'AITA for not wanting my sister in my life since our daughter was born?'
"AITA for not wanting my sister in my life since our daughter was born?"
Some background, I (33F) had a really hard birth. It was Long on top of getting a serious blood infection. When I was in labour my sister (31F) showed up with “road beers” and tried to feed me a margarita (she said it was water) which I wasn’t impressed with right off the top.
That aside, I was out of it right after I delivered (because of my high fever I wasn’t making sense or talking sentences) my sister snapped a picture of my daughter still covered in afterbirth and an unflattering picture of me (not coherent) and immediately posted to social media without mine or my husbands permission. (Keep in mind this was at almost 3am) and I had been in labour since 8am the previous day.
When I confronted her when one of my friends reached out to congratulate me. I was really confused, only to find out my sister made an announcement that our baby girl arrived before we did.
I reposted her post only to delete it an hour later. I reposted because I felt backed into a corner and wasn’t totally thinking clearly. I was really upset and confronted her (I was blunt from not being totally with it from the infection & the meds I was on).
She flipped and said I was stupid etc. I said if she was going to treat me like that she didn’t have a place in our daughter’s life. We both said some really mean things and ended the conversation.
The next day I apologized because it didn’t sit well with me & I felt it wasn’t who I am to even fight like that. Given I never got an apology at all. I apologized a week later face to face when my daughter was admitted to the NICU.
It was her first time seeing or holding our daughter and we both agreed to move forward and I apologized profusely. Her birthday was close and even though we weren’t talking really or in the best place, I got her a spa pass etc to make sure she could relax and have a great day.
Fast forward a few months ago she text me and was making small talk. She brought up the picture and I stood my ground and said I’m still upset and she was wrong. She didn’t ask, she posted our daughter before we could & on top of that we didn’t really want to post our daughter at all other than a welcome announcement.
I felt like she took that away and expressed how I felt in the most respectful way possible. I apologized again for hurting her feelings and saying it was never my intention. She said she posted because she was an excited aunt and it was my fault.
I ruined her relationship with my daughter and she can never be excited because I’ll just “remove” my daughter from her life. She said I have no friends and I was “sick in the head”. She called me a bad mom & a narcissist. Said I didn’t take responsibility for my part?
She also said she feels sorry for my daughter because she won’t be raised right and my husband that has to put up with me.. etc. her calling me a bad mom like 6 weeks postpartum as a first time mom really really messed with me mentally as well. I thought for a while I was a horrible mother.
Now our daughter is almost 5 months old and my sisters missed a lot. The longer she’s gone the more red flags I see. I don’t have to walk on egg shells or hear “it’s just how she is” from my parents when she says some out of pocket mean thing or does something really rude.
She vents to my parents and say it’s all my fault. And she goes as far as throwing fits if I even indirectly see my parents if she’s around (drop off my dog for example, but did it when she wasn’t even home).
We still aren’t speaking and I recently tried to extend an olive branch with the holidays coming up. She said she’s doesn’t want to see me and she’s mad because I didn't apologize enough and gave a “half assed apology.”
In all honesty, it makes it extremely difficult because my parents don’t point out any bad behaviour or just give excuses like “she’s always been a mean girl” or “she’s an adult, nothing I can do.”
The longer this goes on, the more red flags I see when it comes to my sister. Also, the more mad I get at her for making herself a victim in this. I’m at the point that I don’t want my daughter seeing her because I don’t want her to learn my sister’s behaviour and think it’s acceptable.
Or worse, see her treat me like garbage and my daughter to think she can treat me like that. AITA if my sister never has a relationship with our daughter? Any advice of what you’d do would be greatly appreciated.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
She's been gaslighting you into believing you're the problem. Never let her back into your or your family's life.
NTA. There are many children who grow up without aunts in their lives and they manage to do well.
Stop apologizing to her, she clearly was in the wrong in the situation. When you apologize, her behavior becomes acceptable. She degraded you when you in post-pardon, your relationship with her will never be the same unless she changes profusely which i doubt she is a narcissist.
Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for never correcting her growing. Don’t let her ruin what is really important, which is your child and husband.
Your sister has some type of secret issues with you. Go NC, be happy in life and thank God she pulled this while your baby can't learn the bad behavior. PS your parents need to get right too.
Does your sister often have issues not being the center of everybody’s attention? Because it really sounds like she’s an attention hog if she felt the need to announce your daughter’s birth.
You need to stop being a people pleaser, I was like you always trying to keep the peace but it chips away at your soul. She doesn’t bring any value to your life and she won’t bring any value to your daughter’s life either. NTA.
NTA, why are you apologizing?! My sister does some of the things your sister does to you, but in a passive aggressive way. When I call her out on it, I don’t call her to apologize. Your sister is an absolute witch, no apologies from me.
You need to keep her out of your life before she says or does something to your child that’ll make you go on a rampage. You’re a mother now, time to put on your big girl panties and do whatever it takes to keep your baby and your sanity safe.