After vicious custody battle for his son, man refuses 'toxic' ex's demand that he raise her new child. AITA?
"AITA for not wanting to do anything for my ex's unborn child?"
I (24m) have a son (5) with my ex Hailey (24f). We broke up three years ago and we share custody of our son. Our relationship was bad before we broke up. I could never do anything right.
Hailey wanted to stay home with our son so I worked extra hard to provide for us but then she accused me of trying to keep her at home all the time by staying at work so late.
If I took our son for the day she'd accuse me of trying to come between them. But then if I spent time with him on and off throughout the day she'd accuse me of not being involved enough.
She didn't like my cooking but complained when I didn't make more food. She also pissy when I'd make a pack lunch for her and when I made one just for me. She'd get pissy with me if I didn't want her to go out with her friends if I had work in the morning.
She told me a single parent would deal with work and getting up with a kid so I could. But if she wanted to go somewhere in the morning I better make sure I was there and waking up. It didn't matter that I was working crazy long hours so she didn't have to work. She told me to be a real man.
She also hated that I wouldn't spend time with her family but she always made things up to them so they hated me. Like I could be feeding our son or playing with him and I was such an AH for taking the baby from his mom according to the family. Or because I was playing with our son I was a lazy bum who never worked and wanted their poor daughter/sister to work.
I broke up with her because it wasn't healthy and only got worse. Her family told me they were glad she was finally done with a POS like me and she could do so much better.
A few months after we broke up she started dating this other guy. Then she wanted me out of our son's life and she tried to file for sole custody stating I didn't deserve to be a dad and I wasn't a good one.
Her family all said I had poor character and would not be a good influence on my son. The judge told them she should have chosen a different father then and our son had the right to a relationship with me. 50-50 was maintained.
My ex had her boyfriend threaten me twice and I reported him to the cops both times which got him a pretty strong warning the second time since I recorded him at my door.
They broke up 7 months ago because my ex is pregnant and he doesn't want a kid. For the past month she's been asking me to take her son on as my own. She sent me scan photos. She sent me a photo of our son in a big brother to be shirt.
She sent baby photos of our son saying her son could be a mini version of him and how he deserves a dad like our son has. She told me it would be cruel to have one with a dad and the other rejected by his.
Especially when it's the baby being rejected. I told her I wasn't going to raise her son and tie myself to her more. I told her she needs to find someone who'll be good to both of the boys and focus on that OR just be a good mom and trust her son will be fine without a dad.
Her family tried to convince me but whenever I see them and they try this I ignore them and walk on without acknowledging them. The change since I was the worst influence ever when it was our son is startling.
The other night my ex called me at 3am and I freaked out thinking something was wrong with our son. But instead she was crying and worrying about her son and saying he needs me.
I made it clear I'm not doing anything for her second child and she's on her own with him. I told her he will never be my son or my family and she needs to let it go. Ever since that call her texts are angry instead of pleading and we're back to me being the worst. AITA for my stance?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Offer to take 100% custody of your son to make her life easier since she seems to be so stressed out right now. NTA.
Well, we know where her crazy comes from, unfortunately nothing anyone does is going to fix the whole lot of those crazies. Hold your ground and stay out of there. I'm sorry your son will be calling her mom. You are NTA though.
Document everything and always make your stance clear. If she's willing to do everything she's done so far, she'll be bitter and upset enough to try to do everything in her power to keep doing those things. NTA. You provide for your other son and you aren't responsible for her terrible choices in life, she should've realized what she had when she had it.
NTA. So now this other guy dumped her and her family called you basically a POS and she deserved better. Well she got better didn't she. She thought the grass was greener on the other side. Now she knows she f_$@#_ up. She made her bed now she can lie in it. You have no responsibility to the other child. She can chase down baby daddy.
Leading_Race3785 (OP)
I'm saving all the messages and documenting them with my lawyer so we can try to make a case for something to change. Not sure full custody is going to be an option because the courts do everything to try and keep both parents on 50-50 but maybe a judge will agree that it's better for our son. Who knows anymore. I just want the best for my son.
NTA. This woman really flipped the script, huh? One minute you’re “the devil incarnate” and the next you’re supposed to be super dad to a kid that isn’t even yours. Like, nah, that’s not how this works. She can’t treat you like garbage for years and then hit you with the “but think of the children” guilt trip. It’s wild how fast they went from “you’re trash” to “please be our savior.”