'AITA for not wanting to include my MIL's artwork in my nursery?'
"AITA for not wanting to include my MIL's artwork in my nursery?"
I (30F) and my husband (36M) are expecting our first child in the new year. It will also be the first grandchild for both of our families. Both sets of grandparents are incredibly excited but because my parents live a 2 hour flight away they're pretty low maintenance.
My husband's parents can be very...intrusive? It's been a difficult road setting boundaries with them and have them be respected. This isn't to take away from the fact that they are very kind hearted people who want the best for us, but we've had some issues with boundaries in the past.
For example, my MIL used to call my husband (irate and crying) to act as a mediator whenever my MIL & FIL would have a fight. She wanted my husband to stay on the phone for hours talking with both of them, these calls would happen any time of day and last hours.
I feel strongly it's inappropriate to involve your children in your conflict so intimately, and is incredibly emotionally taxing for my husband. Eventually after a few discussions between my husband and I we decided it would be healthiest for these calls to stop, so when he would get a call with my MIL crying, he'd stop engaging and eventually she took the hint and these calls stopped pretty much all together.
One small boundary that's been very difficult is my MIL keeps buying "decor" for our home as gifts. Her and I have very different taste and while I appreciate her thinking of us, they are not things I think work with the aesthetic of our home. She is also incredibly sentimental to the point where she has kept every single toy, piece of school-work, test, trophy etc.
Essentially anything he's every touched she has kept in his childhood home. Now that we are expecting, and starting to decorate our nursery the two worlds of her sentimentality and need to decorate my home are colliding.
She wants us to hang some items she handmade for my husbands nursery in our babies future nursery. While the idea could be cute, my husband has no recollection of these items, they don't fit the theme or decor of my nursery, and (respectfully) I think they're tacky...
It's decor from a different time and doesn't fit my vision for my babies nursery. The items are not small, and are not subtle...AITA for not wanting these items in my home OR am I being overly sensitive due to our history and my hormones?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CandylandCanada said:
NTA. Your husband needs to explain to mother that she decorated her children's nursery in the way that she saw fit, and you need the space to do the same. This is not your mother, so it's not your burden.
saintandvillian said:
NTA. You need to tell her you want to decorate the nursery on your own. She had her son and got to make choices for him, don’t let her take over the fun parts of your pregnancy.
Shoddy-Stock7151 said:
You are NTA. Pushing home decor on other people's homes is overstepping, even with good intentions. My in-laws are great, but they have been a little guilty of gifting decor items I don't want to display in my home.
I spent a lot of time, energy, and money on my home esthetic, so I've made it clear to them (and others) that I don't think people should gift decor unless it is something the home owner absolutely wants. Of course, if this happens, I always say thank you and behave graciously, but don't display the items.
Could you maybe start a scrap book for your child and put the art in there? And good for you for shutting down the calls with MIL crying. That is very unhealthy for your husband and he probably should see a therapist if he has been dealing woth stuff like this his whole life.
No_Relationship9919 said:
NTA. It’s completely reasonable to want control over how you decorate your own home and your baby’s nursery. Your MIL’s heart is in the right place, but sentimentality doesn’t give her veto power over your space. It sounds like you’ve handled past boundary issues with grace, and this is just another moment to gently reinforce them.
You can appreciate the gesture without displaying the items, maybe keep one small piece stored as a keepsake if that helps smooth things over, but you’re absolutely not obligated to hang anything you don’t want to.
Actual-Hamster4692 said:
NTA. However, I took an ugly painting my MIL gave us and hung it in my guest bathroom. Right over the toilet. It makes me smile every time I go in there. Be creative with her artwork in a way that gives you joy.
FairyCompetent said:
NTA. Simply say "that's such a sweet thought, thank you, but we have everything we need for the nursery." Feel free to give away anything she gives you, and if she asks about it say "it didn't really suit my taste but I gave it to someone who would appreciate it."