'AITA for not wanting to bring 2 out of my 4 children on a trip?'

"AITA for not wanting to bring 2 out of my 4 children on a trip?"

I (36f) am married to my husband (37m). We’ve been married for 10 years, and have 4 kids. 13f, 11m, 5m and 4f. Our two oldest kids are the product of a relationship he had in college, but their mother is not in the picture.

Before the youngest two were born, we went on 2 trips a year, both international. We stayed in fancy hotels, did a lot of walking, and ate a lot of fine dining. Since the arrival of our two youngest we’ve only did domestic vacations and Mexico. This September, we began discussing going back to international trips, and we decided on Paris for summer of 2026.

I don’t want to bring my 5 and 4 year old on this trip. I know my kids, and I know they won’t enjoy the rigorous schedule we normally follow on these trips. They won’t appreciate fine dining, and will throw a tantrum after a block of walking. Also, I don’t want to ruin my teenagers' trip.

They’ve had to do a lot of kiddie activities since their siblings have been born, and I want to have one vacation that revolves around their interests and needs. When I told my husband this, he exploded. He said I was punishing my youngest for something they couldn’t control, and they would remember this forever.

I feel really split. I love my youngest and I want to include them on the trip. I don’t want them to think I don’t love or want to be near them. But I know my teens need time to just be themselves without a pair of tiny eyes watching them and throwing tantrums. So much has changed in their lives, and I just want to let them enjoy themselves. What should I do?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

amyloulie said:

NTA. The fact you’re valuing your bonus kids experience here is lovely to see. I’m sure they will be touched that you want to do something for them. I would say though, maybe arrange to do something with the younger kiddos either before or after, to make it fair to them.

CptKUSSCryAllTheTime said:

NTA, they are 4 and 5. Flying international with kids that age sounds miserable. Who is saying you’re an AH?

PigletAlert said:

NTA great work on having the awareness to recognize that a 5 and a 4 year old would be miserable on a medium haul flight, traipsing around a city and having to sit still in a restaurant. Even more kudos for recognizing that the older 2 deserve to do something older sometimes and being willing to leave the younger ones at home.

InstructionEarly1969 said:

NTA. You aren't wrong, they wont like the activities that you want to do, meaning you'll be forced to do more kid centered activities. This doesn't mean you cant take them in the future, its just that right now they wouldn't enjoy it. And if they were to stay with grandparents, they could do kid centered activities with them.

Hairy-Glove3261 said:

NTA. You sound in tune with your children. As long as you make sure the youngest are with someone who loves them and is willing to have fun with them (on your dime), this is fine. Pay for water parks, museums, art activities, etc. Also compensate the person watching them. Then, be cognizant of the time difference and FaceTime or Zoom daily. Everyone will have a great vacation this way.

Due-Season6425 said:

NTA. The two youngest will barely remember this trip. They are too young to appreciate it. What I don't get is why your husband wants to deal with two cranky young kids each day of the trip. You can take the youngest when they are teenagers if you want.

mjf55 said:

NTA. At 4 and 5, the younger kids will not remember either the trip or being left home.