'AITA for not wanting my MIL to be in the hospital room when I give birth?' 'It's my baby too.'
"AITA for not wanting my MIL to be in the hospital room when I give birth to my daughter?"
I (22F) am due to give birth to my husband (28M) and I's daughter in about 2 weeks. A few days ago, we were discussing birth plans and the topic of who will be in the room came up. He said exactly this: "Your mom, your sister probably, Ava (my best friend) and obviously my mom will be in the room, correct?"
This caught me off guard since we had spoken about it at an earlier time, but I just corrected him because I thought he might've forgotten. So I said "Actually, I would prefer it if she wasn't in the room during the birth, but I don't mind if she comes in to visit before the birth and after the birth."
He immediately got upset and said "so you get to have family in the room, but I don't? It's my baby too" I explained again that any of his family are more than welcome to visit before and after the birth but I'd prefer not to be spread eagle in front of his family.
I especially don't feel comfortable with his mom being there at all because she had shamed me and judged me during my entire pregnancy, but I was willing to compromise so he doesn't feel like he cant have any family there.
He still wasn't listening to me and started to get mad and yell at me. He was really set on the fact that it's his baby too which I already know but like I said, I just don't want them there DURING the birth, I don't mind before and after.
He still is upset about this and has been avoiding me since this argument and will only talk to me in the morning when I make us breakfast. I'm afraid of when I have the baby that he won't except my wishes and still let her in the room, or worse he just won't show up at all. AITA for this?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
frozenbroccolis said:
NTA and I really don’t understand all these posts about people in the delivery room. Birth is not a spectator sport. It might be his baby but it’s YOUR body. When he can push out a kid, he can have his mommy there. Make sure you tell the nurses you don’t want her there and they’ll eject her when she tries to stay or he tries to sneak her in.
superflex said:
NTA. Now it is time to be blunt and rude. "No, husband, your mother will not be watching a baby come out of my body under any circumstances. You may have helped make this baby, but this is my body and you don't get a say. You can fall in line or you can wait outside with your mother."
When it's time for labor and delivery, you tell your mother, your sister, and your nurses who is allowed to be in the room and who isn't. What a dumb, weird request. I cannot imagine in a million years my mother even wanting to watch my wife give birth. Just totally inappropriate.
Longjumping-Bet5293 said:
NTA by a far. Sorry but your husband is not the one laying naked on table displaying his private parts for everyone to see. Birth is extremely graphic and vulnerable. This is solely up to you who is in the room because YOU'RE the one having a baby.
Let him be mad, and honestly if I were you, if he continues to act like a man child I wouldn’t let him in the room either. You need good vibes and support. It’s not them in there just watching “the show."
They’re there to support you. And please tell your nurses who is allowed. They will only let someone in with your permission. The husband quite literally has no say in the birthing process, and your nurse will gladly remind him.
Ask your husband how he would feel if he had to strip naked and take a poop and have your dad watch it come out… maybe that’ll give him some perspective.
Comfortable-Focus123 said:
NTA - I hate this trend where there are a bunch of people in the room during a birth. This is a medical procedure, not a baseball game. We are no longer in the 1800's, where midwives delivered the baby at home.
mzpljc said:
NTA. Not his body. Not his procedure. Not his choice.
Bartok_The_Batty said:
Some people get so fixated on the baby that they forget about the mother. The mother who will be in a very vulnerable state. This is a medical procedure not a theatrical special. The hospital will listen to you, not your husband. Only you get to decide who is in the room with you. NTA.
Poetryinsimplethings said:
It’s his baby too. So next time maybe he can give birth and choose who gets to be in the room. A medical procedure isn’t a spectator sport. NTA.