Woman debates attending sister’s wedding after being abandoned on her own wedding day. AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to attend my sister’s wedding after she chose not to come to mine?"
feltpensNpostitnotes
Full back story: My sister is getting married next month and I don’t want to go because she didn’t come to my wedding. My wedding was planned out for over a year. I named her as one of my bridesmaids from the day I got engaged and expressed how important is was to me that she be there.
She had over a year to plan to be there for me in any way she could. I live in Iowa btw and she lives in Indiana. It’s about a 7 hour drive. I even offered for her and her fiancé to stay in my home so they wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel, I even offered to help with gas money. She claimed she couldn’t come because of finances and refused to accept any financial or general support me and my husband offered her.
Additionally, my mother did not show. Claiming the same excuse, financial reasons. Not only did I go dress shopping by myself, I did not have a bachelorette party and my mother and sisters did not show to my wedding.
Despite, me offering to help financially. Now, my sister is getting married next month and she has sent me invitations and messages of “hopes you’ll make it”. Oh and she didn’t even ask me to be a bridesmaid.
I get to sit here and watch my mother pay for and take her out to her dress fittings and her dream bachelorette party while I was left in the dust on the most important day of my life.
So I am asking you guys, do I sound like a bitter b***h and AITA or are my feelings validated and would you also choose not to attend the wedding? One part of me says I don’t want to be bitter and I don’t want anyone to ever feel the same hurt I did on such a special day when your family completely abandons you.
However, on the other hand I feel like if I attend there will just be too much hurt left inside me to be happy for her or enjoy myself. I’m not saying my sister doesn’t deserve a happy life, because she totally does. I just don’t understand what I ever did to not receive the same support she thinks she’s owed from me.
Side note: my mother is incredibly bitter that I live in Iowa with my dad (they are divorced). I know it’s not my sisters fault or anything but my sister is having my step dad walk her down the aisle.
As to where in my wedding our biological father actually did show and walk me down the aisle. I suspect a lot of it has to do with unresolved feelings or my sister and mom staying in Indiana whilst my dad and me live in Iowa, but I don’t see that as an excuse to isolate your family. Should I be the bigger person here?!? Help!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
YoungSalt
NTA. They’ve sent pretty strong signals to you that they’re not invested in your happiness.
feltpensNpostitnotes (OP)
Sadly you’re right :/ Just was hoping I was wrong.
xhotriley
It’s okay to feel hurt about your sister missing your wedding. If you’re not ready to celebrate her, it’s fine to skip it. Take care of yourself first; a polite gift can show your support without attending.
pitiplus
don't come. be bitter. and go LC or NC with them.
clearly they don't care about you, so why should you?
balexaa
This is so sad and I’m so sorry they don’t want to participate in your most important moments in life. NTA. Don’t go. She probably doesn’t even care if you show up or not. Your sister and mom are the bitter and petty ones and you owe them nothing. I would personally go no contact with them as it seems like they have no interest in a relationship.
DuckosFavorite
After reading your side note, I actually don’t think you or your sister are the AHs. The two of you are the product of what I can only imagine to be a bad, bitter divorce where you and your sister found yourselves in the position of choosing sides between your parents.
Think of it this way, if you chose to stay in Indiana with your mom, you would have been closer emotionally to her and you likely would have had the full girly, mom/daughter bridal experience.
If your sister chose to go to Iowa with your dad, she too would have had a closer relationship with your dad, and of course he would have walked his other little girl down the aisle.
I think the fault here lies with your parents for being unable to put aside their own differences to allow their kids to develop good relationships with the other parent despite the divorce.
ziabbyx
Honestly, I totally get why you wouldn’t want to go. It’s super unfair that your sister didn’t show up for your big day but now expects you to drop everything for hers. Like, you deserve support too! 😤
If it’s gonna hurt you to be there, then it’s okay to prioritize your feelings. You’re not being bitter; you’re just protecting your heart. Sometimes family drama is just too much, and it’s okay to step back. You gotta look out for yourself first!
Alwaysorange1234
Be your own person, not the bigger person. They have set a precedent. If you don't want to go, don't. You don't need to explain. Just say no. They'll know the reason, and that's on them.