'AITA for not wanting to celebrate my anniversary due to my MIL ruining our wedding?'

"AITA for not being happy about my wedding day and declining my husband’s invitation to celebrate due to my MIL running our day?"

I (26F) and my husband (30M) got married over 5 months ago, but sadly, I can’t say it was the happiest day of my life. I had always dreamed of my wedding day since I was a child, but after losing my dad, I lost hope in the whole idea.

I met my now-husband three years ago, and we got engaged a year before getting married. From the start, my MIL had a lot to say about our relationship because of our “age gap,” though it’s only four years. I didn’t care much about that — I love him, he’s my best friend, and I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.

(Important context: My MIL lives about 5 hours away by car — this will matter later.) Shortly after getting engaged, my fiancé and I took a road trip to tell his mom the news in person. Everything was fine until we told her we had already started planning the wedding.

While my fiancé and I both have good jobs and money wasn’t an issue, MIL thought we were being wasteful by planning a "big" one-day event. Since the beginning, she’s been cold and borderline mean toward me, and I’ve never really understood why.

We originally planned a destination wedding in our home country with all our family and loved ones. It was especially emotional for me because I was planning it without my dad. During this process, I had a huge falling out with my mom, and we went no contact for a while (that’s a whole separate post).

Because of this, we decided to postpone the destination wedding — I couldn’t imagine getting married without my mom there. So, my fiancé and I opted for a courthouse wedding in the meantime, as we had to do the legal part anyway. We planned a small celebration at our home right after. The ceremony was scheduled for 9 a.m., so the party would follow later in the day.

Wedding party:

- My best friend (28F, maid of honor)

- Two close friends

- My best friend’s fiancé (husband’s best man)

- And, of course, my MIL

I didn’t ask my bridesmaids for specific dresses — I just suggested a color and only asked that the maid of honor wear a different shade. Everything was going okay, even though every step reminded me my parents wouldn’t be there.

Two weeks before the wedding, I asked my fiancé when his mom was arriving. He said she’d come a week before to help prepare for the party and that she’d stay with family or get a hotel. We live in a one-bedroom house, so I asked if I needed to book a hotel for us for our wedding night.

He assured me she wouldn’t be staying with us, and even if needed, she’d book her own hotel. I offered to pay, but they both said it was already taken care of. A few days before the wedding, MIL changed her plans and said she’d be coming just two days before due to work. No big deal — my friends were helping me, and things were mostly ready.

I called her to see if she needed a hair and makeup appointment. I even offered to pay. She said she’d get her hair done before arriving and would do her own makeup. I double-checked a couple of days later — same answer.

(More context: I used to be a makeup artist and hairdresser before my current job. I usually do my own hair/makeup due to sensitive skin and unique hair texture, but I wanted to treat myself on my wedding day and hired a professional.)

MIL arrived the day before the wedding. While I was at the salon getting my hair washed, my fiancé called to ask if the stylist could squeeze in MIL for a blowout. She claimed she didn't have time to get it done before coming. The stylist agreed to quickly do her hair. I let her dry mine and decided I’d style it myself the next morning, even though this meant I had to wake up way earlier.

When my fiancé picked us up from the salon, I noticed MIL’s bags were still in the car. I assumed we were dropping her off at her family’s place — but instead, we pulled into our driveway. She started unloading her stuff into our house. I said nothing at the moment but decided to ask later.

I told them I’d be ordering takeout since it was late and I needed to get up early. MIL got upset and said that was no excuse not to cook a "quick dinner" — it would "only take an hour." Thankfully, my fiancé stepped in and told her I had worked that day and still had wedding prep to finish.

After dinner, I asked him again: “Why is your mom staying here? I thought she was going to stay with family or a hotel?” He said, “It’s just for tonight. She’ll go to her family’s house after the ceremony and come back with them for the party.” He again said not to worry about the hotel, and that worst case, he’d book one later.

I didn’t push it but was really anxious because I had planned a surprise for him that night — with the help of my MOH — including special lingerie and a romantic setup. That obviously couldn’t happen with MIL sleeping in our living room, right next to our bedroom.

