'AITA for not wanting to marry any men?' 'I don't want to risk my job security.'
"AITA for not wanting to marry any men because I don't want to risk my job security?"
I (30F) have always been pretty career-focused. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and have a solid job with good benefits. I love my independence, financial security, and freedom.
Over the years, I’ve had relationships here and there, but I’ve never been that interested in marriage. It just doesn’t seem like it’s for me, especially with how much I’ve seen marriage change people’s lives in ways that seem...unappealing to me.
Here’s the thing: I’ve watched multiple friends, coworkers, and even family members get married, and their careers always seem to take a hit. From having to prioritize their spouse’s needs, relocating for their partner’s job, or taking time off work for family stuff, it seems like they end up sacrificing a lot of their professional progress.
And if kids enter the picture? Game over for a lot of them. Even in the best of marriages, I’ve noticed the women often end up taking on more domestic responsibilities, which then affects their work-life balance. I just don’t want to go through that.
Now, I’ve been pretty upfront with guys I’ve dated that I’m not interested in marriage, but recently a guy I’ve been seeing (32M) said it’s “weird” for a woman my age to not want to get married. He thinks it’s just an excuse to avoid commitment and that I’ll "regret it" later. He actually told me that no marriage means I’m not taking relationships seriously.
A few friends have also chimed in, saying I’m being too rigid and that I can’t predict what’s going to happen, but to me, I don’t see how marriage would improve my life. It feels like too much of a gamble when I’ve worked so hard to build my career and secure my independence. So, AITA for prioritizing my job security and not wanting to marry anyone?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BjornoPizza said:
NTA. It’s your choice, and it seems like you’ve done a lot of thinking about this. When you find the right person for you (if you even want that) they’ll be someone who understands your point of view and probably shares it. Or someone who’s willing to be a domestic partner. I’m sure that kind of guy exists, but whether you want to find him or not is up to you.
blackgunner12 said:
NTA. You are a grown adult. You know what you want to do with your life, and you are upfront with your partner from the beginning. Do listen to what other people tell you what you know you want.
Know_1_7777777 said:
NTA at all. There's many reasons why someone doesn't want to get married and yours are just as valid as anyone else's. If people you date or your friends don't like it that's their problem not yours because at the end of the day it's your life and you have to live it for yourself and not for other people. Good luck.
hottiexXxcammille said:
NTA. You are not the a-hole for prioritizing your career and not wanting to get married. Marriage is a personal choice, and you have every right to make decisions that align with your values and goals.
TwoSeparate7960 said:
NTA. You are securing your source of income, and plus, who cares about what other people think? I think only you can recognize the effort that you took to get to where you are, and if you're happy, that's even better. Kudos to you for prioritizing what you need to do.
Anxious-Routine-5526 said:
NTA. You know yourself, your wants, and your needs. There is nothing wrong with any of it. The problem is other people who can't/refuse to accept not every woman wants or needs marriage or children to fulfill their lives. That's very much a them problem, don't make it yours. You do you.
throwaway-rayray said:
NTA - statistically, marriage improves the lives of men. Not so much for women. That doesn’t mean I’m anti marriage or think there are no good marriages. What I am saying is your fears and observations are accurate, and there’s plenty of research to back that up. Your life is your life - you do not have to live it on anyone else’s terms, or based on their values regarding marriage, children etc.