'AITA for not wanting my husband to come with me to Italy to look at art because of his immaturity?'
"AITA for not wanting my husband to come with me to Italy to look at art because of his immaturity?"
I am an art history and anthropology major and I have been planning a tour of Italy for years as it is my area of study in university. I plan to go see my favourite historical sites and pieces of artwork.
Most of the artwork I am interested in is renaissance art, and features a lot of naked women. Only, when I try to discuss art with him he looks at the paintings and women and says all he sees are “fat chicks”. It is really deflating to love a piece of art, and feel deeply about it, and to explain that to someone who is laughing and basically making fun of it.
My husband has long decided that our trip would be a couples trip and that we would both go to Italy together, but now I am feeling more like it would make a good solo trip. I could visit my art in peace and not have to explain the context and try and “defend” everything I like.
He is upset, I have tried to explain to him that his reactions about the art are immature and kind of makes me not even want to discuss the art with him and he got mad and said I was calling him unsophisticated and stupid when really he just doesn’t appreciate art.
I know he would rush me through the museums and there are some pieces of artwork that I know I will want to linger with for a while. He won’t understand and will force me to leave before I’m ready. AITA for not wanting him to come?
Edit: We are married and have been for over a decade. I have been raising children, I have never taken any time for myself not even two days ever. He does not want me to go without him and is basically insinuating that our marriage will end if I go without him. It would be like me “walking out on him.”
We have gone on family vacations to Disneyland (his favourite place that I don’t really like but we still save up and go there every year to the same place and same vacation.)
My husband would rather go to Disney again than Italy and it’s too much money he won’t let me go by myself. I just want to see all of the art I love, without someone cutting it down in front of everyone and embarrassing me. He just can’t keep his opinions to himself.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. I would listen very carefully to the part of you that dreads taking an amazing trip with your husband.
It's fine to have different hobbies etc., but if you can't share international travel and your deepest passions with him, that's concerning. My wife and I have different interests, but we both love watching each other get excited about the stuff we love. Her joy fuels mine, even if I don't understand the difference between these wines.
She lights up at my enthusiasm, even if she personally could not care less about the political or historical significance of the building were in. I can't imagine being married to someone that takes the joy out of the things I love most in life. That seems like a sad life.
Can you name some positive qualities of this man, or is he just “not being alone”?
Yeah, it’s not just not understanding art. It’s about respecting your partner, being intellectually curious, and not being an insufferable boor. I don’t get gaming at all and wouldn’t care if it was just me.
But my family loves it so I ask questions to get a basic understanding of what they are doing so I can celebrate their small wins with them. I can’t imagine being such a jerk that I would make stupid comments about something they love.
Say sure he can come, and what is he planning on doing while you’re visiting galleries and museums? Because if he really wants to be part of a trip that celebrates you finishing your studies, he should respect you enough to let you do that.
And he also won’t be allowed to pull any guilt-tripping BS when you do spend as long as you want doing exactly what you have always planned to do - hang out in galleries and museums.
Seems to me his “upset” is due to you calling attention to his ongoing disrespect for your passion, btw. Dude needs a bit of self reflection, and you need a genuine apology from him. ETA - NTA but he def has some tendencies.
NTA, but this isn't just about this trip or art. He is incredibly disrespectful about something you value and I would bet that shows up in other places too.
Your husband is unsophisticated and stupid. NTA.
You two sound kind of incompatible. How long have you been married?
What do you have in common?
NTA. The fact that he is disrespectful of your interests, outright mocking them, is a very bad sign. Every happily married couple I know NEVER does that. Even if they don't share said interests, they STFU about it.
The very last thing any of them do is actively mock the other person's interests. Heck, I have no friends who do that kind of crap. Ask yourself this: Why exactly did you marry him? Were you just desperate to be married?
NTA your husband is immature, cringe, and deeply disrespectful of you and your interests (and women generally - beautiful figures in Renaissance paintings are not "fat chicks", yikes)
NTA. Does he think he's not being unsophisticated and stupid by saying all he sees is ''fat chicks''? You know your husband. If he came on the trip, would he do his own thing in the daytime and leave you to appreciate the art, or would he insist on joining you and spoil everything? I wonder if this isn't just about the art.