'AITA for not wanting to befriend my landlady's son?' UPDATED

"AITA for not wanting to befriend my landlady's son?"

I (21F) recently (about a month ago) started renting a room in a family home. It's in their basement, and I have my own entrance, kitchen, and bathroom. I generally don't need to go upstairs for any reason.

The family who lives in the house consists of a middle-aged couple and their 18-year-old son. The son has a room in the basement next to mine, but he goes upstairs to eat, so he doesn't use my kitchen. There isn't any common space in the basement apart from the kitchen and bathroom, so I don't really see him that much. I spend most of my time in my room when I'm at home, and so does he.

However, a couple days ago, the mother (my landlady) came downstairs to talk to me, and she seemed upset about the fact that I hadn't been trying to befriend her son after I moved in. She said he's nervous about leaving his room because I'm so unapproachable, and that I should try to be more friendly and get to know him.

Now, I haven't exactly been trying to start conversations with him but I don't think I've been hostile either. I've smiled at him politely and said hi whenever we saw each other in the hallway, and he's never made an effort to talk to me either, so idk what landlady was expecting. When I moved in, she did tell me that her son lives in the basement too, and that maybe we could become friends.

However, she didn't phrase it in a way that made me think she was expecting me to actively make an effort to befriend him. I just assumed she thought it would be a nice thing to happen, but not an expectation. I was never against the idea of being friends with him, and if it had happened organically that would've been cool.

But being asked by his mommy to befriend him isn't really making me want to make an effort. It also wouldn't feel like a real friendship if I'm only doing it because I'm being asked to. But I'm also thinking that maybe I should just try and talk to him since it's not his fault that his mother is like that, and I obviously want to keep the peace. But Idk. AITA for not wanting to be friends with my landlady's son at this point?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Abystract-ism wrote:

NTA. Her son feeling intimidated by you is on him, not you. Unless your resting face is particularly grim!

OP responded:

I mean, I think I look normal. But I'm not getting dressed up to walk around in my own home, so maybe that's making me seem unapproachable. Idk lol

genXviper wrote:

Landlady is out of line. You do NOT owe her son a friendship or relationship. You're a renter, thats it. You do NOT need to regulate his emotions or give him comfort by holding his hand and talking to him or going to dinner with him. What's next? Is she going to expect you to cook and do his laundry.

Maybe he's uncomfortable because there's a stranger all of a sudden in his space and he feels unhappy about it. And since its his mother's house he had no say in it. I would be looking for another space. I wager she's going to have more renters come and go. If she wants only women renters, in the basement with her son, she's up to something. Look elsewhere.

national_pension_110 wrote:

Yikes. This is like the opening scene in a Stephen King horror movie. I don’t care if that room is free—you need to move out. NTA. Even if the kid isn’t involved, the fact that the mother would come to you after only a month trying to force some sort of relationship on you is insane.

mcclgwe wrote:

First of all, that’s just ridiculous. Having any expectation at all that her kid would garner social comfort from someone who is doing a business transaction by renting space, and someone’s home to have their own home. Their boundaries are way off. I would smile, just say oh, I’m a very introverted person.

Leave it at that. And maybe consider finding another place unless all this silly stuff calms down.I think it’s patently ridiculous that this person thinks that the discomfort their son experiences from having a renter is somehow the renter's responsibility.

Ok-Willow_9145 wrote:

His mother thought she was going to get money and an instant girlfriend for her son too. When she realized that wasn’t happening she came down to chastise you for falling down on the job. Just continue living your life as if she never said anything to you.

Keep an eye out for a new place because when she realizes that you are not interested in taking on the care and feeding of her son she’s will ask you to leave. Furthermore, it’s a terrible idea to become involved with someone who you rent from. It puts extra pressure on you to make the situation work to avoid losing your housing. Your best bet is to move out asap.

