'AITA for not wanting to give more money to my family after they spent 200k on my brother?'

"AITA for not wanting to give more money to my family after they used nearly 200k on my brother?"

So I(32f) have a tricky situation and i don't know what should i do. I have a good job and make about 300k per year as i work in healthcare. I am currently working in US rn while my family lives in a different country. I was always grateful for all the things they did for me so i have been giving them money every month that i told them to save so they can live comfortably later on.

All that money prob now amount up to about 200k which in our country is even way more. However i recently found out they used all of it instead of saving it. They bought a super expensive car (despite having 2 perfectly fine normal cars). My dad told they gave the old car to my younger brother.

My mum bought expensive jewellery which she says she is saving for her future daughter in law, and they even used a bit of their savings and the left over money to buy a small property that my brother can use and open a store or something as he is leaving his job and moving in with parents to "take care of them" and decided to work there.

The thing is, i never said that they can use the money on my brother. It was for them to save and use in case of an emergency. My brother and i do not have a very good relationship from the beginning and i had not been in contact with him for a long time because of stuff he did in the past-

Like one time he was annoyed that i told mum about his late sleeping habits so he essentially snooped in my phone and contacted my exes thru my phone so he could retrieve the previous texts and showed it to my mum.

Now i am from a very conservative family and my dad was super against the idea of me even talking to boys, so if he knew i had bfs in the past then he would have certainly disowned me or stopped my college education and forced me to marry some dude who he approves of just to teach me a lesson.

My brother knew all that but still showed everything to my mum and was actually excited to see me getting punished. Hopefully my mum was understanding and asked my brother to never bring it up again, especially in front of dad. It was never brought up, but my relationship with my brother was never the same as this was the last straw and due to many other things as he is simply selfish).

I knew my family is controlling so i finished my degree and was able to go to US for further studies. I met my now husband (35M) while i was studying, and got married despite my parents disapproval due to him being from a different nationality. Due to all this i don't have much contact with my parents but still i felt i should help them as they took care of me for so many years.

I didn't want to give my brother money because he had a perfectly ok job and i don't have a relationship with him anyways. My parents say to not be so hostile and that he is my brother and that he still loves me even when i told them that i don't wanna be a part of his life. I am hurt my parents used all the money like that, but i can't do anything.

They say that since i gave it to them, its their money so they used it the way they wanted, that i am overreacting as my brother is very much part of the family too and its normal for sisters to look out for their little brothers. Idk what to say to them. Its like going back into childhood when i was forced to do his homework cus well "sisters should look out for their brothers".

I am sorry for the long post, but idk where to vent about it. I am hesitant to give them more money as i am afraid they will use it on my brother too. AITA for thinking this?

Tldr- parents used up the money i gave them for their retirement and say i am being petty for being upset.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Pretty865-Artwork said:

NTA. When you GIVE someone money you cant dictate what they do with it. But now you know your money is being taken for granted and squandered. Just stop sending them money. You have no responsibility to them, you are an adult. You tried to do something good for your parents but they didn't appreciate it.

Keep your money, invest in land or something for yourself. Be good to yourself and stop worrying about people who just want to use you as an ATM to buy luxuries.

After_Hovercraft7808 said:

NTA it’s okay though - your brother is their retirement fund now, they invested the money you gave as they wished (in him). No need to send them any more money, they are sorted now, isn’t it wonderful.

ExcellentAd7790 said:

NTA. You do not owe your parents anything just because they're your parents. And you absolutely don't owe your brother a damn thing. Stop sending money. If they're broke, tell them to make your brother give them money.

AddaCHR said:

You shouldn’t send them any money because they clearly don’t need it since they use the money for wants and not for needs. NTA.

NeTiFe-anonymous said:

Lets clear a few things. If your parents are conservative, they should be the providers or their son should bring home money. There is no traditional society where it's a woman's job to finance her brother's lifestyle. Stop doing it.

Technically it's indeed their choice what they do with the money you gave them. But it's also your choice to not give them money anymore. You gave them money for the future or for the case of emergency. They act as if they don't need any savings, So stop sending them more money.

If you don't want to have a direct confrontation you can tell them you need all your income for your own family. Life in the US Is more expensive and it gets more expensive every year. Maybe you would want to start a family one day.

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