"AITA for not wanting to be a SAHM?"

I already know it sounds bad but I (35f) and my husband Jeff 37m are currently expecting a boy (his first child my second) I got pregnant with my first when I was 18 and his dad was never in the picture. I work as a substance abuse counselor and I love my job, this is where it gets tricky.

My job offered me 8 weeks PTO for when I have our son. I’ve been so happy because I didn’t want to go right back to work soon. Me and Jeff got together when I turned 30 and he moved in with me because I own my house, we just got married this year and have talked about childcare multiple times so he knows I don’t want to be a SAHM.

Well I’m due in November and he just brought the idea up, I was very confused because we’ve already talked about this. But I guess my MIL and SIL believe I should stay home with our son, “as a mother and wife” I just don’t understand where their opinions come in because I already know where they stand both of them stayed home with the kids.

All three of them sat me down to have this talk, and they want me to focus on the kids, cleaning up the house, making dinner and all of that but I already work and do those things. Well MIL decided to throw it in my face that I never got to be a SAHM because I was a single mom going to school and working, which she’s not wrong but it definitely made me pissed that she brought it up.

I told them that I worked so hard to give my son a good life, and having another baby doesn’t change my decision to keep doing something that I absolutely love doing. And that if they all want someone to take care of the house and kids all day, then Jeff should be a SAHD because I make more money than him and it would make more sense for him to stay home instead of me.

It turned absolutely horrible after that, I got yelled at by MIL and SIL that it’s not his “role” as a father to do those things. That he’s the man of the house, and should be the one making the money.

Jeff just stood there not saying anything, and I blew up and reminded all of them that it is MY house not his, I kicked MIL and SIL out and Jeff is so mad at me that he went with them. He said he won’t come back till I apologize to all three of them. So AITA for not wanting to be a SAHM?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

fairfaxleasee said:

NTA and I'd think long and hard before letting any of them back in.

[deleted] said:

"So AITA for not wanting to be a SAHM?" Nope, NTA. OP you make more, it's your house, your ILs are dinosaurs, and your "husband" just proved that he doesn't have your back.

Here's your to-do list for tomorrow: 1.) Change locks. 2.) Make appointment to see family lawyer about custody, parenting time and child support in your jurisdiction. 3.) Research them on internet in meantime. 4.) Resolve that none of those three people gets back in the door unless THEY provide YOU with a fulsome, sincere apology.

finkplamingoes said:

Holy sh!t, NTA. The thought of my husband bringing my SIL and MIL into MY house to tell me what to do with my life, especially after discussing with him exactly what I want, makes my blood boil!! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’d seriously reconsider your relationship with your husband, and lay down strict boundaries about inviting others into your home NOW, if you even want to stay with him.

And [deleted] said:

NTA I think you need to start considering the type of values your husband and his family are going to try and instil in your son. This is 100% the hill to die on and Jeff needs to get with the program or get out, permanently.

OP later shared this upsetting update:

It’s currently 1:15am and Jeff just called me, he informed me that he cleared out our joint back account and deposited it into his personal account. (Bill money, savings for future trips, grocery money) That he’s been thinking and the only way he’ll come back home, is if he can be responsible for all the finances and I put his name on the house too.

I said absolutely not and hung up I have already reached out to my boss and will be working from home tomorrow via virtual meetings, I will be calling and talking to attorney’s tomorrow morning to see what my options are. I didn’t let Jeff know I will be home so I’m sure he’ll try to stop, I will update again soon.

Edit:

Yes we both have personal accounts, The shared account was just for things we saved/paid together. I’m the only one on my personal account so he shouldn’t be able to access it.

Good luck, OP!!!