AITA for not wanting our friend to come back to our house after he literally ate everything?
AITA for not wanting our friend to ever come back to our house after he ate literally everything we owned?
My husband and I live abroad. Earlier this year, a mutual acquaintance (let’s call him “K”) reached out saying he’d been scammed with an apartment rental and had nowhere to stay. At first, we only offered a weekend, but he was polite, helped around the house, and seemed grateful, so we ended up letting him stay the full 20 days he’d asked for.
During that time, some things rubbed us the wrong way. He never bought groceries, and multiple times he pretended he was going to pay but “forgot his wallet” or claimed he could only use Apple Pay (not accepted at our local supermarket). He’d eat way more than his share (once my husband and I shared half a pizza and he ate the other pizza and a half without contributing).
Still, we felt bad for him, so we let it go. We stayed friendly, and a few months later we were planning a 17-day trip. Since he was struggling with rent, we offered him to stay at our place in exchange for taking care of our dog. I even wrote a Google Doc with instructions for the house, dog care, gym access, etc. I told him he could eat anything that was going to expire (fruit, veggies, yogurt, etc.).
When we came back…EVERYTHING was gone. And I mean everything. The entire fridge, freezer, pantry. He finished two jars of jam, a jar of peanut butter, a giant Costco bottle of olive oil, condiments, rice, snacks, cheese, even my husband’s supplements (creatine, protein, collagen). He completely destroyed a ceramic pan. He consumed things that usually last us six months in just two weeks.
I honestly suspect he might have taken stuff with him because it’s insane how much was missing. I didn’t confront him except to ask him to replace the pan, which he mocked me about (“it’s just a pan, why are you making it a big deal?”). I felt deeply disrespected. Now he keeps texting me, acting like nothing happened, and wants to hang out.
I told my husband I don’t want him in our home ever again. My husband says I’m being too harsh, and if he wants to stay friends, that’s his choice, but I feel completely taken advantage of and disrespected. So…AITA for not wanting to see this guy ever again and refusing to let him come back to our house?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ardra07 wrote:
How’s the dog doing? I’d imagine the poor lovey was ignored that entire time as well. 👿
OP responded:
Don’t even get me started! I feel extremely guilty for leaving my puppy with this good-for-nothing. Luckily she’s totally fine and shows no signs that anything bad happened, but at this point I don’t trust anything or anyone anymore.
untakentakenusername wrote:
DUDE. Send him a replacement pan link. Link him to the pan n price he destroyed and its worth and be ask him if he's able to pay for it this week or by this weekend. Don't ask him "if he can" or "when he can." Dictate the terms. And if he says "whys this a big deal" go off. Heck it's YOUR pan and your mutual friend. He's friends with you BOTH. You have every right to voice your opinion and feelings.
I'd respond with something like "lol it's a big deal because I loved that pan and you disrespectfully destroyed it. I didn't ask you to restock OUR ENTIRE PANTRY that you demolished. I'm only asking you to replace this one item as I like using it to cook."
"You can either send me the cash or buy it and drop it off with the reciept this weekend, or help us restock things like rice and supplements, the ceramides, collagen etc. I have a list. Let me know which you'd rather help pay for . X"
Your husband n him can remain friends but you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to fight with him separately or voice an issue because he's a friend to you both and well, either way u are 2 different people.
Just because ur husband wants to stay nice doesnt mean u need to bite your tongue.
This person has more than just audacity. And yeah id never invite him for dinner again. If i would, id also say "hey :) We are low on cash this week so can u send us x amount n then we'll order in."
People like him will always find a loophole. We had family friends who would always trick my dad and mom into treating both our families to an expensive place to eat. Stop the loopholes now while you can. They're just leeching.
Just because he has rent problems doesn't entitle him to free stuff or to take your kindness for granted. He would never return the favours you're doing for him on your rainy days, don't forget that. Not that that matters. This is about ur kindness being taken for granted this time around. but definitely address it. Stop bad habits the first time around, not the 2nd or 3rd. NTA.
Smoochno wrote:
He didn’t consume it all in that time, he emptied your place and took it back to his to last him a while. He stole from you like he was on a shopping spree.
SigSauerPower320 wrote:
NTA. That dude was 100% taking your stuff somewhere else. All I can think is that he's stocking up for his future home??? I don't see any other way a person could go through an entire bottle of olive oil in just two weeks. Not unless this guy is dumping a 1/2 cup of oil into every single meal. Couple that with the "it's just a pan, it's no big deal." Yeah, that's not a friend.
I like the fact that you put your foot down and also didn't make your SO choose. You've said "You're welcome to be friends with him and you're welcome to spend time with him. Just not in OUR house." You have every right to ban a person you don't feel comfortable with in your home.
JenCanary wrote:
There’s no excuse for literally eating everything in your house, ruining your pan, and then acting like nothing‘s wrong. You were trying to do him a favor and he took advantage. He sounds like a scammer.
Makes me wonder if he ever had a place to stay in the first place or if that was his scam to get free lodgings. I mean, I’m pretty sure that is what happened. He lied to you upfront, got a free full 20 day stay where he barely paid for anything, and then ate you out of house and home and ruined your stuff on his second scam stay. NTA.
Cappa_Cail wrote:
NTA this person is not your friend and your husband needs to rethink anyone who mocks his wife over something that person destroyed. This “friend” has little to no respect for either of you. If your husband wants to lessen himself by continuing this one-sided friendship with this guy - it’s on him.
However, you do not let anyone who treated your home the way he did back in again.
You can decide if you’ll reconsider this if this guy apologizes, but he’s not allowed to be in your home alone again.
Inside_Major_8078 wrote:
NTA. CHANGE THE LOCKS!!! He gets wind from your husband you have an over night stay elsewhere he will be restocking again (he made a duplicate). Tell husband put on his big boy pants and smell the coffee. Mooch-Boy does NOT come in the door anymore. He can stay friends but hubby goes to his place. Time for cameras and door camera.