'AITA for not wanting to take home what my MIL got my son for Christmas?'
"AITA for not wanting to take home what my MIL got my son for Christmas?"
Me (33F) and my MIL have a good relationship in general but she has a history of not respecting boundaries.
This year we are spending Christmas with my husband’s family and we told our MIL that we wanted just experiences for my son (18 months old) like a membership to the aquarium / zoo, day in Legoland or something like that, and maybe a book or two that he can unwrap. He has too many toys and clothes already and he doesn’t understand yet receiving gifts.
Well, my MIL was beyond herself that she wasn’t able to get my son gifts so she asked for an Amazon wishlist for things she could get that we could use in the future. My husband and I spent quite a bit of time thinking about what to add to that list cause we truly don’t need much for our son.
We sent it to my MIL and told her she could choose some items from there. This morning my husband asked what she was planning to get our son because my mom asked if we could share the list with her to get a few things from it.
My MIL sends my husband a text back saying “I might be on the naughty list now” and a video of all the presents she got my son. NOTHING from the list. It was a pile of huge items that she knows we don’t have space for (a car that my son can ride on, a keyboard, a play kitchen, tons of books, one of those Amazon iPads for kids (we don’t do screens with him).
I told my husband that she can keep those at her home if she wants but we are not bringing them with us. I found it very disrespectful that she just bought whatever she wanted when we specifically told her we didn’t want anything. Also, why ask for a list if you are going to ignore it?
My husband thinks that we should bring some things to not make her mom feel bad but in my mind we are just sending the message that she can do whatever she wants and we’ll be ok with it. Also we don’t have the space lol.
AITA for not wanting to take home what my MIL got my son for Christmas?
EDIT: wow didn’t expect so many comments! I’m trying to read all of them but I’m not able to respond to everyone. Thanks a lot for all your input and suggestions (keeping the tablet and introducing my MIL to angel tree are my favorites).
People were asking what we added to the Amazon list. I answered in one comment but thought of adding it here: a few cards for his Yoto player, toddler headphones (for the Yoto too), a couple of sport shirts (my husband’s teams), a couple of books, a small water table for our balcony and a toy trash truck.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
malibuklw wrote:
NAH. She can buy what she wants, you can choose not to bring stuff home. But you’ll cross into AH category if you’re rude about it. Thank her for thinking of your son, and bring home some while leaving the rest. I’d bring home the tablet so you can control its use (or not use), and anything smaller. Leave the big stuff at her house and say you just can’t fit it but he’d love to play with it there.
OP responded:
For sure! I understand it’s all out of love and excitement, and I’m appreciative for everything she does for us. I just can’t have a ton of big items in our apartment.
thecatsothermother wrote:
Take the kiddie Kindle/Ipad. That way you can keep your child off it.
OP responded:
Someone pointed this out and I think it’s a great idea. My husband caught my MIL earlier this month showing my son YouTube videos on her phone. We were pissed. So we are taking the iPad to avoid him using it.
Significant-Dig-8099 wrote:
Bring the iPad back so that you can continue your parenting with no screen time NTA.
OP responded:
Omg that’s a great point and hadn’t thought about it. That will be something we’ll take home.
Snoopets8873 wrote:
NTA and really I don’t think it’s actually something that should make her feel bad if you frame it as special toys to play with at grandma’s house. My mom does that for my sister’s kids on purpose actually because it helps keep them occupied if she’s watching them and they don’t have all their favorites from home, but they have the toy they only get if they are visiting her.
OP responded:
That’s how I want to frame it. I obviously appreciate my MIL excitement for being a grandma and she loves our son more than anything. I don’t want to cause a conflict but I also don’t want her to think that she can do whatever she wants. I might follow people’s advice here and take a couple of books back with us and leave the big items with her.
TheGermanHillBilly wrote:
70yr old Meemaw here. I have 5 grands 7- 3 years old. Your MIL is being very disrespectful. Instead of buying all those toys, she could've put money into an account for your child's future education. My grands get so many toys from the other grands that I give them 1 little toy and a check for their future college fund.
The kids barely play with the toys before one is thrown down and another picked up for 5 minutes.
They've gotten more fun out of an empty dishwasher box which they crayoned all over, pretended it was a space ship, etc , until it fell apart.
You need to set boundaries based on what you had requested. Tell her she needs to keep the crap she bought at her house or return it and put it towards your child's future. If you keep it, she'll continue this behavior. If your mom has a friend like me tell her so she can straighten your mom out. NTA.
Imlittlenana wrote:
I’m a grandmother. My daughter was very clear from the beginning. Do not buy things I’m not prepared to keep at my house. She has a small place. We have a slightly larger but still small place. This forces us to make careful choices. Not a bad thing! The grandkid is now 10 and she has to choose what to donate if she wants to have room for something new. Boundaries and mindfulness for everyone.