"AITA for not wanting my sister to come to my wedding?"
I 30M am getting married next year. I had a conversation with my dad recently and it came up how I wouldn’t be inviting my sister to the wedding. Background story: I have the classic narcissistic mother/toxic family cycle. I’m talking gaslighting and "golden child vs scapegoat" (I’m the scapegoat) and so much more.
This has now resulted in me going no contact with my mother, which has been the case for 2.5 years. Since I decided to go no contact, my sister has basically disowned me and has rejected every single one of my past attempts to keep a relationship alive.
Every family social event, it’s always me and my fiancée that approach her, we always make the effort to show an interest in her life. She makes very little attempt to return the favor, I don’t think she has asked me a single question in the last 18 months…as you can imagine it gets awkward trying to make small talk.
Outside of this, she is immature, lacks integrity and is manipulative with my dad (just like my mum). One example, we kept receiving mail from my mother (without permission, don’t know how she got our address when we moved) and after the 4th incident we sent a direct message to my mom stating that we didn’t give her permission to have our address,c
This was passed from my sister to my dad (who divorced my mother after she had an affair) and in turn he uninvited me and my fiancé from going round to see him on Christmas as my sister was there and refused to be in the same room as me for setting a boundary with my mom.
Most recently I turned 30 and got engaged, we had a big party with loads of family and friends. Invited my sister to which she didn’t attend or even respond. AITA for not wanting my sister to be at my wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Icy-Mix-6550 said:
NTA. Sounds like the whole family favors sis over you. I'd cut all of them out of my life. I wouldn't invite any of them. Why do you keep trying just to keep getting kicked in the teeth?
LolaSupreme19 said:
No. She already has issues with you. If you invite her will she act maturely? Probably not and she will create drama and make the whole event miserable. NTA.
Briscogun said:
Most families with a narcissistic parent (your mom) have one of the children they "use" and befriend, the other is the "enemy." Your sister is in your moms web, nothing you can do. You will probably have to go full NC with both to be honest. Don't ask me how I know all of this...
In the future, if your mom sends you letters, do not reach out to her regarding them. Either send them back "Return to Sender" or throw them away. ANY contact she receives is a positive reinforcement to her efforts, even if it's you calling or messaging her something awful. NTA. Protect yourself and your new bride!
GrimeRose said:
NTA sounds like she wouldn’t go anyways. STOP trying with her, there’s no point, sounds like she’s just like your mother.
CommunicationGlad299 said:
NTA. You've made choices for who you want in your life. Those choices have consequences. Your sister has made choices about her life. Those choices have consequences. Your dad is caught in the middle because he loves both his children.
Feeling-Invite7953 said:
NTA. You and your fiancée have made numerous overtures to her, and she has rejected all of them. You know where you stand with this family and the ball is in your court.
RJack151 said:
NTA. And don't invite your dad either.