'AITA if I avoid my brother's baby shower after how my pregnancy was treated?'

"AITA for not wanting to go to my brother’s baby shower because of how my own pregnancy was treated?"

So, my sister is organizing a family get-together/baby shower for my brother and his girlfriend, who are expecting their first child. Now, I am happy for them but I have absolutely no desire to travel 2 hours just to play happy families when I know I’ll be sitting there feeling bitter. (I'd rather see them another time when it's just us).

The reason I'll be feeling bitter and upset is because I got pregnant young and had my daughter at 20 (she’s 15 now). When I was pregnant, my family, especially my mum, made it an awful experience.

She accused me of getting pregnant on purpose as a ploy to get a council house and said some other horrible things that made me feel like I was going to be a terrible mum. There was no support, celebrations or anything remotely positive from them.

My siblings just followed my parents’ lead. I don’t necessarily blame them, they're all younger than me, but I do still resent them sometimes. (More so in recent years; now they've all started busting out their own children and each one is celebrated more than mine was.) Anyway, their attitudes just made my whole pregnancy feel like I was doing something wrong because everyone in my family was judging me for it.

Now the same family who couldn’t even be bothered to show the slightest bit of care for me and my pregnancy are suddenly over the moon about my brother’s... And it does get to me at times. Especially since, even now, my parents barely make an effort with my daughter. Last Christmas they said they’d got her something, and ten months later we still haven’t seen it.

Maybe I should just “get over it.” But this is such a typical pattern in my family. If I go, I'm fairly confident mum will sense that something’s off, she'll wait until no one’s listening, then start digging and asking what my “problem” is. At this point there’s probably a 70/30 chance it’ll turn into an argument, because it usually does.

Now, at 35 I’ve learned to walk away and to ignore her goading remarks like “That’s it, walk away like you always do.” but surely the sensible thing would be to anticipate these reactions and avoid them entirely...

The last thing I want is to ruin my brothers celebrations. My jealousy isn't his fault (he'd have been 14 when I was pregnant, younger than my kid is now!) and shouldn't become their problem... It's just unfortunate that this is the latest in a long line of events that make me envy him as the youngest sibling and therefore, it absolutely will be harder for me to hide my feelings.

So, WIBTA? Or am I being a reasonable adult by protecting my own sanity and peace, even if it means missing out on a “family” event?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Mammoth_Leg_8489 said:

I’m wondering why you’re even still in contact with Mom. I’m not sure she ever liked you.

OP responded:

Haha. Yeah...good question... Mostly because my parents are still together and I quite like my dad.. Funny you say that though, I'm also pretty sure she never liked me.. she told me a few years ago "she loves me, she just finds my personality harder to get along with than the other 3"...

Diligent_Answer8367 said:

Not the AH AT ALL. The fact that your family still treat you and your daughter like second class citizens shows that your siblings have blindly followed your parents’ lead rather than thinking about how you might feel.

They are adults now, so they don’t get a free pass to treat you and your daughter so badly anymore. Why would you travel for two hours for people who wouldn’t cross the street for you? Don’t go. Protect your peace.

Icy-Doctor23 said:

RSVP declining the invite. Why? You do not have to respond. Don’t JADE. Or you can plainly tell them all why you are declining. You are running on empty based on how you and your child have been treated over the years compared to your siblings and their kids.

You are owed a never received apology and daughter is also due one as she has yet to receive her Christmas gift, again. Until all members of this family are treated equally…___________

And vtretiree23 said:

NTA Hugs to you and your daughter. Block your mother and live your best life.