'AITA for not wanting my MIL to be present when I give birth?'

"AITA for not wanting my MIL to be present when I give birth?"

I (27F) have been in a relationship with “Greg” (31M) for 5 years now, unmarried but living together. We were surprised to find out that I’m pregnant at the end of the first trimester, and am currently in the middle of my third trimester.

For context, Greg and his mom have a very unhealthy, codependent relationship with one another, and his mother also has difficulty with respecting boundaries.

From the moment we told her we were expecting a baby, she has constantly been contacting Greg about decisions regarding our child- from what the baby’s name will be, to how soon we can travel to see their family, what kind of school the child will go to, even how we decide to decorate the nursery.

Greg has tried to set the boundary that those decisions are to be made by us and not her, but she continues to push and I can see him starting to entertain her ideas- I don’t know if it’s to make her happy or if he’s letting her sway his choices.

The issue arose when I told Greg that when I give birth, I do not want a lot of people at the hospital, and I don’t feel comfortable with his mom being in the delivery room. Greg became extremely defensive and angry, and told me that I’m a selfish person for thinking me giving birth is about me.

I tried to explain that me giving birth is about me and our child, but he disagreed, stating that it’s his baby too. He was even more upset when I said that I might want my own mom in the delivery room when I give birth, but not his. He said that if his mom can’t be there then my mom can’t be there either.

I already barely have the energy to cater to his over the top family in general, and know that I definitely won’t be in a position to deal with them while I’m recovering and learning how to be a mom. We don’t have these issues with my family as they have 1)

Been very welcoming to him from the beginning, and 2) Have always been very respectful of our boundaries. We’ve barely been speaking and I’m constantly worried that he won’t respect my wishes or be a supportive partner to me when I need him most. AITAH for not wanting his mom/family in the hospital or in our home when I give birth?

EDIT TO ADD: We both became irate during this argument, and I told him that myself and our child need to be his top priority, NOT his mother. I made it clear to him that I am not a surrogate for he and his mother, and although I respect/admire her prior experience as a mother, she is NOT the mother to our child.

We had been previously discussing marriage, and Greg said that he wants to marry me, but he doesn’t see us getting married if I can’t “learn to accept and be kind to his family” - even though I’ve let them use our house as an Air BNB and have catered to them (with kindness) every time they’ve visited.

Even took time off from work to be present in case they needed anything, and driving them to and from the airport that’s nearly an hour away from us. I told Greg that if his family and especially his mother will always be a higher priority than me, then we definitely have no business ever being married, because I will NOT come after his family, and I will not let them prioritize themselves over my child.

My hands and feet became super swollen, and my brother’s girlfriend insisted on checking my blood pressure (she’s currently training to be a nurse in L&D) which happened to be high and nearing the dangerous levels of high. I ended up having my mom take me to L&D, where my blood pressure was 166/108, and the doctor diagnosed me with gestational hypertension.

So on top of trying to keep myself from stressing too much, I now have to take blood pressure medication twice a day and have weekly blood pressure checks with my doctor. At this point I’m more worried for my child than I am for myself. I am seriously contemplating moving to my parents house until the baby comes.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Naive_Woodpecker5904 said:

NTA. The delivery is ONLY about you. Tell your boyfriend he is not even entitled to be there. He is there only as your guest. Labor and delivery is about getting the child out while keeping both mom and baby safe and healthy. Labor and delivery is not dinner theater for his mommy.

AnnoyedRedheadedMom said:

Work out your delivery plan with your medical team. They will keep anyone out not on your list. The security for L&D and the NICU are seriously tough, and I'd sooner box Mike Tyson than cheese off those nurses.

McflyThrowaway01 said:

You aint married, and this is a preview of what's to come. Id take myself to my moms and give birth there. You are the patient. He has no right to be there, father or not. You get to decide. When he has a prostate exam, he can bring his mommy.

You need to take a stand now by doing something big. Going to your moms will shock him, and hopefully make him realize that you arent gonna let him control you now or ever, and respect your decision. If he doubles down, well you got out early and he and his mom will have to deal with not knowing when the baby is born, till you let him know.

And Awkward_Profile_7410 said:

Remind your husband and your mother-in-law that giving birth is not a spectator sport. It is a medical procedure and the decision on who is in the room is yours solely. If his mom wants to watch him have a prostate exam or push out a kidney stone, good for her. You are NTA for not wanting her in the room. You definitely have a husband problem though. That will need to be addressed.