'AITA for not wanting to pick up my mom and drive 3-6 hours so she can visit her grandchildren?'
"AITA for not wanting to drive to pick up my mom 3-6 hours drive to visit her grandchildren?"
My wife and I just had twins who are 5 months old. and we have a 4yr old. My mom lives Brooklyn, NY and we live Bridgeport, CT.
My mom called and said she wanted to come visit the twins for the weekend and wants me to pick her up on Friday and drop her back home Sunday evening.
Knowing that since my wife and I both work fulltime jobs and get home around 5- 5:30ish after picking the kids from daycare, I asked my mom if she minds taking the train and I'll pick her up from the train station. She immediately said "I aint taking no train."
My issue is driving into NYC on a Friday evening is not ideal where what would usually take 1.5 - 2 hours can easily turn into a three-hour ordeal one way and the same goes for the return trip.
I go to work around 6 and leave work at 3 and thats extra driving to NYC and back is something i really don't want to do A couple months ago my mom had a car that she drove to come visit maybe once every couple months but that car is now busted.
I offered her my older car before the twins arrived, knowing that we were going to need a bigger vehicle and she said "She is used to driving an SUV and my smaller SUV was too small/ too low for her"...so we sold it. I haven't responded to her last msg because I don't know what to say
Info: My mom has absolutely no issues with taking the train on a regular basis, she only got her license less than 10 years ago. She doesn't have any physical impediment as far as I know. My mom is a Caribbean parent, thinks that my siblings and I owe her for getting us permanent residency in the US 15+ years ago, except i'm the only "successful one" out of the bunch.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Rayonjersey wrote:
NTA. “Doesn’t sound like it’s going to work out this weekend. Love you! Bye.”
VictrolaBc wrote:
NTA your mom is trying to set the precedent that her wants come before the needs of your family. Don’t fall for it.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
You're NTA. Expecting you to drive 6 hours round trip through horrendous traffic on a work day (plus return trip) because she doesn't want to hop on a train is a ridiculous demand. Apparently she doesn't want to see her grandchildren that much if she can't take a little train ride.
Sweet-Necessary3257 wrote:
NTA. Tell her you know how it is with kids mom. always busy. I really don't have the time to drive in and back over the weekend. Take the train, its faster and cheaper than me driving down. I will pick you up at the train station. just let me know the arrival time. After that, don't respond.
Platypusandpibble wrote:
NTA!! Your mother is being incredibly demanding and entitled. If she wants to come visit she can take the train like everyone else does. It was her choice not to take you up on your incredibly generous offer of a replacement vehicle.
You are too busy to deal with this bullshit.
“Sorry, Mom. I cannot come get you. I understand if you aren’t willing to take the train, we will miss you.”
Salty-Ambassador-725 wrote:
NTA. When she said "I ain't taking no train," I'd have replied "then you ain't seeing no kids." Don't do it, hold firm on this. Your lives are hard enough without catering for a capable adult who is acting incapable. This would not be fair on your wife or your children and they need to be your priority, not your mother who thinks she's the main character.
If she wants to see them, she can make her own way to you and back again, and she'd better help with chores while she's there too because you do NOT need another person to entertain or clean up after.
moondream6 wrote:
NTA. Y'all are busy. She doesn't see that? I'd tell her, "train or no kids. Sorry, we have to work." :( it's wild that she thinks she can decide to come down and massively inconvenience you two.