'AITA for not wanting kids because my husband won't get a vasectomy?'

"AITA for not wanting kids because my husband won't get a vasectomy?"

My husband (36M) and I (35F) are on the verge of trying to start a family. We’re not pregnant yet, but we’ve talked it through and agreed on having two kids. If it were up to him, he’d want three, but I’ve been clear that two is the maximum I’m willing to put my body through, especially at my age.

Recently, during a casual conversation about contraception for after we're done having kids, I mentioned that it would be great if he got a vasectomy. He seemed genuinely shocked and immediately said he didn’t want one. When I asked why, his only response was essentially, “Because I don’t want to.” Since it wasn’t a serious discussion at the time, I dropped it, but it’s been bothering me ever since.

I can’t take hormonal birth control due to side effects that increase my risk of stroke. I’ve also had mixed experiences with IUDs (one had to be removed due to excessive bleeding, though thankfully another worked out fine). We don't like alternative birth control either and don't rely on those. On top of that, pregnancy itself carries higher risks for me because of my age and several smaller health issues.

All of this has made me question whether I even want to have kids with him. He’s more invested in having a family than I am; I think I could be content without children. His unwillingness to consider a relatively simple procedure so we wouldn’t have to worry about birth control makes me feel like he doesn’t fully care about my health or well-being, since it would then fall to me to figure something out.

AITA for seeing this as a reason not to have children with him? If I told him I didn’t want kids now, I’m fairly certain he’d leave me to find someone who does. It feels extreme to potentially throw away 15 years together over this, but I don’t know how else to process it.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ImpressiveOwl9000 said:

NEVER have children for someone else. If you don't enthusiastically want a child then the risk is not worth it.

starsandcamoflague said:

The length of time you have been with someone is irrelevant. That is the sunk cost fallacy. Protect yourself first, do what is best for you not him. You have found an area where you are not compatible, this is very important to pay attention to.

brittdre16 said:

His body his choice, same for you. However, I find it unreasonable he won’t consider it due to your medical past history.

Similar-Ad-6862 said:

Don't do it. If you don't enthusiastically want children for yourself don't do it.

Riddleboxboy said:

This sounds like a conversation thats at least 10 years later than it should have been. NAH.

whaddayameanm8 said:

NTA - Do not give this man children. Yes it’s his body his choice, but him refusing to do a simple and safe procedure knowing the risks birth control and pregnancy would have on you shows he doesn’t care about your health at all.