I woke up extra early to do my own hair. My MOH and the other girls arrived so we could get ready together. My fiancé and his best man were getting ready at my MOH’s house to avoid seeing each other before the ceremony.

Things started rough for me emotionally, with my parents not being there. Still, I kept it together and focused on getting ready. My makeup artist did my friends’ makeup first, then began working on me.

MIL was sitting in the living room and was repeatedly asked by me and my MOH to start getting ready since we were short on time. She refused. As the MUA was almost finished with my face, MIL walked over and asked, “Can you do my makeup too? You’re doing such a great job, I want professional makeup too.” The artist said she had another appointment and couldn't stay.

MIL was visibly fuming and stormed out. A few minutes later, she came back to me and asked me to do her makeup — knowing full well I was supposed to be getting dressed at that time. I stayed calm and did it anyway, but I was starting to feel very overwhelmed. My MOH looked like she was about to explode but kept quiet.

We finished getting ready, but MIL locked herself in the bathroom for another 20 minutes. We were already late. When she finally came out, she was in a full-glam blue gown, completely different from the dress she had shown me earlier. It looked like something you’d wear to the Oscars — not a simple courthouse wedding. The rest of us were dressed appropriately and simple.

No time to react — we had to go. I drove us like we were in a Fast & Furious movie to the courthouse, MIL complaining about my driving the entire way. I thought we were going to miss our appointment, but luckily another couple let us switch times with them. We made it — I married the love of my life.

After the ceremony, we went to a nearby park for photos. MIL hijacked the photographer (whom I paid for!) and did a whole photo shoot for herself. Then she tried to be in all the photos — the photographer thankfully limited that. Later, I went to my MOH’s house to change, then we headed to my house for our small garden party. Guess who greeted me? MIL — now fully dressed in WHITE.

I literally teared up, and my MOH almost threw a glass of wine at her. I stopped her, saying it was okay (even though it wasn’t). After the party, while cleaning up, I asked my husband, “So… when are you taking your mom to her family’s house so we can have our private celebration?”

He replied: “Actually, she’s staying with us for the rest of her trip. She had issues with her family, and she doesn’t have money for a hotel.” I offered to pay for the hotel again. She refused, saying she wanted to “spend time with her son.” I wanted to disappear.

When the party was over, I went to shower and prepare for bed — only to walk into my bedroom and find MIL asleep in our bed. I ended up spending my wedding night on an air mattress in the living room with my husband.

Today marks 5 months since we got married. Every month when my husband wants to celebrate, I decline. He asked again today, and I said no. He got upset, even though he knows why I don’t want to celebrate that day. So… AITA for not wanting to celebrate my wedding anniversary because of how my wedding went?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Scenarioing said:

You don't have a MIL problem because your husband could have stopped all that. You have a husband problem. He totally let you down. If you have kids, she is going bulldoze you over and take control from you anytime she is around.

Your husband is going to let her. Even when he tells you he won't. In the short term, this destination wedding... If she goes, she's going to engage in those same kind of antics. He is going to let her.

chez2202 said:

NTA. But you HAVE TO STOP letting your MIL walk all over you and you need to be honest with your husband. Tell him that you will NEVER celebrate your courthouse wedding anniversary because of his behaviour. He let his mother make it all about her.

Ask him how she is getting along with her extended family now that your wedding day and night were completely ruined? Better still, get him to call the family in front of you and ask them why his mother couldn’t stay with them on your wedding night. They will tell you that they have no idea what you are talking about because it never happened.

Everything your MIL did was deliberately done to ruin your wedding and to show you that your husband will always take her side. And he did.

And do me a favour. Have this conversation wearing your bathrobe. With the special outfit that you were intending to wear for your wedding night underneath it. When the conversation is done, take the bathrobe off and just say ‘you chose your mother over this. Then get changed.

WaryScientist said:

Girl, I would've annulled that marriage. Your husband doesn't respect you at all. He put his mom above you at every step. Imagine having a baby and him leaving you alone to be with his mom... or backing her when she calls you a bad mother. This is your future.

And Emotional_Bonus_934 said:

Why did you Marry him when MIL showed up to stay with you. Your husband is duplicitous and cares more about her than you. Divorce him.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!