Intelcourier wrote:

NTA. This sounds like an over reaching mother and I think the son would be embarrassed to death if he knew what mom was doing.

izekeyiahh wrote:

NTA, the son (I would hope) probably has no idea his mom tried to set him up with you haha. He probably doesn't think those things about you either. It's probably her a bit frustrated or whatever that her plan "didn't work" from what she can see. It's a bit odd. I really hope this doesn't mess with you living there and whatnot.

Don't do anything you don't want to do, just keep being polite as you've been. I really do hope the son had no idea about this. If he did, it would be a bit weirder.

A month later, OP shared an update:

So, I moved out. My problems with my landlady only got worse. When I moved in, she told me I was allowed to have guests over as often as I liked. But then later, she changed it to twice a week after I had a friend over for several days in a row.

And with everything else going on, I couldn't help thinking she was trying to force me to spend less time with my friends so I'd be more likely to want to talk to her son. This also wasn't the first time she suddenly added new rules after I already signed the lease.

She also asked me to not come home after 10pm because their dogs would bark when I walked in the driveway. I would not have moved in if this rule was mentioned before I signed the lease, because I work as a bartender!! So it's not really an option for me to never come home after 10pm.

All your replies really validated my concerns and confirmed that I was not overreacting. So I started looking for different living arrangements. I talked to my friends about it, and one of them immediately said he'd actually been considering renting out a room in his apartment to save some money. So I moved in with him two weeks later.

Landlady seemed quite happy to get rid of me if I'm being completely honest. According to my lease, I was supposed to put in a 4-week notice, but when I told her I'm moving out, she asked me how soon I could do it. Maybe she's going to try and find someone else to set up with her son because her plan didn't work with me. Anyways, not my problem anymore.

Here's what people had to say to OP's update:

Bulbasaurranch wrote:

I’m chaotic, I would’ve told the son I’m leaving because his mother was trying to force you to make friends with him.

OP responded:

Yeah I opted to stay out of trouble lol

LordQuartFart wrote:

I had a very similar problem as yours, except reverse genders. I was renting a house from a woman and she said maybe I and her daughter would get along great and she gave me her daughter's phone number and encouraged me to call her. I didn't. but I did text the daughter-- just to be kind and I wasn't opposed to starting a new friendship with someone.

But I suppose when the mother said "Give her a call" she meant CALL HER RIGHT NOW. And when my rent check was a day late in the mail, she served me with a 3-day-notice and asked me to get out.

I didn't want to drag the whole thing through an eviction process so I canceled the rent check and left overnight, and that's when the woman really started to throw a tantrum-- threatening me with legal action (for what) and to send someone over to "handle me" (where? I left overnight with no forwarding address).

So I told her that her daughter was too ugly to date and maybe the daughter could go down to the ag center and meet a cow. (I shouldn't have said that about the daughter-- she might have been lovely) I decided to fight crazy with rude. She left me alone after that.

Horror-Friendship-30 wrote:

I got a f/t job right out of HS. The owner seemed to be joking that I would be perfect for his son. I laughed since I lived several counties away. Literally at the end of my first week, he shows up with his son. Don't get me wrong, the son looked like a really nice quiet guy, and wasn't bad looking.

I was not in a spot where I should date anyone period (bad ending of a two year relationship and my father had died three months earlier.) Also, no one with a brain dates the boss' son unless they plan on leaving that job. I left two weeks later. I still feel bad for that guy. His father meddling did not help.

Bananasforkail wrote:

Good for you for escaping his mom p-mp! I had the same problem with a place I worked. We had a BOD and each one of them asked me (at separate times) to have dinner at their homes as a 'welcome' thing.

Except one (mid 60's)F board member would always have her mid 30's son with her when she stopped by work and would always leave him to chat with me when she was in office.

Her dinner came around and when I walked into her dining room it was set up for two, her son was there, she said 'I'm going to bed, you two have fun!' I noped out of there. Two days later he showed up at work and tried to SA me, because I was a beeyatch that wouldn't give him a chance. I called the cops, and quit my job and moved