"Am I wrong for not wanting my cousin as a bridesmaid?"

Hi everyone! I'm getting married in November next year (yay!) and I started discussing plans with my mum and sister. My mum has warned me that my aunt (mum's sister) will be expecting me to make my cousin (F13) a bridesmaid.

I DO NOT want that. I'll keep it brief but essentially she's the most spoilt, annoying, entitled person I've ever known and I cannot stand her. My aunt sees her as an angel (as a parent I would expect that) and is very family oriented, believes family should be involved with everything. Now I should mention my aunt is a really kind and caring woman and I love her, but I cannot tolerate her kid.

There's no question about it, I'm not making her a bridesmaid, I've already picked them out. My mum said my aunt will be heartbroken (she is a very sensitive person) but she backs my decision. I'm sure I'm a horrible person for not allowing this but would I be in the wrong?

Also I want advice from anyone who reads this. How do I go about telling my aunt this decision with as minimal damage possible? I don't want to be the person causing a rift in the family because I upset someone. Thanks in advance!

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Few_Relation_8707 said:

Not wrong at all. I’d recommend politely making the announcement that you have the policy that bridesmaids are over age 18 or 21 or whatever legal age is where you are so they can legally participate in the bridesmaid festivities. It’s completely reasonable to want your entourage to be of age! At 13, she’s still a child and far too young to participate in an adult event. Congratulations, wishing you the best!

OppositeSolution642 said:

You are under no obligation to ask her. You don't need to explain it, it shouldn't be assumed.

And Yafavoritebm said:

Nah you’re definitely Not wrong. You can tell your aunt that you’ve been dreaming of this day since a child & have had your bridesmaids picked out since school, It’s your day & if you add your cousin, the ratio to groomsmen will be off.

although she’s your cousin, y’all aren’t as close as your aunt would like & y’all can work on that at a later date, but your wedding isn’t the place to start 🤷🏾‍♀️. There’s really no easy way to break her heart, but it’s your decision. If you say no that means no

Edit from OP:

Thank you for all the comments! I've read all your suggestions and I think I've decided what I'm going to do. I'm not going to make an announcement about it (it does seem a bit harsh) and wait to be asked.

Then I'll go with the "all bridesmaids need to be over 18 years old", if aunt says it's unfair I will bring up the fact that she wouldn't be able to participate in most things. It's hard to argue when time is the enemy right?

Four days after her original post, she shared this update:

My aunt has now been finally told of the outcome and I wasn't there for the damage. I was sitting at home when I got a text from my mum saying my aunt has now finally asked about if her daughter (now 14f) can be a bridesmaid. My mum was going to tell her that I hadn't decided on bridesmaids yet when she felt enough was enough and told her she wasn't and gave her the reasons for it.

Now we couldn't tell my aunt the real reason I don't want my cousin as a bridesmaid as that would NOT go down well, but there were other concerns eg she is terrified of rain (seriously) and won't go anywhere if there's clouds and/or raining and with it being a November wedding that's something to consider.

She doesn't like being around people she doesn't know which would be half the guest list and it'll be loud so she may freak out and have a meltdown. At least if she's a guest it's less pressure for her and my aunt can take her out if needed.

Apparently my aunt went silent then walked outside. My mum followed to see how she was and of course she was very upset, BUT she said she understood. I now very incredibly guilty that my mum had to take the blow for that instead of me, I was even preparing myself for that conversation but it was out of my hands. My mum said it's fine as it had to be told eventually.

My mum recommended next week when we go see them that I go along with some flowers and apologise for upsetting her. I agree with going with her (not so much about apologising as I didn't really do anything wrong) but I can try to help any damage done. There may be another update depending on how next week goes. Thanks for reading if you get to this point!

Edit:

Thank you for all the comments, I got a lot more attention than I ever expected! Reading all your comments and speaking to my fiancé, you've all given me the clarity of the sheer stupidity of my issue. I've decided I won't be bringing flowers and I won't be apologising. I will still go over next weekend but I'll explain my reasons in person and this way I can settle it hopefully once and for all.