, barely spoke unless our families were involved. I always felt like I was putting in more effort, while she stayed distant, reserved, and honestly...competitive. She never acknowledged major moments in my life, like when I got selected for an international exchange program or moved abroad to study for two years.
She never reached out or asked about my well-being. And when I did, she made the emotional distance seem "normal."
Fast forward, she's getting married. A month back, I found out about her wedding & her mother had invited my family along with a saree (gift) for my mom.
Arya didn't even message or invite directly. When I texted to say congrats (after hearing the news), she simply responded with a dry "Thank You" & nothing else. Then suddenly, two days before the wedding, she calls me up casually, inviting me to her pre-wedding events.
Now all my childhood friends and aunties think and expect me to attend her wedding, out of "FOMO" or politeness. But I am conflicted, it feels FAKE. Arya never treated me like a friend, and this feels more like a formality than a real invite. So, AITAH for not wanting to go? Or is it okay to opt out for something that doesn't feel genuine?
The internet didn't hold back one bit.
FireSpiritBoi wrote:
Nah, f-- that off.
I've been invited to childhood friend's weddings, and I've always gone. Three of them in fact. Because... well, I wanted to.
But then after the wedding they just go back to not speaking to you, and then after like 6-7 years you bump into them and they're all like... "yeah, we should get together".. so you invite them to a few things, they refuse.. they invite you to nothing, and they're gone for another 6-7 years. There's no point in going if you don't want to.
Loud_Dig_1120 wrote:
NTA. She invited you on such a short notice that you should use that as the excuse not to go. "I'm so sorry, but I've already got plans. I only received an invite two days before the big day, I can't get off work on such a short notice. But I love her and am wishing her the very best!"
Someone either cancelled or asked why you weren't there and now she's trying to save face. Tell everyone the truth and let them think what they want.
TrudyMaryLouise wrote:
NTA...don't let "Arya" or the girl tribe hold you emotional hostage. It's likely she is only inviting (last minute) because of family/friends pressure. If she wanted you there, she would have invited you at the same time that she invited your family. Instead of buying her a gift, go have a spa day instead. Treat yourself like you wish your "friends" would treat you.
your-yogurt wrote:
NTA. even if you wanted to go, two days isn't a lot of time to find a dress, shoes, makeup, hair, a gift, get time off work, etc.
Violetsme wrote:
Someone cancelled so you're allowed to fill the spot. You don't have to. An excuse on such short notice should be easy enough.
Dwynfal wrote:
Arya is one of those childhood friends that should remain only in your childhood memories. She's not your friend now and has not been for a long while. It's perfectly normal for people to grow apart over time but when that happens you need to draw the line over the friendship. Being invited two days before the wedding is insulting.
Arya doesn't want you there. Maybe someone else cancelled and/or she's being forced by her family to include you, whatever the reason may be it's very obvious this friendship is over. Inviting you to pre-wedding events feels like gift grab too. Don't go, save yourself the cost and the hassle of getting a gift and a dress at such ridiculously short notice. Plan something nice for yourself and enjoy it!
"Won't be able to attend, hope you have a great day" is all you need to say. She's ghosted you over the past years, was barely polite, you don't owe her anything. No reason, no apology, nothing.
PhilaBurger wrote:
With your mention of a saree and reference to an auntie, I’m guessing that you and/or she may be Indian, yes? If so, may I infer that this will be something like a traditional Indian wedding?
If I’m correct, then I can’t imagine that even if you wished to attend, you’d be in a position to take all of that time from work, get all the necessary attire (assuming you’d have to buy some) and prepare yourself for such a multi-day event, with only a two day notice.
And even if all of the above isn’t the case, two days’ notice isn’t sufficient. And from what I read, it really sounds more like her parents pressured her into extending the invitation. NTA…politely decline and then find something more fun to do.
Additional-Giraffe80 wrote:
It sounds like you don’t want to go. So don’t. It’s simple. “I won’t be able to make it on such short notice.” Is a complete and clear response. No thanks, person I used to know. Now go live your life. We all have people from our past. It’s okay that they were only friends for a certain period of time. It’s not a failure, it’s just the stuff of life.
Altruistic_Isopod_11 wrote:
NTA. I mean she's not really your friend. This seems like a classic case of "friendly because of the family but not actual friends."
That's not to say there weren't enjoyable times on both sides but likely friendly in the way some kids are but not actually considered a close friend, seems the case on her end anyway. You don't have to go, it's a last minute invite, you're busy with a commitment made long before the pity invite.