'AITA for not wanting my husband's groomsman to bring his horrible GF to our wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for not wanting our groomsman to bring his horrible partner to our wedding?"

First time posting in this and I’m really at my whits end here. So I (27 Female ) and marrying my fiancé (31 male) in a few months. We had previously set a standard that if people hadn’t been in a relationship 6 months prior to wedding day they couldn’t have a plus one so we wouldn’t have random people at our wedding that we didn’t know.

Long story short, one of the groomsmen got a girlfriend and we can’t stand her. She is mean to him and others, controlling, manipulative, and just a horrible individual. We’ve tried getting to know her on 4 separate occasions and have not enjoyed ANY experience as she always makes it about her and they ALWAYS end up in a fight where they break up. (They’ve broken up 8 times in 2 months that we know of )

She got mad at him ( and screamed and yelled at him) for talking to me about getting her involved and me inviting her out with me and my friends more all while she was actively dancing on other guys and intentionally making our friend jealous.

She deleted every text I sent so it looked like I was ignoring her and went to him crying that I was ignoring her and that we weren’t putting in effort when I was! I have every text I ever sent her where I was being nice and trying to make plans with them.

Said groomsman brought up bringing her to our wedding and my fiancé and I discussed and ultimately said no and gave all our reasons why. She doesn’t respect us, me or him individually and she is not someone we want to surround ourselves with because the drama that comes with her is NOT something we want to deal with on the best day of our lives.

(There’s soooooo much more she’s done in the multiple encounters we’ve had and the things he’s told us but it’d take forever to get through. )

He sent us a text and said he, in fact, WILL be bringing his partner or he will no longer attend. Before hearing our response he went and got fitted for his tux. Which made me even angrier that he thinks we’re just going to let him bully us into letting them come.

We are trying to decide what to tell him as he’s very important to my fiancé. Like family important. So I guess I just need advice? What should we do…. And AITAH for not wanting her there and getting angry?

EDIT: The relationship thing 6 months before the wedding was so there weren’t people that we didn’t know at our wedding day that’s supposed to be surrounded by the ones we love! There are always exceptions and anyone who questioned the “rule” text or called and we had conversations and tried our best to accommodate.

He was not given a plus one. And she very clearly does not want what is best for us. Our venue has a very strict guest limit so we had to make cuts somewhere.

Also: He did not start dating her until after invitations were sent and +1’s were decided.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

tcrhs said:

“Your girlfriend is not invited. If that means you won’t come, we accept your decision and we will miss you.”

markbrev said:

He doesn’t get to tell you whose coming to your wedding. Your fiancé needs to reply to his ultimatum with “I’m sorry that our friendship means that little to you and we’ll miss you on the day. I’ll tell the outfitters to cancel your tux. Hope to catch up after our honeymoon when you and me can have a beer.”

turtle_time52626 said:

NTA. It sounds like your fiancé needs to sit down with this friend and have already clear conversation about his gf. If he is considered family, your fiancé should be able to be honest and it’s important that he is.

This all sounds toxic as hell. At the end of the day, you have to hold your boundary on not allowing him to come to the wedding if he brings her. They probably manipulate the shit out of each other and now he’s trying to pull that on you as well.

Aylauria said:

"I'm very sorry to hear that. But we respect your decision. We will both miss you very much."

If she's this much trouble, and he's determined to stay with her, then your relationship with him is doomed anyway.

MissMurderpants said:

Your fiancé needs to tell his friend that he is being replaced. Sorry, this day isn’t about his gf. It’s about you and your guy. If friend doesn’t respect that then he doesn’t respect your relationship either. He should tell the guy if/when he ever ends it with gf then y’all can chat but he will be damned if he lets him emotionally manipulate him over this. Because F that.

Cali_Holly said:

Every action or decision has consequences. Some good. Some bad. And only you two can decide if you are willing to live with whichever decision you two choose. BUT I will say that in my personal opinion, the guy isn’t being a very good friend for telling you that regardless of your feelings or opinions about his GF, that he WILL be bringing her.

And I’d rather live with the feelings of grief over the loss of a friend than resentment and whatever crap she does at your happy occasion. Plus, any pictures or videos. Like, is he going to bully you to allow her in your pictures with family and friends?

She later shared this update:

Wow! I didn’t not expect so many people to comment and give advice! If anyone is even reading this or cares, here’s the update:

So our wedding went amazing and was everything I ever dreamed of having. It was truly perfect. She stayed away and he stayed the whole time. Not as juicy as I know some were probably hoping.

My (now husband) was able to celebrate with his favorite people without her ruining anyone’s fun. I did hear through the grapevine that she caused a bunch of drama when he met her out after the wedding, but at this point… who cares? Maybe that’s mean but they’ve pushed me to my wits end.

He hasn’t spoken to me since we told him she couldn’t come and has only spoken to my husband to get his things out of our shared house because he is… moving in with her :)

So I guess misery wants company and they can enjoy being miserable and he can enjoy picking up his things that she throws in her front yard, calling him names, yelling at him in front of his friends and family, and just overall her being an absolutely vile individual. They need therapy separately and together but that’s not my place to say anymore.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I married my best friend in the whole entire world and now we get to spend a life time together. And yes, when they inevitably break up, he will have a spot to come to so he isn’t alone. We will always love him but at what point do we stop enabling? Thank you again everyone!