Bride cuts off SIL after she trashes wedding in vicious texts—calls it 'fake' and 'irrelevant.' AITA?
"AITA for not wanting a relationship with my SIL after she trashed our wedding in a series of texts to my husband?"
So my (26F) husband (30M) and I are planning our wedding for next summer. We’re already legally married (we did it earlier this year for financial reasons), but still wanted to have a full celebration with friends and family.
Recently, my SIL (35F) sent my husband a bunch of texts completely bashing our wedding. It started with her claiming the family is “devastated” that their dad wasn’t asked to be best man. For context, I had never in my life heard of a parent being the best man / MOH.
We both had friends in mind to fill these roles. My husband had already talked to his dad, and his dad was totally fine with it. But SIL wouldn’t let it go and kept saying how hurtful it was. But like I mentioned, when we talked to the family they said they didn’t mind at all.
Then she escalated, calling our wedding “irrelevant”, “fake”, and “bizarre” because we’re already legally married. She went on to criticize me personally — saying I was “rude” for having a no-kids policy (even though my own siblings with kids are completely fine with it), and for not giving a guest a plus one. It honestly felt like she was looking for any reason to complain.
My husband didn’t respond at first, but showed me the texts. I was devastated. SIL had been super nice to my face and even acted excited about the wedding, so seeing her say all this behind my back was really painful. I ended up crying over it.
Later that day, I called her (with my husband beside me) after I cooled down. I confronted her and told her that while I didn’t owe her an explanation, I was happy to explain our choices. She didn’t say much — seemed stunned, honestly.
We ended the call basically saying, “If you don’t like the wedding, don’t come.” We also informed my MIL that we had this conversation with her daughter. MIL was incredibly supportive saying she “didn’t blame us for not wanting her at the wedding” and confirming she is an extremely “difficult” person.
A few hours later, she sent this long text “apologizing,” but the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. She claimed she was “just joking” and that she and my husband always “joke like this” and “rile each other up.” But… no.
My husband was clearly upset, and nothing about her messages read as joking. She took zero real accountability and even said I just “don’t get their relationship.” We didn’t respond to the text.
I’ve since decided I don’t want a relationship with her at all. I don’t trust her, I think she was mean and two-faced, and I have no idea what would prompt someone to act this way over someone else’s wedding. For context she was married a few years ago. Am I valid for wanting to go no contact with her?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
i don’t think you’re wrong at all but i do think it sounds like your husband needs to take more ownership of his family relationships. it’s great that you and SIL were ‘friends’ but i’m failing to understand why you had to be the one to call her?
She sent the messages to him- he should have been the one to set a boundary with her because now this gives her the excuse to say ‘well it’s just OP separating us and she doesn’t understand our bond because brother would have told me himself if he had a real issue’.
To be clear SIL is completely in the wrong- I’m just worried you may hear about this again unless your husband firmly sets boundaries and makes it clear it’s a joint decision and not one only made by you.
I was thinking this too! Why was OP the one to set boundaries and take on the confrontation? Obviously it’s great that the husband showed OP the messages, but it did feel a bit odd to read that it ended up being OP doing all the actual work of the situation. I’m sure the husband is capable of other things besides feeling horrified and nodding along.
100% this. The simplest thing would have been for the husband to text her, in a group text including the wife and the mother, and say, " No sis you have never talked to me like this, this is not the type of joking we do.
Don't try and excuse your rude comments to us by saying that my wife doesn't understand you." Done! That would have put an end to the whole thing. I don't understand why he didn't step in here.
NTA. Very strange of her. Kind of feels like she just likes drama for the sake of it, especially as she made complaints for people(FIL) who didn’t even feel that way themselves. She also just most likely wanted accommodations through her complaints, thinking it she raises her voice obnoxiously enough, she will just be left to do whatever she wants.
NTA and I don’t blame you a bit for going no contact, but I’m literally counting the minutes until MIL changes her tune. Prepare for that.
NTA. I'm assuming that since your MIL was fine with you not inviting SIL, she must have been saying a lot of things about your wedding to her.
Good for you! If youre up to it, you should always respond back to the insult. Dont wait to have a talk with your husband and then wait for him to have a talk with his sister. Handling directly is much better, if youre emotionally prepared to do it.
Fun-Scar-2291 (OP)
I agree here and this was my train of thought. My husband supports me and agrees with my stance. That being said, I don’t need my husband speaking for me. I wanted her to know what my stance was and made it crystal clear for her. I have no issue speaking for myself.