'AITA for not wanting to move into a house I’ll never have any legal claim to?'
"AITA for not wanting to move into a house I’ll never have any legal claim to?"
I (38F) signed a prenup before marrying my husband (42M) because he has significant business assets and investment properties. The agreement says that anything purchased before or even during the marriage is separate property unless it’s jointly titled. And even if something is jointly owned, ownership is strictly based on financial contribution.
So if one person pays 90%, they own 90%. If we divorce, he keeps everything that’s his separate property, and I would only receive my portion of jointly owned assets based on what I financially contributed. That's what we agreed on and I'm fine with that. In the event of d**th, it’s different. Anything held jointly would 100% pass to me.
But anything he owns separately would pass to his nephew. From what he’s said, his nephew would essentially control everything he owns (as executor or trustee). I also have no issue there. Now he’s talking about buying his parents’ house and having us move into it as our family home. It would be purchased into a trust and structured as his separate property.
If we divorce, I would not get the house or any equity, which I understand and accept under the prenup. The problem - I asked what would happen to the house if he passes. He said our 10-month-old daughter would be the beneficiary, and his nephew would be the trustee/executor.
So I wouldn’t own the house, control it, or have guaranteed rights to remain there in the event of his passing. I’m struggling with the idea of building our family life in a home that I’m structurally guaranteed not to have a long-term claim to.
I’m not trying to undo the prenup or take his family’s property. I just feel uneasy about making our primary family home something I have zero legal protection in.
AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lonely-world-981 wrote:
NTA. Speaking as a man slightly older than your husband - if this is real, you should immediately seek a divorce. Your husband is human garbage.
I get the fact that extremely wealthy people want to protect assets. I have a lot of friends like that, but they did it fairly. The setup on this is insanely one-sided. You may think it's fine, but it's not. What you agreed to is extremely stupid and shortsighted.
Now you're learning that. You didn't fully understand what you agreed to. In long-term relationships, partners have to support one another - that often means one person stepping back, and that will often be the wife, who will function as a mother/parent due to being the lower earner.
Your assets, income and earning potential will increasingly become smaller - while your husband's will get larger. This is a trap. You will grow unhappier every day, but you won't be able to leave because every day you stay it becomes significantly harder to leave and rebuild. It's clear in this setup that you are valued as an egg donor. That's it.
Divorce your husband. Custody will be in your favor and there will likely be parental support. Find a man who values you and wants to build a life with you. Your husband isn't doing that - he's letting you rent space in his life. The setup you described isn't a marriage, it's a trap for financial a**se. Open your eyes, this is not a relationship of love or trust. You are a commodity.
UserNotFound23498 wrote:
NTA. It is crazy he is giving everything to his nephew. He should at least have a separate trust for your daughter where you are the executor. Also, if he is THAT RICH why does it matter giving some of it to you?
I hope at least his life insurance has you and your daughter and the primary and only beneficiaries. And if he is not that rich, you and your daughter definitely need some protection in case of his d**th.
Your husband is penny wise and pounds foolish. In worrying too much about you stealing his money, he is now risking you and your daughter’s livelihood. He needs a damned reality check. And you guys need both couples therapy as well as couples financial counseling. That is some disgusting prenup. You must have really loved that idiot.
mcmurrml wrote:
Unfortunately, what you signed benefits him and not you. You have no protection in this marriage and this is not a good deal for you going forward. You really should have hired a separate lawyer to go over it with you. It's possible you see now based on your post this deal with the house does not benefit you in any way.
better_as_a_memory wrote:
Definitely don't move into that house. He can buy it if he wants to, but as for you, stay in a house that either you own, or you both own together. And why would a jointly owned home go by percentage? There's no reason that upon his death the house doesn't go to you. In fact, it should go to you. Not your 10-month-old and his nephew.
How will that even work? Does his nephew have all rights over the house until your daughter is 18? So if he wants to sell it he can and your daughter gets nothing? I personally would not stay in this relationship. I can understand in the event of a divorce, but if he dies you still lose everything? NAH. End it now so you don't have to deal with this mess anymore.
MessyDragon75 wrote:
I don't know that a judge would hold up that prenup. Which is lucky. You'd walk away with nothing. It's too one sided. NTA and he totally took advantage of you not having your own attorney when doing this prenup. Because there's NO WAY an attorney would have let you sign that POS. I hate that you didn't have the belief in your own self worth to go for 50% of all assets built in the marriage.
Alwaysfrash wrote:
He has businesses and investment properties, but he can't ensure that his wife inherits at least one piece of real estate to call home and raise his daughters in the event of his death. He put you at the mercy of his nephew. He should've married his nephew.
Why did you marry this jerk and agree to sign such a one-sided prenuptial agreement? Please tell me you have a job! If you don't, get one, save up and plan to leave, then put him on CS. This man doesn't even like you, let alone love you. You're just an incubator for his lineage. Yikes!